There Was No Living Creature as Foul as I

How could I have said that? I knew that Rhys was having issues with insecurities on our relationship, and I'd made it worse. I'd stayed with Snoz that night. He asked me no questions. Sean was a different story, when I'd come home, he sent Ian out.

"What did you do to Rhys?" He bellowed the second the door closed behind Ian.

"Word vomit. Don't rub it in Sean." I just wanted to go into my room and break down, and not let a soul see it.

"You two are over! He hates you, Gavin!"

"Ian fucked Ilan!" I screamed out at him, "So bugger off! Your relationship is the shits too!"

I pulled out my phone and began to text my boyfriend, I needed to explain everything to him:
What I said came out wrong Rhys. I didn't mean to say it that way.

What could you have possibly meant by we're not even dating?

I meant to everyone else, we're, we were only friends to them.

You’re a master of words aren't you them. Don't text back, I don't even want to speak with you right now.

Have you ever known that you'd done something so terrible that you figured you only had two options: one, kill yourself, or two, change your name and move far away…but you were leaning towards the first? Well that was me at that point in my life.

I should probably add that Ian had not slept with Ilan.

"Hi Gavin." came a very angry voice from my doorway, "Your relationship is over, as is mine. And guess what. Both are your fault." His teeth were obviously clenched and he was contemplating murdering me, "I sure hope Ilan was fucking worth it! Because I don't seem to remember it!"

"Ian…I'm sorry." I told him, not being able to look into his face.

Normally it'd have been the best time, but today was the worst time. I was a day started with love, but it was a day that was ended with hate, it was the ending of belief, and the beginning of disbelief, it was the second of joy, but it was the hour of hate, it was the day with meaning, but the night would be of worthlessness, we were left with nothing, but we'd started with it all, we were headed towards Hell, and we had no intentions of the direct other way. And all of this was my fault. And Ian planned to rub that in.

"Can no one around you be happy Gavin?" He asked me, "If you're miserable do you have to bring us all down as well?"

"I'm sorry Ian." Tears once again fell down my face. Not only had I ruined myself, I'd done it to Rhys, Sean, and Ian. And that time more than ever I thought a bullet would be my new best mate.