Pride

Waking up the next morning, I find myself slowly losing my sanity. Once again, I am hit with the realization of what had just happened yesterday. For Kai and I to kiss, that’s one thing but for Kai to give me a hand job, it’s a whole other ball game. I can’t even believe I let him do that.

I could have easily said no. Kai may be bigger than me but there isn’t that much difference. I could have shoved him off and fought but instead I sat there and willingly took it. The fact that I enjoyed it doesn’t help with my case in the least bit.

I shouldn’t have liked it. I shouldn’t stop breathing every time we kiss. These feelings that I get whenever Kai and I are together or hold one another, none of them should happen. I shouldn’t feel any of it because it’s…wrong. Two guys is fine but it isn’t fine if it’s me!

I bite my lip. I really shouldn’t have said anything to Kai. Why couldn’t I just have kept my mouth shut? If I had, Kai could be with a guy that had the capability to do this. I make it sound like you need a degree or something to be gay.

Before Kai can wake up, I leave. I, for some strange unknown reason, never really think about things until after they’ve happened. At the time, when Kai and I were actually in the process of it all, I was fine with it. It’s hard to think of anything but the raging hard on that was in my pants and afterwards Xbox and Kai kept my mind off it.

Now, I’ve got nothing. There’s nothing to distract me or keep me from thinking of how wrong and fucking weird it is! Kai and I are best friends. We’ve always been and damn…I never once thought that would change. Though, it hasn’t exactly changed, just morphed into something a bit more. How poetic!

Groaning, I bury my face in my pillows. It’s only 5 and I have to start getting ready in an hour and a half. Just thinking about seeing Kai though…it makes my stomach clench. Making up my mind, I throw on some clothes and leave without waking either my parents or Shania.

I don’t want to see Kai or Mindy. Even now, thinking about Kai is making me blush. It’s embarrassing. I wish these strange feelings in my gut would just…go away, forever.

~

My phone has been turned off long ago. I knew I’d be in for a lot of shit with my parents once I get home although I did leave a note saying I wasn’t going to school but instead heading out because I needed to clear my head. As if that would do anything. Damn parents, probably think I’m doing drugs or some shit…because you know, I’m so into shit like that.

Kai and Mindy, I know for a fact, would try calling me, especially Kai. Knowing that dumb ass he’d continuously call and leave dumb messages apologizing for something he doesn’t know that he did. Not that he did anything. This is my own fault.

Sighing, I fall back into the chair, staring at the Game Over flashing across the screen. Grumbling, I get up to go play another game. I’ve been at the mall all day, just walking around and eating then returning to the arcade every hour or so. It’s a nice way to keep my mind off things, like Kai.

“To think that we’d have the fortune of seeing each other again so soon,” a voice says from behind me and that voice…it makes my hands grip a little tighter onto the steering wheel. My blood pressure rises the moment I hear it and I’m surprised I haven’t blown a cap just thinking about the boy standing beside me.

Growling, I look over at Garrett, who has his hands in his pockets. He’s now leisurely leaning against the arcade game with a grin.

“Do you need something?” I try asking without sounding like a complete ass. I probably failed.

Garrett chuckles, “It’s funny because…I just got a call from a very distraught Kai. Apparently his lover boy isn’t answering his calls…why is that?”

I roll my eyes and get up, hoping that he’ll understand by me walking away that I have no desire to talk to him. Garrett follows after me, skipping. It makes my eye twitch. After we reach the food court and he’s still on my tail, I spin around. “It’s none of your damn business so how about you fuck off?”

Garrett stares at me curiously. “How is it not my business? Kai and I may not be dating anymore but we are friends. I think I have the right to speak to the cause of my friend’s worries.”

“He’s overreacting. I didn’t show up to school and didn’t tell him, so what?”

“But he gave you a hand job yesterday, right?”

I hate the fact that I blushed at hearing that. Sputtering, I try to form a coherent sentence but it takes me a few seconds before I finally can. “How’d you know that!”

“Kai told me over the phone.” Garrett’s grin makes me frown. It’s like he can see into my soul. Suddenly, I feel very exposed. I actually want to try and cover myself up, it’s that bad. “A hand job is a hand job, stop acting like such a prissy bitch.”

“I’m not!” I scream, throwing my hands into my hair to tug. It’s all I can do not to punch him in the fucking face. This little shit, why is he here? Why is he even alive? I should kill him. “I just needed some time to think.”

“About?”

“As if I’d tell you!”

Garrett pouts and he’s about ready to speak once more when a new voice comes in. It’s spontaneous the way Garrett’s eyes brighten, like he just heard the most beautiful thing to ever grace his ears. And his grin turns to a smile that can easily mimic Kai’s love struck grin. Turning, Garrett seems to try his best to contain his squeal of excitement when a rather tall man appears at his side. “Josh!”

Josh has to be at least six foot with short brown hair, chocolate eyes and tanned skin. He has on baggy, ripped jeans and an American Eagle light blue jacket. He’s your average guy but Garrett is staring at him like he’s an angel.

“Oh sorry, did I interrupt something?” He asks, teasingly.

“Not at all!” Garrett replies. “Actually, I was just talking with Shiloh about his love life.”

“Hey!” Both Josh and Garrett ignore my cries.

“Ha! That’s so like you, man. You need to stop this and start makin’ people pay.”

“As much as I like the sound of that I could never do it. I’m not that good of a love guru.”

As Garrett is playing the love struck puppy I turn to leave but Josh has his hand on my shoulder in a snap. The boy smiles and suggests that the three of us grab something to eat. I, obviously, go to object but Garrett doesn’t let me. He grabs my arm and literally drags me after the two of them.

Shit. How the hell did I get into this mess?