Status: PAUSED
Dear Reader
5
I grabbed my lunch from my locker and headed toward the cafeteria. As soon as I walked in, about half of the people stopped eating and talking just to give me their full attention. I knew I could easily glare at them and they'd not only stop, but also give me their lunches and their table, but I wasn't in the mood for being mean. I actually feel bad every time I have to be mean, or sarcastic to someone, but again, it's my defense and I must stay safe!
I spot an empty table by the window and take my "come near me, and I'll kill you" position. For those of you who don't know this position, it's a "thug" face (saying, "i'll definitely tear you up and not care about the blood staining my clothes"), earphones in my ears on full blast (saying, "I'm not listening and don't intend to"), body curled up while drawing (saying, "I'm closed off and busy"), and my food constantly being shoved in my mouth (showing I didn't want to use it to talk). This position was one of my most powerful defenses. Well, it was till DJ came and plopped next to me grinning.
"Do you not see 'the position'?" I whispered in a deadly tone. "Yep! But I know you! You won't attack me right off the bat unless I'm touching you and I'm a safe distance." he informed me. "Well, when did you become such an expert on me?" I asked while stuffing my sand which in my mouth not expecting him to answer. "We dated! remember silly?" he exclaimed like I could forget.
Yup! I dated DJ! That's actually how he met my brother. We had been dating awhile and then I made them meet because at the time, my brother's opinion meant the world to me. He gave the okay and then we all started double dating with whoever Scott's eye candy was at the time.
He and my brother hung out alot more eventually making them best friends and I was happy.. until I found out they were both doing drugs. I loved both of them alot, but I can't stand it when people cause harm to there bodies. People always say drugs don't hurt you or they wont until you do it consistently, but I know for a fact it WILL kill you.
It starts by hooking you so you do end up doing it consistently and then next thing you know you're dead. And then you end up leaving your loved ones alone to fend for themselves. That's what my dad did (my biological one).
My mom remarried and the dude's a real creep, but that's besides the point. I figured that Scott and I would be there for each other while this new fart of a person was taking up space in our house, but instead he turned to drugs. What I can't understand is why he would choose drugs when he saw what it did to our dad. Is he trying to leave me completely by myself with no one, but my jacked up mom and her nasty husband? Of course I have my two younger brothers, but they'll probably take Scott's lead or maybe he'll hurt them to.
And DJ! Was he trying to remind me of the reason I hated my dad? He knew how much I hated drugs! Didn't he know he was one of the only people I cared that much about? Why would he try and hurt himself like my dad did? I couldn't figure out the answers to these questions, but I continued to date him until his personality changed, and until he chose being my brother's friend over being my boy friend.
I told him I hated my family and that I didn't want him to like them anymore, and he refused. I tried telling him why I hated them, and like my mother, he ignored me. He's stopped doing drugs because he finally realized what it was doing to his body and personality, and what he claimed to be most important- me, but I refused to take him back. I just can't forgive him for picking the wrong side; he was supposed to support me!
I awoke from my thoughts and turned to look at DJ who was staring at me silently. I gave him a questioning look and he replied "I'm just watching you think." I gave a bored look and asked, "how do you know I'm thinking? I could just be blanking out." "You never just blank out; you're always thinking something pretty important. Besides that, I know your thinking face" he replied.
I just continued to stare at him blankly unsure of what to say. And then I saw Miguel and Scott slide in to the chairs in front of me- Miguel with a flirty face (like always), and Scott with an extremely pissed off face. Scott continued to stare at me like that and I continued to stare back. As strange as this seems, this is what we usually do. I usually don't snap at him like I did- no matter how much I hate him. Like I said before, I'm silent and no matter how upset I am, I don't speak.
Miguel was the first to speak. He asked "You do realize he's not glaring at you just to glare today? Right?" I continued to stare at Scott and nodded. I refused to show I was scared although I was. I just kept staring blankly while stuffing my face.
"Well, aren't you going to apologize to me about being so rude this morning?" Scott demanded. I shook my head. He tried again with a, "Look, I understand you're all pissed about being so close to the crazy house, but you better apologize! I tried to let it go all morning and all I could think about is you being rude to me when all i've ever done was be kind to you!"
I had to scoff at that. Then he smirked evilly and and answered "You better apologize if you know what's good for you." I knew what he meant, but I couldn't say sorry. I have this policy about lying- don't do it! I literally can't lie! I can pretend to dislike someone, but I can't verbally lie. I end up getting an asthma attack- a very bad one. Last time I tried to lie to my teacher about my homework, I ended up in the hospital. So, I just sat there... staring at him- staring, eating, and crying inside.
He licked his lips and then glared- something he does only when he means business. My legs finally found the power to move and I ran. I ran until I ended up in a completely different wing of the school. But I only stopped because I ran into a human wall.
