Daughter of Loss

If Severus had been in danger of a heart-attack before, he was now like an obese 70 year-old muggle in a hotdog eating contest.

“Oh…”

“My…”

“BER-LODDY HELL!!!”

“How did that happen?”

“This is too weird!”

“Who is this girl?”

“Severus?”

The last statement was made by Madam Hooch who was now very scared at the fact that there was a very big possibility of having to do mouth-to-mouth if he had some sort of heart failure. “Severus? Say something! Sev?” Okay, now she was horrified. They wouldn’t be able to find a new potions master on such short notice! But really, what to crap was going on? Snape-Potter? But she’s Lily and James’s daughter surely! Then what is up with the hyphenated name? Well, it didn’t look like Severus knew any more than she did but really, he couldn’t have a heart-attack right now! God, he was only 29, not the best age to die of a heart-attack! Oh crap, looks like someone needs to take him to the hospital wing.

Mildred sat and waited for the other two first years to be sorted before getting Madam Pomfrey’s attention.

Sara was standing there, dumb-struck by the insanity of it all. Oh. My. God! She’s a SLYTHERIN! But, she said her mum was a Gryffindor? But she never said her dad… Merlin’s pants! What if Snape was her dad! She doesn’t know who he is but Snape doesn’t seem like the paternal type. Oh, and he is completely confused, almost as much as she is although she isn’t the one who looks like they are about to die, and she doesn’t even see the irony in this. The number one candidate for her father is her potions teacher, and worse, her Head of House. This will be an interesting year, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

“Tyler, Sara!” McGonagall shouted, her voice cracking and still wholly perplexed by the whole situation. She started to analyze the circumstances mentally as Sara Tyler was being sorted. “Severus was an only child and wasn’t Lily Evans and him in a relationship during their 7th year…” the penny dropped. This was Lily and Severus’s daughter! Were they married or was it an accident. They surely couldn’t have been married, she and James got married so quickly! She was definitely going to be interrogating Severus tonight about all of this. Of course, there was always a chance that James is her father and she was just over-reacting to the shock of Lily Evan’s daughter being a Slytherin. Oh well, it would have to wait. She pushed it into the back of her head so that she could get on with the rest of the sorting ceremony.

"Tyler, Sara," McGonagall said, her voice cracking.

Sara walked up to the podium and placed the sorting hat on her head, a brick wall being created between her and the rest of the Great Hall.

“Well that was an interesting choice on your part!” Sara thought, a little annoyed with the hat, which of course, would sound completely insane to anyone outside of the Great Hall that night.

“Hey, don’t question my choices, there’s no going back for our little friend now. But of course, you knew that already, didn’t you?” the sorting hat whispered in her ear.

“Great, just don’t go blabbing all my secrets, especially that one, to anyone who will listen this year! Or next! Or I’ll use Elizabeth’s idea of ‘fiery personality’ and you’ll be gone before you can say ‘Salazar Slytherin’!”

“Fine, lets just get on with the sorting… let’s see, no Hufflepuff for you, and you could be in Ravenclaw if you wanted but I don’t think you would put that much effort in. Hmm, some Gryffindor qualities there as well but I believe you are a perfect choice for… SLYTHERIN!!

“Thank Gods for that one!” Sara whispered to herself as she took off the hat and headed to her new table to sit next to Simone who was now being comforted by Harold.

The last first year, “Wallace, John,” was also made a new Slytherin but no one really noticed. They were all staring at Simone with a look of bewilderment on their faces.

“Oh no Sara, why are they all staring at me? Is it really that bad?” Simone looked on the verge of tears so Sara gave her a hug and promised to explain everything to her once they got to the dorm tonight just before slipping into the other seat next to Simone.

Then, Dumbledore stood up, and started to speak. “Everyone, calm down please. I know that this year’s sorting has probably produced some… interesting results,” as he said this he looked over at Severus who looked like he was about to hyper-ventilate and then continued, “but we do have a feast to commence so, with that, let the feast, begin!” At that moment, all of the empty plates and bowls filled with just about everything you could imagine. Chicken, mashed potatoes, vegetables of all sorts, a dozen different types of fruit, beef cuts of all kinds, and just about everything else you expect to see at a feast.

Simone’s eyes got huge at the sight. It was amazing! Whoever said that good food couldn’t help make you feel better had apparently never eaten at Hogwarts. Oh, and it tasted wonderful too! Whoever cooked the food was amazing! Sara looked like she hadn’t expected this at all either and both of them forgot their troubles as they tucked into some comfort food.

But just across the hall, someone else was not being comforted by the food at all.

“Slytherin? What? But… they… Gryffindor… what the hell is going on?” Snape addressed Dumbledore with this. “Is this some sort of sick joke? You… knew…. GOD!” and at this Severus leaned his head against the table out of utter puzzlement.

