The Father She Always Wanted

June 19, 2011. Fathers Day. A day in which people celebrate their fathers. My father was on a cruise with my mom, so I won't get to see him today. As for my daughter, Madelyn, she doesn't know who her father is. I do, but she doesn't. Madelyn is 5 years old, but sometimes she seems older than she is. She has beautiful brown hair that she gets from me and deep, soulful brown eyes, which she gets from her father. Madelyn is my pride and joy. She's the one thing that keeps me moving, that keeps me motivated. All I do, I do for her. Granted it is hard being a single, 23 year old mom, but it's one of the best things in my life.

Yes, I did say 23. I got pregnant when I was 18. The boy who is the father was the love of my life, and he honestly still is. He doesn't know about Madelyn. I've tried to tell him, I honestly have, but somehow whenever I'm seconds away from telling him, he goes off about how amazing his life is with his girlfriend. Oh, maybe I didn't mention. He was never my boyfriend. He was my best friend. He was my everything. And Madelyn wasn't a drunk mistake, no He and I knew exactly what we were doing. He was heart broken and I was there to console him. One thing lead to another and nine months later Madelyn was born.

I want him to know. I honestly do. I want her to know who her father is. I want her to have the crazy family that I used to have when I was with him and his friends, but things happened. They got signed to a record deal and went on tour. I went to college, baby and all. We tried to stay in contact, but things got out of hand. I hear from them, once and awhile through a text or an email, but that isn't the right way to tell him about his daughter. I always try to tell him, believe me I do. I always get mere seconds away from telling him, but then, like I said, he talks about Lisa and how he is madly in love with here and then I back down. I can't ruin his life. I know him. He'd drop everything to help me, and I mean everything. His band, His girl, His life. I can't have him do that.

"MOMMMMY!" Madelyn yells, bouncing into my room and onto my bed.

"Hi baby girl." I laugh as she gives me a hug before she starts jumping on my, very bouncy, bed.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"

"Maddie! Maddie! Maddie!" I mimic her, making her laugh.

"Mommy, bounce with me!" She yells. I laugh and get up and bounce with my daughter. After a few minutes, we get tired of that. I pick her up and fly her downstairs. Placing her on the bar stool, I walk around to the other side of the bar.

"Morning Miss. Maddie." I say in a french accent that makes her giggle. "What can I get you for breakfast?"

"I want... PANCAKES!"

"Pancakes it is then!" I laugh and start to make the pancakes as Maddie goes off about the dream she had last night. I continue to make the pancakes when all of a sudden she got silent. I looked over my shoulder and saw her looking at a calender hanging up on the wall.

"Mama?"

"Yes baby?" I ask her, getting worried because she has a pensive look on her face and whenever she get's that look, I have a lot of explaining to do. Like the time she asked me why boys don't wear bathing suit tops last year at my parents annual summer party. That was an interesting conversation and because I don't lie to her, at all, I told her all about it. She got grossed out after a while and ran off with some neighborhood kids.

"Is it fathers day?"

"Yes, it is."

"If it's fathers day, where's my daddy?" She looked at me, with the big brown eyes that reminded me so much of his eyes. Tears started to fill my eyes.

"Your daddy..your daddy...he..." I didn't know how to say this. I didn't know how to tell my five year old daughter that her father didn't even know she existed, that he may never know who she is, that we may never see him. I broke down crying. From all the guilt. From not telling Maddie, not telling him. I regret not doing so and it finally hit me. I slid to the kitchen floor, clutching my head as sobs racked my body. A few moments later I felt tiny arms wrap around me.

"It's okay mommy." That only made me cry harder. I needed to tell my baby. I needed to. After a few seconds, I collected myself.

"Do you really want to know about your daddy?"

"Yes, I weey do." She looked at me.

"Okay." I sat her down in my lap so that she was facing me.

"Your daddy's name is Alex Gaskarth. Him and I were the best of friends. We were so close and one day, during our senior year of high school, he got his heart broken. He came to me and...well remember that talk we had about where babies come from?" She nodded. "Well, that night we made you. When I found out I was going to have you, I went to tell him right away, but I found out that his band had gotten signed to a record deal. They started to tour right away. I couldn't tell him because what he was about to do was everything he ever dreamed of. I couldn't stop him from doing it. So he left, and nine months later you came along. You were and are the best thing that has ever happened to me." I finished off. She looked up at me with her big eyes.

"Can I meet him mommy?" My heart stopped. I knew she would want to one day, but I thought it would be when she was older.

"Mommy?"

"Of course honey." She smiled up at me and skipped off, leaving me there.

When I finally got up and gave her breakfast, I went to my room. Finding my phone, I scrolled through the contacts before I found the one I needed to call.

"Hello?" His voice came through the other end of the phone.

"Alex?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Alex, it's Caitlyn."

"Caitlyn! Holy fuck! I haven't spoken to you in forever! How are you?" I giggled at his enthusiasm.

"I'm doing good, how about you?"

"Eh, good I guess. Lisa and I broke up."

"Really?" My heart jumped.

"Yeah, she was becoming way to clingy and controlling."

"Oh. That's never a good thing."

"No, not at all. So why'd you call?"

"Oh. Uhm. I really need to see you. You going to be in town anytime soon?"

"Yea, actually I'm in town now, I can swing by right now actually."

"Can you?"

"Yeah!" I gave him my address and we hung up. I went and told Maddie she was going to meet her daddy. I told her to wait until I called her in. She nodded. The doorbell rang.

"You ready baby?"

"Yeah, are you mommy?"

"I think so." I told her and went to get the door. When I opened it, standing there was the boy I hadn't seen in nearly four years. He was as gorgeous as ever. He had his same styled hair, with those piercing brown eyes. Still wearing his skinny jeans and Jack's clothing line. God, those two are, I don't even know.

Seeing him there..I jumped up at him and gave him a hug.

"I've missed you so much, Alex."

"I've missed you too, Cait." We untangled ourselves and walked into my house.

"Nice place."

"Thanks." I laughed at him. I pulled him to the couch.

"Alex. There's something I need to tell you, something I've been trying to tell you for five years."

"What is it?" He asked, placing a hand on my shaking leg.

"I have a daughter." He looked taken a back.

"Really?" I nodded. He smiled huge at me.

"Oh god, Congrats! Who's the dad?" God, he is so oblivious.

"Alex. You are." He looked at me.

"What?" He whispered.

"Alex, we have a daughter together." He stayed silent.

"I understand if you're mad at me. I totally understand, just don't be mad at her, she did nothing."

"I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. I think I understand why you did it, but I still wish you would've told me."

"I know Alex, I'm sorry, but I couldn't ruin your dreams."

"You could never ruin them. I could have helped you and kept my dreams alive."

"Alex, we both know you, you would've dropped everything to help me."

"I would have, but can we stop arguing. I want to meet my daughter." I smiled and nodded.

"Maddie!" I called to her and she came in. She was shy and once she saw Alex, her eyes lit up. Alex was smiling at her and I couldn't contain my tears.

"Alex, meet Madelyn Jasey Stevenson. Maddie, meet Alex, your dad." She jumped into his arms and gripped him hard. He hugged her back twice as hard.

"Hi honey." He whispered to her.

"Hi daddy. Happy Fathers Day." She whispered back. In that moment, I knew everything was going to be exactly how it was supposed to be.

"A happy fathers day it is." He said back.