Pride

“So your boyfriend gave you a hand job and now you’re avoiding him? That’s messed up, dude.” Josh takes a rather large bite of his sandwich. “Suck it up and talk with him, pansy ass.”

“And what would you do if a guy gave you a hand job?” I growl, angrily. Like this guy has any idea what I’m going through. He seems like a perfectly straight male who probably has a pretty girlfriend, unlike me. I can’t seem to get anything I want.

Josh shrugs. “Accept it. If I was datin’ ‘em it obviously means I like ‘em so there’s no reason to ignore them.”

Garrett nods in agreement, crossing his arms over his chest as he does. “Exactly. It’s not the end of the world.”

Rolling my eyes, I sigh and listen to what Josh and Garrett have to say. Thankfully, it doesn’t take them long to finish eating. Josh announces he has to get to work and says good-bye to Garrett and I. Once he’s gone, Garrett lets out a love struck sigh that I’m sure wasn’t meant for me to hear.

“Is that him?” I ask, watching Josh disappear. “The straight best friend.”

Garrett frowns, sadly and nods. “Yeah, but my case is much more hopeless than yours. Josh is two years older than me and has been dating a beautiful girl who is a dear friend of mine for the last four years and I was informed a few weeks ago that he’s thinking of proposing.”

I literally spit my drink across the table, just barely missing the boy. With wide eyes, I stare at Garrett, whose eyes clearly show the pain he’s feeling but he’s smiling on the outside. My heart nearly snaps in half because I feel like shit for thinking about all the bad things I have said about him. Garrett isn’t a bad guy at all and I can understand now why he had been so desperate to get over Josh.

Josh and Garrett, who are just like Kai and I, are best friends. Garrett is like Kai, hopelessly chasing after someone. Kai somehow managed to finally catch up to me. The fear of losing me must be eating away at him and now…I feel like more shit.

Damn, I’m so dumb.

“Sorry,” I mumble, rubbing my temple as I do.

Garrett laughs. “No need to be. It’s my own fault but…I am in Kai’s position so I understand what he’s going through. He’s so happy to finally have you Shiloh so please…don’t get his hopes up like this. If you feel you can’t do this then don’t hurt him and just end it.”

~

“S-S-Shiloh!” Kai gasps when seeing me at his front door. He flushes and reaches for my wrist, tugging on it to try and get me to come inside. I let him drag me back to his room where we both take a seat on his bed. “Where have y-you been? I woke u-up and you were gone and I…I t-thought you were mad. A-Are-”

Kai’s questions stop the second I rest my head on his shoulder. For a second, he’s tense but then he wraps an arm around me and pulls me into him. It feels nice, the warmth radiating off his body and onto mine. The feel of his fingers brushing my shirt and his lips against my temple, these things all make my heart thump.

“Sorry…I just needed to go think about things,” I sigh. Really, I’m so dumb. Garrett and Josh were right. I was overreacting. A hand job is a hand job and it’s not that big a deal. Kai and I are dating, after all. It’s only normal for us to kiss and do other things.

I guess I may not be so ok with it right now but…for Kai, I think I’ll be willing to accept it.

Kai hums softly to himself. “S-So you aren’t…m-mad about last night?”

I shake my head and before Kai can speak another word I walk over to his Xbox. I have no desire whatsoever to talk about what happened because one way or another he’ll say something to make me admit to something embarrassing. My pride has been diminished enough already. Let’s not torture me any longer.

“Oh…I’d like to say one thing though.” I just remembered something.

Kai looks over to me, curiously. When he sees the rather unhappy look on my face, he frowns.

“Can you never talk to Garrett about what we do…like ever again?”

Kai’s eyes go wide and I don’t blame him. He stutters incoherently, making me scowl. If he wants to ask me a question the boy can at least form a sentence. Sighing, I roll my eyes and specify how I knew this. “I ran into him at the mall today and he told me that you informed him of what happened the other night. Tell someone about something like that again and I’ll fucking decapitate you.”

“Shiloh!” Kai whimpers. “You’re s-so m-mean.”

“It’s your own fault for being such a dumb ass!” I holler, angrily pointing an accusing finger at the boy.

“S-Sorry…I w-was just worried.” Kai works his way over to my side. Once there, he kisses my shoulder then places his head against my neck. I shiver at the feel of his hot breath on my neck.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever just don’t fucking do it, ok.”

Kai hums to show he understands. Well, at least that is fixed. Let’s hope I don’t have to see Garrett again. I still hate him, always will. That’s just how it is.