“Severus, perhaps tonight, you can come to my office, around 10:30 or so, and I’ll try to explain to you what is going on but until then, perhaps Mildred here would be so kind as to take you to your office and get you some food and some calming potion,” he then looked at Madam Hooch, almost a pleading look in his eyes.

“Certainly Headmaster, come on Sev, can’t exactly carry you.” she said, standing up.

Severus was not short to follow. “Alright, but you had better explain all of this Albus!” and with that, he turned and headed to his dungeon office with Madam Hooch not far behind. They quickly slipped out of one of the side doors so that not as many students would see. As soon as they made it to the door though, they already had heard some of the gossip going around the Great Hall at the time.

“He can’t be a father! That’s crazy! Like anyone would shag him. Oh Merlin, I don’t even want to think about it…” and as this particular student started to look very ill, the surrounding students started to laugh. Another student added, “Yeah, I mean come on! Like anyone would see anything in him! It must be some niece or something!” and then everyone laughed.

As soon as they had gotten into the hallway, Severus lost it.

“I can’t be… this is… is it that bad?” he looked at Mildred, with tears welling up in his eyes. Only a handful of people did Severus feel comfortable enough around to share his real feelings with and two of those people just so happened to be dead. One of the other people happened to be Mildred Hooch.

“Oh Sev…” she said before she slumped to the floor next to him and gave him a hug. “Sev, it’s okay, Albus will help sort everything out and it will be fine. Come on, lets get to your office and get you some food and some calming potion.” With that, she started to get up and offered Severus a hand also. He took it gratefully and got up and started to head down to his office. Mildred had never seen him like this before, so depressed and vulnerable. It was scary to see this man who was always so rock solid loose it all. This would take some major explaining on his part, that was for sure.

After trudging down about 3 flights of stairs, they finally came to Snape’s office. Immediately, Madam Hooch called the house elves to send some food for two and she got some Calming Potion. After a while of silently eating, she finally said, “Okay, do you have any idea who she is?”

Severus shook his head, still perplexed at the whole situation.

“Well, you still know more than me. Yes, you do, don‘t argue. The only thing I know is that she is Lily Evan’s daughter and that her mum died on Halloween 1991. That’s it! Now please, tell me.” she said rather forcefully but, even though she was a former Hufflepuff, she knew what got Severus talking.

“All right, well, it all started back in our 7th year….”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Comfortable and well fed, Sara and Simone made their way to their new dorms. Amazingly, it wasn’t freezing cold in the dungeons like they thought it would be. But it still smelled like dungeons.

“That’s it, I’m going to ask my mum to buy me a dozen bottles of air freshener and get a humidifier, this is insane!” Sara protested as they made their way to the Slytherin girl’s dorms.

“I know, it’s going to ruin all my good robes!” complained Elizabeth who was right behind them.

“Well, too late to do anything today, here’s our room.” said Simone, forgetting the night’s troubles, opening the door, and flopping on the bed where all of her things were placed.

“Okay, Simone, make it quick. I want to know the story before Adrienne and Co. come here. I think they’re in the common room with some of their siblings and friends. Now, first off, who are your parents?” Sara said quickly and urgently, sitting down on the bed where her stuff was put.

“I… really don’t know. All I know is that on Halloween in 1991 I was trick-or-treating, it’s a muggle thing, with some neighbours who were friends with my parents. Alicia Barber and her daughter, who is a year younger than me, Rachel. I was four. We came back to my house and it was just a pile of rubble and the dark mark was hanging over it. Alicia grabbed me and Rachel and started running to her house. She put us in the living room and sent a message to someone that my parents were dead. Apparently, they died and my brother, who I really don’t remember having, survived. I was taken in by the Barber’s and I have no idea what happened to my brother. There, that’s the story. Don‘t ask me anything before that because I don‘t remember. Actually, I really don‘t remember that night, that is just the story Alicia told me when I asked.” Simone explained, trying not to cry.

“Oh my gosh. Halloween 1991? Brother that survived? Sara, you know what this means?!” Elizabeth shouted, no telling if she was excited or scared.

“Yeah, oh wow Simone, you didn’t tell us your little brother is Harry Potter!? How could you!? Wait, I didn’t know Lily and James Potter had a daughter?” said Sara, suddenly realizing something wrong.

“Neither did I, the papers never mentioned it. Maybe it was because she was with neighbours and not with her family!?” Elizabeth proclaimed, suddenly enlightened.

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on? Who is Harry Potter?” said Simone, utterly confused. Sara and Elizabeth suddenly stopped jumping up and down.

