Nowhere, Anywhere, Somewhere

22

A couple days later I sat in my hotel room,going through a couple notebooks of lyrics, when there was a knock in the door. 

Groaning, I stood up, walking to the door. 
"Yeah?" I answered, swinging it open. 
There stood all the guys of Avenged Sevenfold 
"hey," I frowned," What's up? is something wrong?" I asked 
Matt chuckled, pushing past me into the room, followed by the others. 
" What is it y'all think your doin?" I exclaimed, shutting the door behind Zack as he entered last. 
Jimmy sat,bouncing on my bed. 
"Well, you've helped us so much on our album, we thought we'd help you in return. " the drummer explained. 

" Yeah. Not that we know anything about country music, but we're here to help."
Matt agreed. 
I sighed, sitting on the floor next to all my notebooks. 
"uhm..." i began, running a hand through my hair," I guess y'all could help by going through the books, tearing out the better ones to narrow it down. " I instructed. 

And that's exactly what we did. 

For the next couple hours we tore through notebooks. 
Every now and then the guys would get me to sing one out loud. 

But concentrating was difficult with Brian sitting next to me. 

With every stretch or move of his I got a wiff of his cologne, the same he wore that day in the studio. 

And Johnny kept a watchful eye on us. 

"Wow." Matt said quietly. 
I looked up at him," what? Which one is that?"

He cleared his throat," Uh, dead flowers?"

I sighed,nodding. 
"yeah that's an old one. I wrote it just before Jacky and I split"

" sing it for us?" Brian asked. 
The pleading look in his eyes made my heart skip a beat. 

I hate the effect he has on me. 

I nodded, grabbing my guitar off the bed and the lyrics. 

I stared at the paper, trying to remember, and then I started strumming. 

"I feel like the flowers in this vase
He just brought 'em home one day, "Ain't they beautiful?" he said
They been here in the kitchen and the waters turnin' gray
They're sittin' in the vase but now they're dead, dead flowers

I feel like this long string of lights
They lit up our whole house on Christmas Day
But now it's January and the bulbs are all burned out
But still they hang like dead flowers

He ain't feelin' anythin'
My love, my hurt or the sting of this rain
I'm livin' in a hurricane
All he can say is, 'Man ain't it such a nice day?'
Yeah, yeah

I feel like the tires on this car
You said they won't go far but we're still rollin'
I look in the rear view and I see dead flowers in the yard
And that string of lights and it ain't glowin'
Like dead flowers, like dead flowers

He ain't feelin' anythin'
My love, my hurt or the sting of this rain
I'm drivin' through a hurricane
All he can say is, "Man ain't it such a nice day?"
Hey, hey, I guess we'll just go to waste
Like dead flowers

Like dead flowers, dead flowers"

" oh yeah, you need to put that in the keep pile," jimmy said, pointing to the pile of songs we had pulled out that were going on the new album. 

"what about this one? Mama, I'm alright?"

I stiffened,"No."

That got their attention. 

" why not? It's good Meg, it's really good!" Zacky insisted. 

I glared at him," It's also really personal. "

He sighed," But Meg-"

"She said no, Z" Brian Interrupted. 

I sent him a shaky smile. I stood up. " I'll be right back"

I left the room and went out the double doors to the balcony, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. 

I lit a bud and took a long hit. 

I'm not a smoker at all, not like how the guys are. 
But every now and then I smoke when I get stressed...which lately has been a lot. 

It's not something I'm proud of. 

" I didn't know you smoked" I heard Brian's voice say, startling me. 

I jumped, not having heard the door open. 

" its only every now and then " I explained, taking another drag.

" Right" he nodded, lighting up as well. 

" Look, Meg, what happened the other day can't happen again," he sighed. 

My head snapped up, shocked," What?"
My voice came out in a whisper. 

He winced," Michelle's pregnant. I'm gonna be a dad."

That's when I felt my heart drop. 
Pregnant?

Of course he'll go back to her. 
She's his wife and she's pregnant, whereas I am neither his wife not capable of children.

" oh" I let out a strangled whisper. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. 
" how far along?" I asked. 

Brian pursed his lips," 6 weeks"

I nodded, my shoulders shaking with silent sobs. 

" Megan, I'm so sorry, I never meant for things to happen like this,I-"

" No, Brian, I don't want to hear it. " 
I ended my cigarette, dropping it in the tray, turning to go inside. 

Johnny was the first to notice my return 
I don't know if it was the tense body language, or the tear tracks on my face, but he sent me an apologetic look my way. 

I nodded, wiping my face, going back to my lyrics. 

Way to go, Megan. 
Fall in love with a married man. 
You should have known it wouldn't end well.