Pride

Swallowing the lump that has formed in his throat, Kai suggests, “Let’s sit down.”

Normally I would argue with him just for the sake of arguing, however my curiosity is eating away at me so I allow him to guide us to the side of my bed. We take a seat on the edge, his hand clasped around my wrist, probably to keep me from trying to runaway from this…whatever this is.

“You’re hiding something else?” I ask, completely pissed at the thought of Kai keeping another secret from me. Hasn’t he been hiding enough from me? What else could there possibly be?

Kai bites his lip and shyly stares at his hand around my wrist. Mustering up all the courage in him, he slides his fingers down my wrist and into my hand where he wraps his fingers in my own. “I…k-kind of…yeah.”

“Is it yes or no, Kai?”

“Yes.”

I huff and rip my hand from his grasp. The moment I do, he flinches, like the act itself actually physically hurt him. Like a puppy, he bows his head because he knows he has done something wrong. The guilty look on his face makes my stomach squirm. Part of me just wants to hold him and tell him that I am willing to forgive him for whatever it is but there’s no way in hell I’m doing that. Let him feel guilty, he’s an ass.

“Garrett and I…we’re…w-we’re just u-using each other,” Kai explains, now twiddling nervously with his thumbs. He can’t look me in the eye. I don’t blame him. I’m glaring death at him.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” The first thing that comes to mind is sex. They’re using each other for sex. Just thinking about it makes my insides twist with anger. I huff and dig my dull nails into my arms.

“We’re in t-the same situation. We’re in l-love with s-someone we c-can’t have.” Kai somehow manages to get enough courage to look up at me. His dark eyes shine with such determination it makes me wonder if this is really Kai I’m looking at. “Garrett is in the same boat as me. He’s in love with a straight man who thinks of them as nothing more than a best friend.”

Forgive me if I sound incredibly conceited by saying this…but did Kai basically tell me he loves me? Garrett and him are in the same boat. They’re both in love with a straight man who is their best friend.

I’m straight. I’m Kai’s best friend. Is he really talking about…me? He can’t be. There’s no way.

With a quivering voice, I ask, “I never heard of this! Since when were you in love?”

Kai smiles and reaches up to trace my cheek. I stare, stunned, as the boy skims me over adoringly with his eyes. My pride is telling me to punch him in the face for treating me like a girl but I can’t seem to get myself to do it. The feel of his hand cupping my cheek and gently holding it in his hand keeps my body from moving. It’s in such shock that it doesn’t even bother trying to push him away when he leans in to press his lips to mine.

Another kiss. The same as the other. It feels like a kiss, nothing very special about it but at the same time, it is special. It’s hard to explain but not. Because this kiss is with Kai, it makes it special. I guess that’s the only way I can really explain it.

Kai and I pull apart, both our eyes glazed over with an emotion that I’m not willing to admit I have. Shyly smiling, Kai pecks my lips once more and moves away from me. He stands and paces the room while chewing nervously at his nails as he speaks, “W-When Garrett and I met it’s like we just k-knew we had something important in common. I really do like Garrett but as a friend b-because he’s really e-easy to talk to, which is why I was a-able to tell him about you. We thought that…that if we d-dated we could get over the person who h-has been plaguing us for so long. Garrett introduced m-me to the guy he l-likes and it’s o-obvious he’s still not over h-him just like I’m n-not over you…we thought we c-could continue this but I d-don’t really know…”

“Stop that,” I order, finally standing up and walking over to the panicking boy. Kai winces, he probably thought I was going to hit him, when I grip his wrist and pull it away from his mouth. The poor thing was eating away at the tip of his fingers. If I let it go any longer he’d probably start to bleed. “I told you…it’s a bad habit.”

“I’m really sorry, Shiloh!” Kai begins to cry, his meek attitude making its presence known. He sniffles and using his sleeve to wipe the tears from his eyes. “It’s just…you a-always said you w-wanted a cute g-girlfriend and t-that I r-r-ruined everything so if I were w-with Garrett and it r-really worked out…I t-thought you could be h-h-happy and get a beautiful g-girl but in the e-end I just get jealous a-and I really a-am a useless guy! You’re r-right!”

With tears streaming down his cheeks, puffy eyes and a red nose, somehow, Kai still manages to look cute. Or maybe that’s just me being weird? I must be weird, to honestly think this useless guy who shouldn’t even be considered a real man is cute. Sighing, I push back all the thoughts and feelings of how strange this is and focus on how great it feels.

Kai and I may be best friends and guys but…this, whatever this is, can’t be too bad, right? We’re best friends for a reason. It’s because we’re just meant for each other.

I press my thumb against his cheek and swipe the tears from his face. Sniffling, Kai asks, “You d-don’t hate me, right, Shiloh?”

“Dumbass.” I grip his neck and pull him down, crashing our lips together once more. My brain says no but my entire body says yes. Our lips just fit together, just move together perfectly. It feels so incredibly great to have Kai this close to me. Being number one in his life again, it makes my toes curl.

“I expect you to be broken up with that shit head by tomorrow,” I say, pressing an angry finger into Kai’s nose. He whines but nods because he knows that if he doesn’t, he will regret it. As if I’ll ever let Garrett lay a finger on Kai ever again.

Pulling away, I sit back down on the floor and turn the Xbox back on. Kai sits beside me, his shoulder just barely brushing my own. I feel my body tense up but it isn’t from any type of disgust. It’s more like nerves. I’m not used to this new found…feeling or whatever just yet.

“Hey Kai…” I mumble, glancing at him from the corner of my eye.

“Hmmm?” He hums, smiling idiotically like a child who just got a brand new toy.

I feel like a jerk for asking it but I have to, “We can keep this a secret right? I just…need some time, y’know.”

Kai doesn’t seem at all shocked at my question. If anything, he looks like he expected it. Nodding, Kai replies, “I figured you’d say that…I don’t mind. A-As long as I have you, I r-really don’t care because…I…I really love you, Shiloh.”

My cheeks burn and I absolutely refuse to look over at him because…because I just can’t! How can he say that so easily? He really is…so useless.