“What? Who is… Harry Potter? Sara, she asks who Harry Bloody Potter is?! I thought you said you were related?!?!” Elizabeth said clearly exasperated.

“I think we are at least, we must have been. But the Barber’s never talked about him, every time his name was mentioned, they just said it was a powerful wizard who defeated Voldemort.”

Elizabeth screeched at the mention of his name. “You… said…. His… name!!!”

“Who’s, Voldemort’s?” At this Elizabeth screamed at dove into her bed and put her head under her pillow.

“Simone, most people don’t say his name. That’s how bad he was. How can you not know all this? You were raised by a pureblood family!!” Sara asked with a wild look in her eyes. Simone just gave her a look that read “What is going on?” so Sara decided to explain. “You see, on that night, Voldemort came to the Potter’s house to kill them, no one knows why. So, he managed to kill Lily and James but when he turned to kill Harry, the spell backfired and killed Voldemort. The weirdest part is, Harry is the only person to ever survive the killing curse, ever. And, he was just 1 year old at the time. That’s why he’s famous, he killed Voldemort. He’s famous for something he can’t remember and the price is that his whole family is dead. Personally, I wouldn’t trade the world to be him. And the Barber’s seriously never told you this? What were they thinking?” Sara said now hugging Simone tightly and talking in a soft, caring voice.

“I… I… don’t know. I guess they didn’t want me to know.” she managed to get out painfully. Then she just started crying freely onto Sara’s shoulder. “How could they not tell me who I was? Who Harry Potter was? My brother?! Who my parents were!? That’s it! As soon as I can, I’m sending Alicia a howler!!” she had screamed the last word before crying again.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m sure they had a reason. They jus didn’t want you hurt. Shh, it’s okay Simone, we’ll figure all this out another time. Tomorrow is Sunday, so we don’t have class. Maybe we can ask someone.” Like Professor Snape, she added mentally while stroking Simone’s hair so that she could calm down a little.

“Yeah, I’ll help too, although I’m not very book smart. I’ll see if any of the teachers know about it!” added Elizabeth, who had now gotten over her fear of the name Voldemort and was sitting up on her bed, looking excited about the whole journalism thing.

“Oh, alright, I’m still just shaken and confused. I’m going to go to bed, goodnight everyone,” she said as Sara got up. Simone pulled the curtains shut and started to change into her pyjamas. After changing, she sat on her bed, holding her knees to her chest. She still didn’t know much about herself, except that the little brother who she heard was alive was named “Harry Potter” and that her parents were named Lily and James. But wait, that didn’t make sense! The sorting hat scroll had said her name was “Simone Snape-Potter” but Harry was just Potter. That didn’t make any sense at all. And why was everyone so afraid to say a dead wizard’s name. Well, apparently, Alicia hadn’t told her everything about the wizarding world and she still had a lot to learn. Better to just go to sleep now and think about it tomorrow with Sara and Elizabeth. At that, Simone lay her head down on her pillow and drifted into oblivion…

Others were not having the same peaceful night’s sleep that Simone was getting. Others like Severus Snape.

“Oh my… well that explains a lot.” said Madam Hooch after hearing Snape’s story.

“Yes, maybe, but still, I don’t get… how… ARGH!” he exclaimed, still not knowing what was going on. Then he hit his fist hard into the stone wall to get out all of his frustration.

“Well, it’s almost 10:30, maybe we should start heading to Professor Dumbledore’s office.” Mildred said, standing up.

“Yes, alright Millie. I hope he can shed some light on the situation…” Severus thought.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hello Severus, I was hoping you wouldn’t forget to come and now that you haven’t, we can talk about what happened tonight.” Albus greeted as a dishevelled and depressed looking Severus Snape came into his office, followed by Madam Hooch who was ready to catch him if he fell.

“I hope you don’t mind if Minerva is here also Severus, she really wanted to be here for you.” said a sombre Albus pointing over to McGonagall sitting primly on a sofa in the corner. As soon as Severus entered the room, she got up and came over to him and gave him a hug. “It’s alright Severus, hopefully with what we all know in here, we can figure out what’s going on.” she said with an encouraging voice.

“That actually may not be needed Minerva,” said Dumbledore, his blue eyes sparkling.

“What do you mean Albus?” said Severus even more confused by the minute.

Albus’s eyes just twinkled even more. “A letter came for you today, a letter that just so happens to be 7 years old and from a certain Lily Evans.”

“What? Lily… what could she have to say to me? She left me for James and got married end of story. Now she and her husband are dead and I am going to die alone, what else is there that needs to be explaining?” Severus said, with his eyes welling up quickly at the mention of Lily’s name.

“Well, that may not be completely true. I think you need to read the letter to understand.” said Dumbledore, his voice saying “I know something you don’t know!”

