Pride

And it was a long week, an incredibly long week. Kai and I didn’t hang out as much as I thought we would since we made up…or at least I thought we did. Apparently not because he’s still hanging out with that Garrett guy more than me. I still have no idea what I did wrong, if I did anything, and it’s really starting to piss me off.

Sighing, I finish packing for the cabin. Mom, dad and Shania are already waiting for me in the car so I exit the apartment and pound on Kai’s door. It doesn’t take long for him to answer. The boy smiles when he sees me. “H-Hi Shiloh!”

“Hey…ready?”

Kai nods and says good-bye to his parents. He follows me out of the building and to my parents’ car. The ride to the cabin is a lot shorter with Kai around. My parents adore him, for unknown reasons and I think Shania has a tiny crush on him because every time he’s around she starts giggling and blushing like crazy. I don’t understand. Does Kai release some type of pheromone or something to attract women!?

We arrive at the slopes sooner than I expected. Kai and I run to the cabin and rush to change. We’re stumbling out of the cabin, saying good-bye to my parents before they even have time to finish getting ready for the slopes. Kai and I are skiing in no time and it just seems like old times again.

Just like every year before this, Kai and I ski together. It feels great to have Kai back. I’ll never admit that out loud. I’ve been so pissed about Garrett and the secrets lately that I haven’t been able to enjoy the time we have together. Kai and I may not be alike in a lot of ways but it’s always fun to hang out with him. It’s always full of laughs and smiles.

The day soon turns to night and we have to head back to the cabin. Kai and I are so beat from the long day of skiing that when we get back we don’t bother talking with my parents. We head back to our room where we strip ourselves to our boxers and fall onto our beds. Groaning, I turn so that I’m facing Kai who is lying face down across the room on his bed.

“Today was fun,” I say with a genuine smile. Kai faces me just in time to see it and he smiles too.

“Y-yeah…I’m so beat I don’t know if I’ll be able to ski tomorrow.” He turns onto his side and curls up under the blankets. He looks cute.

“I don’t give a damn how much pain you’re in. We’re skiing tomorrow so suck it up and be a man,” I joke, sighing as my eyes start to become heavy. I can’t go to sleep though, not yet. I told myself I’d make Kai tell me what’s going on this weekend. I just know if I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it.

Forcing my tired eyes to open, I look across the room to see that Kai is on the verge of passing out. I sit up and walk across the room to his side where I push him over. He grunts as I do so and opens his eyes to see me sitting beside him. The look on my face must have given me away because the boy frowns.

“You know what I want to talk about,” I say staring him straight in the eyes. He breaks eye contact with me to stare down at his feet. It’s obvious he was hoping that I’d avoid this topic but there is no way in hell I’m not getting answers. Now is the perfect time for them.

“S-Shiloh…it’s really nothing.” He isn’t fooling me.

“Bull shit it’s nothing. I know that you’ve decided on a college.” I want so badly to scream but I keep my tone soft and low so my parents and Shania don’t hear me. Knowing them, they’ll try coming in and calming me down. I can’t have them getting in the way.

Kai doesn’t seem at all shocked at what I have to say, which means his mother has already spoken to him about this. Sighing, he sits up straight. The expression he wears tells me exactly what he’s thinking. He really doesn’t want to talk to me about this, about anything. It only pisses me off more.

“Don’t try avoiding it this time. You’re going to tell me what’s been up with you lately whether you want to or not.” I don’t know if it’s the tone of my voice or Kai has just finally given up but he sighs and I know that I’ve won.

Kai rubs the back of his neck and with a frown he asks, “You c-can never h-hate me, right Shi?”

“Why the hell are you asking me that?” I grunt, crossing my arms angrily. Kai doesn’t say anything though. He sits beside me and stares at me and waits for me to answer. I really don’t want to though because the question is such a dumb one. It isn’t something guys normally talk about but I give in because I am tired of being clueless. “No…we promised to be best friends forever, Kai. Nothing is ever going to change that.”

Kai smiles and I can see some of his tension diminishing. It’s still there, his shoulders are still stiff and his eyes are still filled with worry but he seems a bit more comfortable after I clarified that. I’m going to kick his ass later for making me admit it. He isn’t a girl. I shouldn’t have to say shit like that to him.

Kai takes in a deep breath and says, “You remember at the beginning of the year, the first time I said I had to start looking for scholarships?”

I nod.

“Well I-I really wasn’t lying when I said that or the times after. It’s j-just…my mom brought home a friend from work that weekend and she brought her s-son, Garrett along with her. He had just graduated last year and he’s going to college for a history major so he said he’d help me out. He told me a-about a friend at WVU and I j-just kind of felt like that w-was the one. I…y’know I d-don’t have many friends because I’m s-such a loser but Garrett and I r-really got a long and he’s really nice! I know t-that you’d like him too.”

“If you know that then why the hell haven’t I met him?” I didn’t mean for the question to come out in a growl but it did. Something in my gut just keeps twisting and turning at the thought of Kai keeping a secret from me. Friendship needs trust and lying to your friends doesn’t show any type of trust at all.

“T-That is the problem…I w-was scared to tell you this but…I um, don’t know how to say it.”

Kai‘s face has become beat red and body stiff. By the way he‘s squirming beside me I know he‘s about to tell me something big…then again, Kai is an idiot. Knowing him it‘ll be such a simple matter that I won‘t just get pissed at him for keeping it a secret but at myself for not being able to find it out. Sighing, I decide there is no way Kai is going to be able to spit it out the way he‘s shaking so I smack his knee in a I‘m-here kind of way. “Just say whatever is on your mind, man. You know I’ll listen to your bullshit.”

Kai looks down at me, his gaze intense. Something in my chest skips and I swear it‘s not my heart. With him looking at me in such a way, I don‘t know what to do. My cheeks feel like they‘re heating up and my breathing has stopped. Why is he looking at me like that?

“I…I-I’m pretty sure I’m…g-gay.”