Only The Strongest Will Survive

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.

I stared up at the older lady in front of me situated in a large armchair. I was sitting up straight in an identical chair; the room around me was small but cozy. Rich, dark wood bookcase and a soft dark red carpet that every time I stared at it, I wanted to kick off my sandals and dig my bare feet into it. The large window overlooked that Charles River, a setting sun splashing on its waters as evening joggers or walking couples went by the riverside.

“And you want me to do what with this quote?” I asked, slowly slipping off my sandals and attempting to wiggle my feet into the carpet. Don’t judge! Huh, feels like Finnegan’s fur!
“Whenever you feel you feel yourself slipping again, think that. Before you go to sleep, think that. When you wake up every morning, think that.”
“Mrs. Arington, I thought this was therapy, not spiritual awakening.” I joked but the look Mrs. Arington gave me showed that she didn’t appreciate the joke.

“Miss McGregor, you need to take this seriously if you are to help yourself.” She crossed her legs, heeled foot bouncing away. “To also save your life, the conscious of your friends and family, keep your relationship solid, and not lose your ability to play for the Boston Bruins.” I let out a heavy sight at that. Woman had a point! Tuukka was happy for I was finally getting help, my friends and teammates were finally calming down and able to focus on the playoffs, and Coaches Julien, Houda, and Ward had gave me a somber chat about how this whole issue, if not resolved, could bring myself to being a free agent come the end of the season.

And the Boston Bruins wouldn’t be there to pick me up.

THAT was a bigger wake up call then seeing Tuukka almost cry. Does that make me self-centered? The fact that being told I was to be kicked out off my favorite team made me run to therapy faster then watching my boyfriend almost break down in tears when saying how it scared him so much to think that I was almost gone? Nah, I believe the combination of the two both drove me to therapy and to fixing myself.

“I know, I know…I’m just trying to lighten it up a little.”
“Which…is a good thing unless everything I’m telling you is going in one ear and out the other!” I gave a small smile.
“It hasn’t. Everything has been staying in here and it’s been helping.” Mrs. Arington closed her book of notes before speaking. Do therapist actually write anything in those or just doodle? I have a feeling they doodle pictures of theoretically stabbing annoying patients with their pencil. Cause I know that’s what I would do. “Now, I know you have a busy schedule now with the Stanley Cup Finals now knocking on your door and you will be transporting too and from Montreal. Just do you best to get here again and please remember what I told you.”

“To only leave behind the fragments and poisonous thoughts of the past and bring only the good forward.” I repeated. “So to just get rid of any reminder of a bad past and keep only the good.”
“You go it. You’re free now.” I quickly put my sandals back on and left the room, waving to some of the assistance there (already had to give autographs and get pictures taken). I got outside the building and looked at the beautiful view of Boston in the light of a setting sun. I had nowhere to go just yet, so why not walk along the Charles for a bit?

Being a rebel, I walked over the grass hill to get to the paved path instead of taking the little sidewalk to it. I walked casually along the river, hand brushing a couple of bushes here and there and stopping to just stare at the unique beauty of Boston. Its amazing how your outlook on everything can change when you are met with a drastic situation as I just recovered from. I watched as families, couples, and groups of college friends walk past; talking, laughing, smiling, and holding hands.

It then thought again, for about the hundredth time, how much of an idiot I was to try and kill myself. I now had someone to walk next to and hold hands with. I had my family back with me that was slightly broken, but mending and healing. I had the group of friends to be with. All of them I could talk with…laugh with…smile with…and love. I was living with the consequences now for what I had done and I had to learn how to overcome it and keep, as Mrs. Arington said, the bad past a faint memory so that the good can overlap it and come with me into the future.

“I didn’t think I would come across you here this evening.” I stopped and turned at the familiar voice, surprised to see Bobby Orr standing there holding the leash of a black lab that was sniffing around the ground.
“Bobby!” I said, smile coming across my face. “How are you?” Orr gave me a smile as we embraced.
“I’ve been doing pretty good, just taking Slapshot for a walk.” Bobby tugged the leash to pull the lab, Slapshot, back over to him and to not go chasing the family of ducks.
“Slapshot?”
“My sons are up visiting this weekend with his family and it’s my youngest granddaughter’s dog. Everyone at the house has their hands full today so I decided to get away from the chaos and go into the city with their dog.”

Slapshot whined at Orr, wanting to keep walking. I whistled to the dog and he came over and I gave him a good scratch behind the ear to keep him calm.
“He’s adorable! I totally understand your need to want to get away from chaos.”
“Oh, I’m sure you do. Come, we need to walk and chat.” Slapshot heard the word walk and completely forgot about me and started to march ahead. I laughed and followed in stride with legendary player. “Things going good with you and Rask?” I nodded.
“Now they are. For a bit it was extremely rocky. I swear, the road our relationship was on was so rocky that it would have broken an off-roading Jeep!” Orr chuckled.
“So I have gathered from Claude.” I looked slowly at Orr.
“What do you mean ‘gathered from Claude’?”
“Meaning that he had told me about the little incident and the contributing factors.”

