Pride

Finally it’s the weekend. Kai and I haven’t really talked much over the week. We probably won’t talk much this weekend either considering that it’s the start of our two week vacation for Christmas. He’s leaving today, like he does every year, to visit his grandmother in another state. He won’t be back until the end of the break. Part of me wants to talk to him before he leaves because I feel like if I don’t we really don’t have a chance. Another, much larger, part of me doesn’t even want to see him.

Sighing, I change the channel, trying to find something worth watching. Since its Christmas there’s nothing but Christmas related shows on. I normally would be happy because I love watching Christmas movies. They’re always great, no matter how old they are. However, every time I see the main character spending their Christmas with someone special I feel sick.

Kai and I usually always spend the day before he leaves together and celebrate Christmas early.

I don’t think this Christmas is going to be like the others.

Suddenly there’s a knock on the door. I announce that I’ll get it, allowing mom to stay in the kitchen and continue cooking. Grumbling, I head towards the door and open it, only to wish I hadn’t.

“H-Hey,” Kai stutters, feeling the tension just as much as I am.

“Hey.” What am I supposed to do?

Kai bites his lip and by the way he’s glancing at everything but me it’s obvious he has something to say. I somehow work up the courage to ask, “Do you want something?”

“Uh…y-yeah, kind of,” Kai replies nervously, his hands digging into his pockets. The silence makes it seem like a few seconds is actually a few hours. “I actually…h-have a favor to ask. Um…can…could I p-possibly…stay with you for Christmas?”

I gawk at Kai for I don’t even know how long. I’m just so shocked that Kai asked that. He has never stayed with me for Christmas. Kai only gets to see his grandma once a year for Christmas only and he loves her to death. When he returns normally all he talks about is how much fun he had with her.

“A-Are you serious? But…you only see your grandma once a year Kai. You should really go see her.” But I’d really like to keep you here with me.

“I know…b-but I feel like i-if I go things b-between us won’t g-get better,” Kai whispers quietly, his cheeks lighting up with embarrassment. I find myself smiling for the first time this week because Kai…he’s just so cute. Eh…no wait, he isn’t cute. Yes he is.

Still, I’m happy. I’m so happy…and nervous.

Mom says yes, she’s more than happy to have him over. After he says good-bye to his parents, he and I head back to my room. My parents and Shania leave to go Christmas shopping or whatever. I don’t even know. I’m sitting on the floor playing video games while he’s lying on my bed, watching in amusement as I play Nazi Zombies. Everything just feels so normal again, finally.

After what felt like an eternity, Kai and I seem to be acting like our old selves. We’re sitting together watching movies. He’s eating all my popcorn. We’re laughing and joking until the sun goes down and I’m starting to think maybe we really can get over whatever it is that’s keeping us apart and just be normal again. But it seems the world hates me and everything goes crashing down in flames when Kai’s phone goes off.

The two of us jump. Kai stares at his back pocket like he forgot he even had his phone with him. Chuckling, he pulls it from his pocket and stares at the screen. When I see the name Garrett flashing across it, I growl. Kai didn’t hear me but he does look at me, silently asking for permission to answer.

I scoff. “Go ahead. He’s your boyfriend.”

But that’s not really how I feel. The moment he answers and puts on that dumb smile I feel the anger boiling up in my stomach. My teeth are grinding together as I listen to him talk. My ears aren’t fully comprehending what it is he’s saying but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that Garrett is interrupting our time together. This is our time. Just me and Kai.

He’s taking away my Kai. He’s talking to my Kai. He kissed my Kai. I’m not going to let him steal my Kai.

I don’t realize what I’m doing until I’ve already done it. Kai doesn’t notice me stand up so he’s stunned when I grasp his phone, hanging up on Garrett before chucking it across the room. My blood pressure is rising, it has to be. I can feel the blood rushing throughout my entire body. I feel so pissed.

“Shiloh, what’d you do that for?” Kai asks, about to head over to retrieve his phone but I grab his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. I’m too busy staring at the connection between us, my hand around his wrist, to notice him getting closer to me. He’s so close that I can feel his breath. “Shiloh…what is it?”

“I hate him,” I spit out. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m not thinking this through. I’m not considering the consequences. I’m just kind of…letting it all out. Maybe I’ll regret this later, maybe I won’t but I just need to say something. “I fucking hate him!”

“Who? Garrett? I…I t-thought you said that h-he was ok.”

My entire body is shaking because the more I think about Kai and Garrett together, the more I hate it. The memory of them in his room, kissing each other, touching each other, it infuriates me. Just thinking about Garrett putting his hands on Kai makes me want to kick the shit out of him.

“Don’t let him do that.”

Kai finally places a hand beneath my chin, lifting up my head so I can face him. Our eyes meet and maybe there’s something about the way I’m looking at him that makes him blush or maybe there’s something wrong with him. He blinks rapidly and asks, “D-Don’t let him d-d-do what?”

“Don’t let him touch you. Don’t let him kiss you. Don’t make him your number one. I’m the only one who can touch you!” As if to prove that fact, I push my palm up his shirt and firmly place it against his stomach. Kai’s skin tingles at the touch, my fingers burn but as embarrassing as this is I don’t pull away. Kai’s blush only darkens. “I’m the only one who can make you smile like some love sick idiot. I’m the only one who can make you blush and laugh. I’m the only one who can make you so happy that you feel weak and I’m the only person who can be the most important person to you because Garrett can’t have you. You’re mine Kai!”

I have no idea what I practically said until I see that stupid smile on Kai’s face. Suddenly, we have switched places. Kai is the one holding onto me, keeping me from pulling away and desperately trying to take back what I said. Now I’m the one blushing from his smoldering eyes.

“Shiloh…are you jealous?” My breath hitches at the husky tone Kai managed to use. I didn’t even know he could speak like that. His voice was so low and flowed so smoothly that it made my skin shiver.

“N-No!” Why did we switch places? I’m not supposed to be the stuttering idiot! Damn it!

Kai smirks. “It sounds like you are.”

“W-Well I’m not! I just…” I just, what? How else could I explain that rant I just did? I mean, I practically said that I’m jealous but I’m not! I just…don’t like Kai being with another guy who isn’t me. That still makes me sound jealous.

Kai takes the chance of me being lost in thought to make his move. Waves of shock and pleasure rack through me when his lips press gently against my own. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. My thoughts just stop. All I can focus on is the movement of his lips with mine. Soft, warm, gentle.

When he pulls away I’m still in a daze. What just happened? Did our friendship take a sudden turn?

“…Garrett.”

Kai sighs, “About him…I should explain.”

“Explain what?” The kiss is thrown into the back of my mind, but I will bring it up later. Right now though I have to listen to Kai because I have this nagging suspicion that he’s about to tell me yet another secret he’s keeping from me.

Oh joy.