Status: Excited to work on it, if I get comments <3
Love the Way You Lie
CH.4
Staci’s POV
Nick helped me get ready and again the silence got us both. I was too upset with the fact that we are going to be burying our child in a few hours to think of anything to say to him. Everything just felt wrong; I couldn’t and still can’t get rid of this sickening feeling I have. I’m also just filled with hatred towards myself; I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.
“Can you do your own makeup?”- Nick asked.
“Yeah, but I’m not going to bother. I’ll end up rubbing it all off if I wipe my tears. And it’s not like I need to look good.”- I sighed as I looked at Nick in his suit. I looked down to my plain black dress and felt my heart ache as the feeling set in more.
“You still will always look beautiful to me.”- He whispered as he picked me up.
“Thanks.”
His strong arms carried me down stairs and placed me in my wheelchair. I was instantly greeted by his family. They shared some tears with Nick and I as they gave us their condolences.
>>>>>>
The rest of that day was a blur. I just remember sobbing as they lowered her casket as I whispered ‘I love you’ to Mia. It’s now a month later and the only thing that has changed is that I can take care of myself now. Nick and I barely speak, and when we do we normally end up fighting. Nick opened his own studio in the city and spends most of his time there. I sit alone in the nursery most days and just dream about what life would be like if Mia was alive…I don’t ever go to my dance studio, Devon basically runs the place. He understands I can’t come back now. How can I ever live a happy life when all I think about is the life I took out of this world?
Nick’s POV
I don’t even know why I bother coming home. Mia is gone and there’s no life left in me or Staci. That’s why I opened the studio, I need to do something besides sit home and cry. I feel like I let Staci and Mia down. I should’ve never let Staci leave. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as my thoughts wondered. I shook my head and tried focused on the band that was recording. But I couldn’t focus now; my heart started pounding as it ached once more. I felt empty and without love. I do not want to feel this anymore! I’m so sick of it, but I can’t get this feeling to leave.
“Guys can you just stop for today?”- I sighed into the mic.
“Yeah; Nick are you ok?”- Jack asked as he set down his guitar.
“No actually I’m not.”- I said being completely honest.
“The baby?”- He asked quietly. Yeah; everyone knows about Staci and I losing Mia. It’s everywhere I turn; instant reminder of the pain. I glared at Jack through the window; he looked away before walking out of the booth with the rest of his band.
“Look Nick; I’m sorry I brought her up. You look like you could use a drink. You want to come out with me and the rest of the band tonight. It may help you to clear your mind.”
I never really drank a lot, even when I turned 21. I know it’s horrible for my sugar, so I chose not to drink…but I need something to clear my mind. One drink won’t kill me, it may help.
Staci’s POV
Nick never came home last night. I got no sleep because I was so worried; as much as we fight I still love him. I don’t know if I could stand losing someone else that I love. Losing Mia almost killed me, and if I go through anything else I may just give up on everything. I don’t have much to live for anyways. But I need someone here and the only person I could think of was Devon.
“How are you hun?”- He said as he embraced me tightly.
“Not good at all.”- I admitted as I closed the front door.
“Well I’m sure Nick is fine, he probably had some crazy rock star that needed to work all night. Staci I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever. You never answer my texts. I’ve been so worried, and you look like you haven’t eaten in months.”- He glared. And it hasn’t been months, just since Mia died. I only drink coffee and water…and maybe I’ll eat once in a blue moon. Nick had failed to care or notice for that matter.
“I just don’t feel like talking to anyone….I mean Nick and I barely talk. I think he hates me.”- I sighed as tears formed in my eyes. Devon sat down at the kitchen table and gave me his ‘you can’t be serious look’ while I leaned on the counter for support.
“You know he doesn’t hate you.”- He said plainly.
“But how could he not, I killed his baby!”- I started sobbing. I let myself fall to the floor from exhaustion. Devon stood up quickly and helped me up.
“Listen to me. You did not kill Mia. It was an accident!”- He said staring into my eyes.
“An accident that I caused!”- I cried as I pushed him away. I walked quickly to the stairs, but I stopped and held onto the rail for support. I was so dizzy, if I tried to make it up the stairs I’d fall…maybe killing myself, which wouldn’t be that bad.
“Staci! Listen; a stupid ass high guy crashed into you. You had no idea, and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. Now calm down please.”- Devon comforted as he picked me up. I sighed as he brought me upstairs.
“If you move from this bed I will hurt you. I will be right bad with some food, and you will eat.”- He said from the door way after he put me in my bed.
“Devon…I just can’t do this!”- I started to cry again before he walked out. That’s all I ever do is cry. He turned around and came back to sit next to me.
“You will be ok.”
“I don’t think I will be. She was so tiny and she had to fight so hard…but she just wasn’t strong enough.”- I sobbed as I clung to him.
“Shhhhh; she was an amazing little girl…I know it’s not right but god said it was her time.”
“That’s not fair! Why did he do this to me? Why did he have to take my life away?”
“He has weird reasons, but he wouldn’t give you something you couldn’t handle…”
“Devon I feel like I’m dying. I would rather be dead.”- I said seriously.
“Staci…”
“No it’s true. I don’t have anything left in life. I can’t go back to doing what I love because I don’t think I should be happy when she’s dead. I don’t want to bother you or any of my family or Nick’s. And Nick…it’s like I don’t even know him.”
“Honey you would never be a bother to me, and everyone deserves to be happy…even you.”- He said kissing my forehead.
“What the fuck is this!?”- I heard Nick yelled from the door way…he sounded drunk as hell. Wait; he doesn’t drink!
