There Was No Living Creature as Foul as I

(Nat! This is probably my favourite chapter in this one. I hope you like it as much as i do)

I was sitting watching a movie when my pocket started vibrating, I always checked so I took a quick glance, it was a message from Rhys, and what it said left me no choice but to respond to it:
Gavin and I were dating…but now we're not.

What do you mean?

We've dated for near four years, but I just ended it.

What for?

He's an ass.

Okay. I'll text him in the morning. Ian and I are watching a movie.
Thanks for not Hating me for this.

I'm pissed. Don't get me wrong.

I put my phone back in my pocket, much angrier than I had been before, "Goddamnit!" I yelled out, grabbing Ian's attention, "I knew this would happen!"

"What would, baby?"

"Rhys hates Gavin now."

"Who broke up with whom?" He always knew when he was right about something. And he liked to rub it in.

"Rhys broke up with Gav. Because Gavin's an ass. That's all I got. I'll ask Gavin when he gets home tomorrow."

Ian frowned at me. I think he could feel the anger radiating off of me. There had always been one rule. DO NOT DATE EACH OTHER! And they had done it anyway. I'm not sure Ian wanted to be around anymore because of how angry I was,

"Want to just go to bed, baby?" He asked innocently, though I knew that his intentions were everything but.

*-*-*

Happiness. It oozed out of every pre of my body. With each breath happiness began to fill my air. With each movement of Ian's chest happiness was set into action. The bed glowed with happiness filling each square inch of my room.

I had never felt so alive, but at the same time I'd never felt more dead. I had never been more peaceful, though I had never been so uneasy at the same time. I had never been so full of feeling, nor had I ever been so void of any emotion.

Everything in my body was confusing me. Everything that I felt brought the exact opposite along with it. I was happy, yet I was also miserable. The worst thing was that Ian kept telling me that I was his everything and that I was gorgeous. But the magazines told me otherwise.

I needed Ian. But Ian could do so much better than me. My head was spinning. I wanted it to stop, but at the same time I was afraid of what would happen to me if it did.

Hate. It was prevalent everywhere. Hate was slipping from each part of the room, from each part of the house; Hate was forced into my lungs as a poisonous gas and a life saver; Hate was a constant that no man could escape even though death; Hate came up from my bed and the person with me staring my straight in my face, aimed for my heart. Hate was written on my walls, scrawled on my doors that I used each day, in the rooms and every place I knew and needed. Hate was a constant noise in my ears playing its painful song; Hate was injected into each stage I took to, each van, pit and each place my job called for.

I was a shell of a man
I was an empty human
I could hide behind a smile as though I was paid to do it
But I was still an empty man
Who only lived for a boy, who needed to move