So Easy to Love

After Porsche told me where Tanner was, I got up as fast as my eight month pregnant butt would let me. Nothing was going to stand in my way. Tanner… doesn’t crash. But every time he does, it’s always… bad. And the feeling that I had right now, made me think it was the worse thing imaginable. Why does this have to happen now?

I had three damn hours to drive though. This was torture! At least Landon didn’t come. I convinced him to stay at home with the nanny. I was pretty sure whatever kind of state Tanner was in, I didn’t want him to see his dad in that way.

To add to this lovely situation, Zak called me. I’m going eighty down the freeway right now, Zak. I kind of can’t talk! I silenced his call and let my phone sit on the seat. I was only going to answer it if it was Porsche… and I hoped she’d have good news.

No more calls came though. Good… he got the point. If you’re wondering, we’re not together. I don’t want to be with him. But this child just had to be his. Now I’m stuck with him for eighteen years in some way.

But none of this matters right now. Tanner does. He’s always been the only one that mattered though… Once I finally made it to the hospital, I rushed inside… only to find out that he was… in ICU. Not again…

After a long, long or what felt like long elevator ride to his floor, I was meet with Porsche and Robbie, Tanner’s manager and some other bulky guy that I didn’t know.

Without saying anything, Porsche got up and rushed over to me, wrapping her petite arms around me as best as she could. A pouty look came over me as I hugged back onto her while gently rubbing her back.

“He’ll be ok… he always has,” I gently spoke, trying to soothe her.

“But he doesn’t…” she started to sniffle. “He thinks I’m still eighteen,” she pushed out.

“It’ll be ok. He’ll come to in a little bit and everything…” I attempted to calm her once again, but she cut me off by shaking her head violently.

“He thinks you guys aren’t married yet. He called you his girlfriend,” she added.

I stared back at her stunned. He… oh my gosh. I had to sit down. Porsche sat next to me while I tried to think of a way to… fix it! I had no idea. I couldn’t even fix our relationship… how am I supposed to fix this!?

“Maybe you should… go see him, El. Porsche said he was asking for you,” Robbie spoke softly.

“Are you insane?” I quickly shot at him. “If he thinks I’m his girlfriend. Then he thinks we don’t have kids! If I walk in there with this,” I paused, motioning to my eight month pregnant stomach, “then he just might lose it,” I finished.

“Yeah but… maybe it could… help things?” he kept going, unsure of his words.

I sent him a look as if to say ‘you just said that’. If I’m reading him right, he thinks I should… tell Tanner the baby’s his… I can’t do that. For one, in his right state of mind, he already knows it’s not. And two… I’m not taking advantage of his situation. No… I can’t. I’ll just be here for Porsche and everything… should be ok.

“He wants to see you though,” Porsche spoke up softly.

“Porsche, I can’t do this to him… not now,” I replied.

“Please, at least go see him,” she went on.

I didn’t want too! I wanted to find a huge hoodie and shove it over my head to at least attempt to hide my stomach. This isn’t good! But Porsche convinced me to walk into his room.

My feet slowly led me in front of his door. A heavy sigh came out of me once I rested my hand on the doorknob. As if encouraging me or telling me this was a horrible idea the baby that was going to be born in less than a month gave a soft kick.

After I opened the door, I poked my head around it to see Tanner’s calming blue eyes hidden behind darken lids. A sigh of relief came out of me as I stepped inside. Just stay asleep and everything will be just fine!

I pulled a chair up to his side so that I could hold onto his hand… and hide my stomach as best as I could. Once I gave his hand a gentle squeeze, he squeezed back and slowly let his eyes open.

“You made it,” he spoke in such a soft, yet raspy voice.

“Of course I made it. You scared the hell out of me,” I teased through a smile while stroking his hand with my thumb gently.

“You’re not wearing your engagement ring,” he quickly countered, doing his best to glance down at my hand… my left one… that was holding his.

“I uh… I was in such a hurry to get out of the house that I uh… forgot to put it back on after a shower,” I made up.

He nodded his head, accepting my lie words. Hoping to get past this, I reached over and left a soft kiss on his forehead. I know he’s not really ‘Tanner’ right now, but… I missed him so much.

“Come here,” he spoke up, holding his good arm open for me.

“Tanner, I can’t… I’ll.. hurt you,” I quickly thought of. Hiding stomach plan… not working!

“No, you won’t. I want to hold you,” he muttered in his weak voice.

“Tanner,” I said a little more sternly.

“Ellie,” he replied with his eyes pleading.

I looked at him, trying to convince him not to do this. URG! He’s so difficult sometimes. Before he could see it, I… told him.

“Tanner, I’m pregnant,” I pushed out.

Silence fell over the two of us. The only thing that could be heard was the increased beeping of his heart monitor. He quickly calmed himself down though and brought his eyes back up to mine… and smiled. Oh no.

“No, Tanner, I’m… really pregnant,” I tried to get it across to him… so I stood up slowly.

His eyes traveled down to my abdomen and seemed to grow as best as they could with one blackened in a bruise. I swallowed hard, hoping his heart wasn’t going to stop. But to my great surprise, he just continued to smile up at me… and opened his arm out again.

This time… I smiled and carefully curled up on the small spot next to him. His arm hooked around me securely while I gently nuzzled up to him.

“I love you,” he whispered before pressing his lips to the top of my head.

“I love you too,” I replied through a small smile that I knew he didn’t see.

I know I was building this up to be something it’s not, but… I didn’t have the heart to retell him. Even though he was really hurt, he seemed so… happy. And I’m happy. The two of us are happy… together. When’s the last time I said that and meant it? I just hope this can continue… even when he gets his full memory back.