Nick helped me get ready and again the silence got us both. I was too upset with the fact that we are going to be burying our child in a few hours to think of anything to say to him. Everything just felt wrong; I couldn’t and still can’t get rid of this sickening feeling I have. I’m also just filled with hatred towards myself; I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.
“Can you do your own makeup?”- Nick asked.
“Yeah, but I’m not going to bother. I’ll end up rubbing it all off if I wipe my tears. And it’s not like I need to look good.”- I sighed as I looked at Nick in his suit. I looked down to my plain black dress and felt my heart ache as the feeling set in more.
“You still will always look beautiful to me.”- He whispered as he picked me up.
“Thanks.”
His strong arms carried me down stairs and placed me in my wheelchair. I was instantly greeted by his family. They shared some tears with Nick and I as they gave us their condolences.
>>>>>>
The rest of that day was a blur. I just remember sobbing as they lowered her casket as I whispered ‘I love you’ to Mia. It’s now a month later and the only thing that has changed is that I can take care of myself now. Nick and I barely speak, and when we do we normally end up fighting. Nick opened his own studio in the city and spends most of his time there. I sit alone in the nursery most days and just dream about what life would be like if Mia was alive…I don’t ever go to my dance studio, Devon basically runs the place. He understands I can’t come back now. How can I ever live a happy life when all I think about is the life I took out of this world?
Nick’s POV
I don’t even know why I bother coming home. Mia is gone and there’s no life left in me or Staci. That’s why I opened the studio, I need to do something besides sit home and cry. I feel like I let Staci and Mia down. I should’ve never let Staci leave. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as my thoughts wondered. I shook my head and tried focused on the band that was recording. But I couldn’t focus now; my heart started pounding as it ached once more. I felt empty and without love. I do not want to feel this anymore! I’m so sick of it, but I can’t get this feeling to leave.
“Guys can you just stop for today?”- I sighed into the mic.
“Yeah; Nick are you ok?”- Jack asked as he set down his guitar.
“No actually I’m not.”- I said being completely honest.
“The baby?”- He asked quietly. Yeah; everyone knows about Staci and I losing Mia. It’s everywhere I turn; instant reminder of the pain. I glared at Jack through the window; he looked away before walking out of the booth with the rest of his band.
“Look Nick; I’m sorry I brought her up. You look like you could use a drink. You want to come out with me and the rest of the band tonight. It may help you to clear your mind.”
I never really drank a lot, even when I turned 21. I know it’s horrible for my sugar, so I chose not to drink…but I need something to clear my mind. One drink won’t kill me, it may help.
Staci’s POV
Nick never came home last night. I got no sleep because I was so worried; as much as we fight I still love him. I don’t know if I could stand losing someone else that I love. Losing Mia almost killed me, and if I go through anything else I may just give up on everything. I don’t have much to live for anyways. But I need someone here and the only person I could think of was Devon.
“How are you hun?”- He said as he embraced me tightly.
“Not good at all.”- I admitted as I closed the front door.
“Well I’m sure Nick is fine, he probably had some crazy rock star that needed to work all night. Staci I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever. You never answer my texts. I’ve been so worried, and you look like you haven’t eaten in months.”- He glared. And it hasn’t been months, just since Mia died. I only drink coffee and water…and maybe I’ll eat once in a blue moon. Nick had failed to care or notice for that matter.
“I just don’t feel like talking to anyone….I mean Nick and I barely talk. I think he hates me.”- I sighed as tears formed in my eyes. Devon sat down at the kitchen table and gave me his ‘you can’t be serious look’ while I leaned on the counter for support.
“You know he doesn’t hate you.”- He said plainly.
“But how could he not, I killed his baby!”- I started sobbing. I let myself fall to the floor from exhaustion. Devon stood up quickly and helped me up.
“Listen to me. You did not kill Mia. It was an accident!”- He said staring into my eyes.
“An accident that I caused!”- I cried as I pushed him away. I walked quickly to the stairs, but I stopped and held onto the rail for support. I was so dizzy, if I tried to make it up the stairs I’d fall…maybe killing myself, which wouldn’t be that bad.
“Staci! Listen; a stupid ass high guy crashed into you. You had no idea, and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. Now calm down please.”- Devon comforted as he picked me up. I sighed as he brought me upstairs.
“If you move from this bed I will hurt you. I will be right bad with some food, and you will eat.”- He said from the door way after he put me in my bed.
“Devon…I just can’t do this!”- I started to cry again before he walked out. That’s all I ever do is cry. He turned around and came back to sit next to me.
“You will be ok.”
“I don’t think I will be. She was so tiny and she had to fight so hard…but she just wasn’t strong enough.”- I sobbed as I clung to him.
“Shhhhh; she was an amazing little girl…I know it’s not right but god said it was her time.”
“That’s not fair! Why did he do this to me? Why did he have to take my life away?”
“He has weird reasons, but he wouldn’t give you something you couldn’t handle…”
“Devon I feel like I’m dying. I would rather be dead.”- I said seriously.
“Staci…”
“No it’s true. I don’t have anything left in life. I can’t go back to doing what I love because I don’t think I should be happy when she’s dead. I don’t want to bother you or any of my family or Nick’s. And Nick…it’s like I don’t even know him.”
“Honey you would never be a bother to me, and everyone deserves to be happy…even you.”- He said kissing my forehead.
“What the fuck is this!?”- I heard Nick yelled from the door way…he sounded drunk as hell. Wait; he doesn’t drink!
♠ ♠ ♠
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