Pride

A day without Kai being up my ass is a day of, surprisingly, boredom. I can’t seem to be able to do anything. I’m home alone. I could watch porn or do front flips all through out the house. I could call up some friends and throw a crazy ass house party but I just don’t want to.

Kai is with his parents doing things that I rather not think about but I’m going to have to eventually. The fact that Kai is going to be moving away in a few months keeps popping up into my mind more often. Of course it would! It’s almost the end of the year, almost time for graduation.

Kai and I still haven’t talked about the stupid college thing. I’m not sure if we ever will. If I try to bring it up Kai always changes the subject. It’s damn shocking how good he is at getting me off track. I’m going to have to work on that.

I don’t even know why I care so fucking much. If he leaves, he leaves. That’s what he wants. He wants an education. He wants to become a doctor, to help people. Although I call him a dumb ass all the time Kai is actually incredibly smart. WVU is a great medical school and there’s no doubt he’ll make it through no problem. He’ll get a good job and make good money.

I don’t want to go to college. School isn’t my thing. My plans are more simple. I want to graduate, go straight to the work force and just go on with life. I don’t want to move away, at least I’ve never thought about it. I’d just get in the way of Kai’s plans and he probably knows that.

Our relationship…I bet he just wanted to have a taste of it before leaving. We’ll break up. He’ll leave and it’ll be over. It makes sense…but it pisses me off.

Fuck, I need to stop thinking about this. It’s making me way depressed. Kai and I will do what we can when we get there. Right now I just need to stop thinking about it and just…go with the flow or whatever.

I’m calling Mindy. When I’m alone I think about stupid things. Kai’s idiotic ways must be rubbing off on me…

“Why am I always the last resort?”

“Why would I willingly hang out with you? I hate you,” I tease her with a devilish grin that Mindy does not return.

Mindy huffs angrily. “So I assume that Kai can’t hang out today.”

“Maybe we just didn’t want to spend today together,” I suggest but Mindy see’s right through me. Her smirk mirrors the one I had moments ago and now it’s my turn to huff. The girl giggles to herself.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

That’s not completely true. I can lie it’s just that girls have a strange sixth sense! Women are strange, strange creatures.

“Him and his parents are discussing his plans after graduation. I guess they’re trying to finalize everything,” I grumble. Didn’t I invite Mindy over to get my mind off this? Why am I bringing it up? There has to be something wrong with me. Am I going mad? That’s obviously the reason…

Mindy must not have known about Kai’s decision because she stares at me oddly. Confused, she asks, “Plans after graduation?”

“He’s moving. He applied for WVU and got accepted.”

“Really? That’s great! I mean I always knew he’d get into a nice college but still it’s nice to hear.” Mindy doesn’t seem to understand my predicament. She hums happily to herself but then it must hit her because her eyes get this all knowing twinkle and she grins. “Aw Shiloh are you worried that your little hubby to be is going to go to school and leave you behind?”

“Hubby to be!” I holler and jump from my seat on the couch. Mindy looks far too happy with this conversation. I don’t know why I thought stomping into the kitchen would get here to give up but it was worth a shot.

“Come on Shi that’s such bullshit,” she laughs. “Kai probably has some plan up his sleeve but he’s too shy to tell you about it.”

That is probably true. When Kai thinks of something even though it’s incredibly important he often doesn’t tell me about it for a while. It’s either because he’s too shy to say it or scared of my reaction. That doesn’t justify a damn thing!

Doesn’t he think we should talk about this? It’s a pretty big thing right?

“He should tell me that plan though,” I say angrily. Why am I getting so frustrated? I need to drop it. “It’s better for us to discuss it then me worry about it for fucking months!”

“Shi you’re acting like a nagging girlfriend.”

“I will drop you.”

Mindy laughs at my threat. She shouldn’t be because I swear I’ll go through with it. She just compared me to a nagging girlfriend. She’s writing her own death wish. I am not, I repeat am not acting like a girlfriend! I am a boyfriend, boyfriend. Big difference!

I don’t like admitting that but it’s true and I need to get used to it. If I want it to work with Kai I have to be more…accepting or something. I don’t know but you know what I mean! And it’s hard but if I just think about how happy it’ll make Kai then it’s a bit easier.

I may not act like it but I do want Kai to be happy. He’s my best friend.

Mindy skips around the island to my side. Wrapping one arm around my own she tugs me from the kitchen back to the living room. She sits me down, throws in a movie and begins talking about a boy she met at the mall who was apparently a real man. Because you know, I’m not a real man or anything. She’s seriously asking for it.

By the time the movie’s over I’m not thinking about it anymore and I’m glad I managed to talk to someone about it even if the problem isn’t solved.