Pride

I honestly didn’t plan on telling Penelope that Kai and I were together…did I? Kai had interrupted me before I had time to speak but I’m sure I would have told her the same thing as Kai, only with smaller words that she and I could easily understand.

“It’s nothing,” I grunt and slam my locker shut. The bell had rung a while ago because the halls are now empty. I don’t feel like going to first so I head for the library instead.

“Shi…where are you going?” Kai asks and though he’s nervously glancing behind him he still follows me.

“Obviously to the library, dumb ass!” I answer harsher than I meant. “What are you following me for anyway? We’re just friends so it’s not like you have to be up my ass all the time.”

And I really didn’t mean to say that but it just kind of…slipped out. Kai doesn’t know that though so when he hears it his face saddens. With a frown on his lips, Kai mumbles, “I d-don’t get why y-you’re so mad, Shiloh. You w-were the one who w-wanted us to stay a s-secret so I t-told Penelope that we were just f-friends…”

“Yeah well you interrupted me! What if I was going to tell her we were together?” I shoot a glare back at the boy. We’re in the library now and there’s no one around. The librarian, Mr. Mika, is covering for someone this period so we’re safe to have our little…lover’s quarrel.

“Right…like you would openly admit to our relationship,” Kai scoffs and it’s the first time I ever heard him speak like that. He had such confidence in his voice, like he honestly believed I’d never admit to us being together. That only made me angrier.

Growling, I take a menacing step towards him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You don’t have any faith in me or something?”

Kai shrugs. “I w-wouldn’t say that…”

“It sure as hell sounded like that’s what you meant.”

“Maybe I did…so what!” Kai’s voice is raising and it’s strange to hear him shout like this at me. I would be shocked if I weren’t so mad and keen on screaming at the boy. “You shouldn’t be so shocked. We both know that you’re not ok with what we have. You think since we’re both guys that it’s weird to date and to be honest I really think you’re just pulling my leg!”

He didn’t stutter, not once and maybe if my mind wasn’t raging I would have said something about it. I’m too busy shouting back to think about that though.

“Pulling your leg? How many fucking times have we gone over this? I’m not pulling your leg! I’m not that much of an asshole and I can’t believe you’d fucking accuse me of that! Aren’t we supposed to be best friends? We know everything about each other and you’re fucking saying that I’m that big of an ass as to lead you on?” I shove him and Kai easily stumbles back into place. “Like I’d make out with a dude just to fuck around with him. Unlike you, I’m not like that!”

“Unlike me?” Kai hisses and now he’s the one shoving me. “Are you talking about Garrett? My feelings for him may not have been strong like they are towards you but that doesn’t mean we were playing around. We were trying to have a real relationship, to get over people who hurt us.”

“Oh whatever, I don’t even fucking care!” I holler. Grabbing Kai’s wrist, I use the hold to shove him away. Kai stumbles back and now we’re both staring down the other. Huffing, I turn away. “Fuck off.”

“You’re a real asshole, you know that right?” The library doors open to signal Kai’s departure.

“So I’ve been told,” I reply and go to hide behind the bookshelves.

It isn’t until a couple minutes after Kai’s gone that I realize he and I had a fight over something stupid, something so incredibly stupid! And it was all my fault. I got mad and acted like a complete ass, a total hypocrite and didn’t even think about how Kai would react.

How Kai would react…he reacted way different than he ever had. We had a full blown argument that really made no sense at all. I shouted. He shouted back. He didn’t even stutter, he cussed! That isn’t like Kai at all. Kai is a soft spoken boy who only raises his voice when provoked…and I definitely provoked him.

I didn’t mean to. Shit!

And to think Kai still believes I’m just messing with him. It’s understandable though…I mean I don’t act like much of a boyfriend do I? We hardly go on any dates and even if we do I never allow us to openly show affection in public. Every time Kai tries I shove him away…even when we’re in private I’m pushing him away.

Sure we cuddle, make out and occasionally do more than that but it’s rare. If Kai were a girl I know, I know for a fact, that we’d have done more than just make out by now. Hell, we’d probably have sex daily. And earlier wasn’t I talking about how our relationship is no different than any other?

I sure am acting like it’s different. Kai must be fed up with me by now. I’m fed up with me.

Well…I guess it’s time to talk to Mindy. Isn’t that what I always do when Kai and I fight?

“Why am I being called to the library?” Mindy questions the moment I pull her into a secluded area. Mr. Mika has returned and has yet to notice me. If he does he will surely send me to class but I have no desire to see Kai…at least not until I’ve found out how to apologize to him.

“I fucked up,” I say to her and she doesn’t seem shocked.

“I figured. I never saw Kai look so…pissed off before. I mean he was fuming!” I clasp a hand over Mindy’s lips. She whispers an apology into my hand.

“I’m sure he was. I just said some stupid shit that I didn’t mean and fuck I’m being such a hypocrite. I’m not really sure if an apology will be enough.”

Mindy leads me to the back and takes a seat. She pats the empty space next to her so I rest beside her. She orders me to tell her everything so I start from the beginning. She’s a great listener and stays silent until the very end. Once finished, I look at her and wait for her advice or a hit.

I get both. She hits me first though.

“I deserved that,” I sigh.

“You did.” Mindy throws her arms over her chest. “You definitely messed up and my only advice to you is to tell Kai everything that’s on your mind. You’re a very misleading person Shiloh. Your thoughts and actions are normally two different things and even if Kai is your best friend…his confidence is low, especially when it comes to you.”

“Tell me about it,” I groan. I wish he didn’t have such low confidence. I hate having to be so…open. But for Kai I’ll do whatever it takes. “So that’s it…just apologize?”

Mindy shrugs and answers with a devilish grin, “Depends. Do you feel that’s enough?”

No. Hell no. Fuck no. I can’t say no enough. I feel like I need to apologize for every dumb thing I’ve ever done. So I shake my head in response, which gets me a pat on the back from Mindy and another impish grin.

“Aw my little Shiloh is growing up so fast,” she giggles. “Don’t worry about it. No matter how dumb you look apologizing Kai will still love you.”

I know and that’s the only reason I have the balls to do this.