Status: PAUSED
Dear Reader
17
Dear Reader,
I went to see Ciera yesterday. It was one of those weird days again. You know, the ones where I told you she has like a different personality. Well not a completly different personality; she's just calmer. She goes back and forth from being really talkative and hyper with me, to sitting still, at a distance, and almost mute. Should I be worried?
I mean, what if she's not who she seems to be? What if she's just here for the money or to discover my deepest thoughts and then use it against me? What if I'm letting her get to close? What if I'm just paranoid and should stop asking questions to an imaginary friend known as my diary that I know can't answer me.
I just don't understand people or how I should act around them; that's why i'm paranoid. I should just learn how. Maybe I'll ask Lark to help me with that. But what if I'm asking her too much? Crap! I haven't had a real friend in so long that I don't know what i'm doing anymore. I don't even know how to carry on a lasting conversation!
I tried saying 'hi' to everyone when I got to Amy's house, but it ended up as a "eakeehfif." Yea, that's me dying an awkward, social death. In other words, I was choking.
I quickly ran away into the bathroom with. This where all this writing is taking place by the way. I should probably return now shouldn't I? Well, you can't mak me! Ha! Dumb book!
Sorry. I'm extra wierd today. I feel so awkward. It's mostly 'cause of my failed conversatioin with Peter from work yesterday! When he drove us home, it was so w-awkward (my made up word for wickedly awkward. dig it? hate it? whatever! I love it!) and more than so then the last few days he's been driving me and the twins home! I just kept staring at him- trying to figure him out.
The problem with that: I wasn't just staring; I was eye stalking him and he knew it. He probably thinks I like him or hate him. Either way, he's got the wrong idea.
Although i do possibly like him as a friend, I don't "like" like him, you know? But then I don't hate him 'cause he seems nice. But no matter how nice he seems, I can't bring myself to be nice back. Being cruel is a horrible habit. It catches like wild fire when you do it long enough and it's hard to stop it.
I felt a little bad during the moments where I was being rude and catty and he just got all quiet because he kept giving me this look. I can't explain it, but he looked sad, almost as if he were pittying us both. He has a reason to pity himself, but why me? Why'd he look sad for me? "Why do I suck at figuring people out" would be the better question, right? Oh well, I gotta go- considering i'm being a john-hogger (yes another made up term by me! woot woot for made up words!)
Anway, tah tah 4 now readers
-me
I went to see Ciera yesterday. It was one of those weird days again. You know, the ones where I told you she has like a different personality. Well not a completly different personality; she's just calmer. She goes back and forth from being really talkative and hyper with me, to sitting still, at a distance, and almost mute. Should I be worried?
I mean, what if she's not who she seems to be? What if she's just here for the money or to discover my deepest thoughts and then use it against me? What if I'm letting her get to close? What if I'm just paranoid and should stop asking questions to an imaginary friend known as my diary that I know can't answer me.
I just don't understand people or how I should act around them; that's why i'm paranoid. I should just learn how. Maybe I'll ask Lark to help me with that. But what if I'm asking her too much? Crap! I haven't had a real friend in so long that I don't know what i'm doing anymore. I don't even know how to carry on a lasting conversation!
I tried saying 'hi' to everyone when I got to Amy's house, but it ended up as a "eakeehfif." Yea, that's me dying an awkward, social death. In other words, I was choking.
I quickly ran away into the bathroom with. This where all this writing is taking place by the way. I should probably return now shouldn't I? Well, you can't mak me! Ha! Dumb book!
Sorry. I'm extra wierd today. I feel so awkward. It's mostly 'cause of my failed conversatioin with Peter from work yesterday! When he drove us home, it was so w-awkward (my made up word for wickedly awkward. dig it? hate it? whatever! I love it!) and more than so then the last few days he's been driving me and the twins home! I just kept staring at him- trying to figure him out.
The problem with that: I wasn't just staring; I was eye stalking him and he knew it. He probably thinks I like him or hate him. Either way, he's got the wrong idea.
Although i do possibly like him as a friend, I don't "like" like him, you know? But then I don't hate him 'cause he seems nice. But no matter how nice he seems, I can't bring myself to be nice back. Being cruel is a horrible habit. It catches like wild fire when you do it long enough and it's hard to stop it.
I felt a little bad during the moments where I was being rude and catty and he just got all quiet because he kept giving me this look. I can't explain it, but he looked sad, almost as if he were pittying us both. He has a reason to pity himself, but why me? Why'd he look sad for me? "Why do I suck at figuring people out" would be the better question, right? Oh well, I gotta go- considering i'm being a john-hogger (yes another made up term by me! woot woot for made up words!)
Anway, tah tah 4 now readers
-me