I looked up with tears in my eyes. He was cute and seemed nice enough by the way he smiled and said "sorry," but I started running again. I hate boys! All of them are jerks! I have yet to find a kind guy that has only the best intentions for me. Maybe if I did, i'd have friends or maybe even a boyfriend again. Maybe if DJ was like that, I'd even take him back. Maybe.
I spot an empty table by the window and take my "come near me, and I'll kill you" position. For those of you who don't know this position, it's a "thug" face (saying, "i'll definitely tear you up and not care about the blood staining my clothes"), earphones in my ears on full blast (saying, "I'm not listening and don't intend to"), body curled up while drawing (saying, "I'm closed off and busy"), and my food constantly being shoved in my mouth (showing I didn't want to use it to talk). This position was one of my most powerful defenses. Well, it was till DJ came and plopped next to me grinning.
"Do you not see 'the position'?" I whispered in a deadly tone. "Yep! But I know you! You won't attack me right off the bat unless I'm touching you and I'm a safe distance." he informed me. "Well, when did you become such an expert on me?" I asked while stuffing my sand which in my mouth not expecting him to answer. "We dated! remember silly?" he exclaimed like I could forget.
Yup! I dated DJ! That's actually how he met my brother. We had been dating awhile and then I made them meet because at the time, my brother's opinion meant the world to me. He gave the okay and then we all started double dating with whoever Scott's eye candy was at the time.
He and my brother hung out alot more eventually making them best friends and I was happy.. until I found out they were both doing drugs. I loved both of them alot, but I can't stand it when people cause harm to there bodies. People always say drugs don't hurt you or they wont until you do it consistently, but I know for a fact it WILL kill you.
It starts by hooking you so you do end up doing it consistently and then next thing you know you're dead. And then you end up leaving your loved ones alone to fend for themselves. That's what my dad did (my biological one).
My mom remarried and the dude's a real creep, but that's besides the point. I figured that Scott and I would be there for each other while this new fart of a person was taking up space in our house, but instead he turned to drugs. What I can't understand is why he would choose drugs when he saw what it did to our dad. Is he trying to leave me completely by myself with no one, but my jacked up mom and her nasty husband? Of course I have my two younger brothers, but they'll probably take Scott's lead or maybe he'll hurt them to.
And DJ! Was he trying to remind me of the reason I hated my dad? He knew how much I hated drugs! Didn't he know he was one of the only people I cared that much about? Why would he try and hurt himself like my dad did? I couldn't figure out the answers to these questions, but I continued to date him until his personality changed, and until he chose being my brother's friend over being my boy friend.
I told him I hated my family and that I didn't want him to like them anymore, and he refused. I tried telling him why I hated them, and like my mother, he ignored me. He's stopped doing drugs because he finally realized what it was doing to his body and personality, and what he claimed to be most important- me, but I refused to take him back. I just can't forgive him for picking the wrong side; he was supposed to support me!
I awoke from my thoughts and turned to look at DJ who was staring at me silently. I gave him a questioning look and he replied "I'm just watching you think." I gave a bored look and asked, "how do you know I'm thinking? I could just be blanking out." "You never just blank out; you're always thinking something pretty important. Besides that, I know your thinking face" he replied.
I just continued to stare at him blankly unsure of what to say. And then I saw Miguel and Scott slide in to the chairs in front of me- Miguel with a flirty face (like always), and Scott with an extremely pissed off face. Scott continued to stare at me like that and I continued to stare back. As strange as this seems, this is what we usually do. I usually don't snap at him like I did- no matter how much I hate him. Like I said before, I'm silent and no matter how upset I am, I don't speak.
Miguel was the first to speak. He asked "You do realize he's not glaring at you just to glare today? Right?" I continued to stare at Scott and nodded. I refused to show I was scared although I was. I just kept staring blankly while stuffing my face.
"Well, aren't you going to apologize to me about being so rude this morning?" Scott demanded. I shook my head. He tried again with a, "Look, I understand you're all pissed about being so close to the crazy house, but you better apologize! I tried to let it go all morning and all I could think about is you being rude to me when all i've ever done was be kind to you!"
I had to scoff at that. Then he smirked evilly and and answered "You better apologize if you know what's good for you." I knew what he meant, but I couldn't say sorry. I have this policy about lying- don't do it! I literally can't lie! I can pretend to dislike someone, but I can't verbally lie. I end up getting an asthma attack- a very bad one. Last time I tried to lie to my teacher about my homework, I ended up in the hospital. So, I just sat there... staring at him- staring, eating, and crying inside.
He licked his lips and then glared- something he does only when he means business. My legs finally found the power to move and I ran. I ran until I ended up in a completely different wing of the school. But I only stopped because I ran into a human wall.
I looked up with tears in my eyes. He was cute and seemed nice enough by the way he smiled and said "sorry," but I started running again. I hate boys! All of them are jerks! I have yet to find a kind guy that has only the best intentions for me. Maybe if I did, i'd have friends or maybe even a boyfriend again. Maybe if DJ was like that, I'd even take him back. Maybe.