I sighed and looked ahead, moving over a little to let a biker pass by.
“Oh yes, my little incident.” I then looked puzzled. “Wait, how did he know me and Tuukka were fighting?”
“I think it was obvious. He said just by the way you two were acting for a bit.”
“Damn emotions.” I muttered. “Anyways, yeah, I’ve been recovering from it and getting myself prepared for the Conference opening. Biggest moment of my life right here. The beginning of the road to the Stanley Cup.”

“I remember being in those same shoes Roxanne back in 1970 and 1972. The Stanley Cup, for only being a shiny silver piece of metal, is a big deal. A huge deal. But the team I am seeing play on the ice this year has been the best one out of them all. You guys have the skill and determination needed to get to the final.” Orr put a hand on my shoulder. “Especially you. To have lost you that night would have been a huge blow. A blow to our hearts and to our team moral.” I hung my head in shame.
“I know…I beat myself up about it everyday. Living with the shame is almost has bad as living with the depression.”
“But you will grow out of that shame for none of us look at you differently. We’re all relieved to still have you with us.”

I gave Orr a timid smile.
“Thanks Bobby, it means a lot to have not only a legend and idol but a mentor tell me this.” Orr smiled.
“I would hate to not help the daughter of the boy I taught who showed so much potential in hockey. Make him proud Roxanne.”
“I want to. I almost fucked it up but by a miracle I was brought back and reborn into the person I once was. Look out NHL, the fiery redheaded Masshole is back.” Orr patted my shoulder.
“That’s the spirit. We need that MassHole if we’re to finish what we started with Erika. She needs someone with the power to get her what she needs.”

I took a deep breath and let it out.
“I know…and I’ve finally got one biggest piece needed.” I said, looking at Orr.
“Oh?” He said. I pulled out my phone and played Kathleen’s confession. Orr listened to it deeply and with concentration. “You blew your cover…haven’t you?” Orr asked after the end. I pocketed the phone and sigh.
“I did. I’m sorry but I have got her to stay silent for she blackmailed me and I agreed to keep everything I knew silent for she knew about my attempted suicide.” I looked at Orr. “She thinks she has me in her place but it’s the opposite. I have her in my place.”

“You got me worried there Roxanne, thank god you have proven me wrong!”
“Don’t worry Bobby, we’ve got the bitch and Morrison where we need them. All that’s left is the right moment to pounce and bring them to justice. I can’t fucking wait.”

*****

I opened up my clothing drawers and started to shuffle through some of the stuff that was in there. Closet was next after I go through this shithole, and I wanted to delay that as long as possible. Throw out the old, bring in the new. Throw out the bad, keep the good. I shuffled threw all my shirts and shit and found nothing that would prove to provoke memories.

Oh wait, the gym shorts I wore that night. TRASH!

I threw the shorts out of the draw over my shoulder only to hear them go smack against a face and for Tuukka to call out.
“Voihan paska!” I turned around to see Tuuk pull my shorts off his face and just stare at me.
“Before you say anything, can I try to translate what you said? I got to get fluent!”
“While you’re pondering on that I’m going to try and figure out why you’re throwing your clothing at me.”
“You said ‘holy shit’ didn’t you?” I asked, finally coming to conclusion.
“And you’re digging like a maniac in your drawers.”
“Nice deduction babe!”

Tuukka put the shorts on the bed and came over.
“Why are you though?” I reverted back to the drawer, closing the last one and getting up to go through the jewelry on top of it.
“Getting rid of objects that are ‘bad memories’ to help bring forward only the good. Therapist suggestion.” I said, picking up a pair of wicked old ruby earrings. VT memories right here…I think Mandy got them for me for my birthday.
“Has it been helping you?” Tuukka asked, snaking his arms around my waist and kissing my cheek as I threw the earrings away.
“It’s too early to say, but I have been feeling loads better for awhile.”

“Thank god.” Tuukka said, reaching over and picking up a gold necklace with an emerald in the middle. “I like to see a genuine smile on your face.” He said, putting the necklace around my neck. “There, matches your eyes.”
“This was your Valentines gift to me, remember?” I said, touching the gem and looking up at him.
“I know hun, which is why I’m having you where it right now. Added with a smile, it makes you look twice as kaunis.” I looked up at him.
“Beautiful?”
“You’re catching on.”

Tuukka wrapped his arms around my waist as he leaned down to kiss me. I snaked my arms around his neck and we stood there kissing like we did the night we started dating which felt like ages ago.
“Babe, your distracting me from what I need to do.” I said.
“You’ve got a lifetime now to do that.” Tuukka said. “But only one more night with just me before we head onto the road for the series against the Canadiens. I think I know which has top priority.” I started tugging at the buttons on shirt.
“I think you have a point.”