“Alright… lets see here,” Sev said as he started to open the letter cautiously. The lettering on the front was a dark green ink and was written in perfect cursive, Lily’s handwriting. It read on the front “To be delivered to Severus Snape on September 1st, 1998. If unable to deliver, please send to Albus Dumbledore.” Now that was confusing, why wouldn’t he be able to receive the letter? Severus started to open the letter gently, trying not to rip anything.

The letter read as follows:

“Dear Sevi,

If you are reading this then I am dead and you survived and we were never able to find each other before it was too late. Sevi, I love you! Do not ever question that! Now, to explaining what is happening and why a certain girl was sorted into Slytherin today with the name of Simone Snape-Potter. Please do not throw down this letter in frustration, remember, I love you and everything I did had a very valid reason which I will be sharing with you right now.”
“Bloody hell, Albus, Lily wasn’t a Seer was she?” asked Madam Hooch, who had been looking over Severus’s shoulder as he read aloud.

“No Millie, but she knew her daughter well enough to know what house she was likely to end up in. Severus, continue reading.”

“Now, if you have indeed survived, you must be feeling very hurt and very confused. So, let me start with the beginning.

As you know, we were married shortly after leaving Hogwarts…”
“YOU WERE MARRIED!?” this came from McGonagall this time, she started to blush, realizing she just shouted out.

“Please Minerva, let Severus finish.” said Albus quietly, “Go ahead Severus.”

“As you know, we were married shortly after leaving Hogwarts. This was the best day of my entire life hands-down. Then, very soon after we were married, you had a mission, a battle, you had to go to. Being a spy, we both knew how dangerous this was and of course I did not want to worry you anymore than you had to be. So, you left for battle while I stayed at home, the Order thought it would be best if I stayed home for that particular battle. Three days later and you had still not returned home. I had been worried before and now I was scared out of my bloody wits.

I decided to contact the Order. No one wanted to talk to me about it. Every time I asked, they ran away, saying they had something to do. I finally got in touch with James, who I knew was at the battle with you. He said that he and just about everyone else from the Order that was there, saw you lying on the ground. Dead.”
At this point, the ink got very smudgy and Severus had to hold it up to a light to read. A single tear traced his hooked nose a dropped to the floor. He looked at the letter, not knowing what to do. Lily had thought he was dead? Well that explained some things but really, what happened between her and James? He continued.

“Of course, I was a wreak. I was 18 years old and a widow. I was scared but for more reasons then one. The only person that knew that you and I were married was the Order, no one outside knew. So of course, it would look very suspicious if a single witch suddenly became pregnant.”
At this, Severus dropped the letter and sank into a chair. She had been pregnant? He was a father? He sat there, not knowing to laugh or to cry. He didn’t trust himself to do either and so he just sat there for a while, all eyes in the room on him.

“Oh Sev…” said Mildred as she sat down on the floor next to him and started to stroke his hair and held his hand. “Sev, would you like it if I read the rest of the letter for you, seeing as you don’t look like you can right now.” she offered. Severus nodded slowly and handed her the letter cautiously. Madam Hooch continued.

“As you can probably guess, that child is yours. You are a father. If I am indeed dead at the time of this reading, she is probably staying with either Petunia or with the Barbers. Possibly Caitlyn but I think that she would be given her on a last resort only seeing as she is an auror as well and unmarried.”
Severus tensed up at Caitlyn's name. They had been friends at Hogwarts and Caitlyn and Lily had been best friends, even though they were in defferent houses. Lily had a gift with that. He knew Caitlyn was still unmarried now and had a daughter a year younger than Simone but Severus hadn't seen either of them in many years. Madam Hooch continued.

“I was scared and lonely, if you were indeed dead, then I was a pregnant widow. If you were alive, which it seems you were, then we were unable to reach you. Then James came up with an idea. We would get married, a fake wedding of course in case you were still alive, so that we could pretend that child was his. Most people still saw us, for reasons unknown to me, as the “Golden Couple” so if we got married suddenly, it wouldn’t be that unexpected. I know you hate James, but he has grown up a lot, especially since we’ve been ‘married‘. So, we had a fake ceremony and then, 8 ½ months later, I had Simone. Everyone says that she looks just like me, only with raven black hair.

James took on the role of father quickly, most people figured that since he was so good with her, she had to be his. He really has been great with her, even though he knows as well as me that she is your child. But shortly after she was born, we had to go into hiding. The war was escalating at an alarming rate and we were both with the Order and at a very high risk.

So, now that you know who Simone really is let me explain the whole Harry thing.”
Then Madam Hooch stopped, she had seen the fire that was now lit in Severus’s eyes at the mention of Harry. Then she proceed with caution.

“We had been married for almost 3 years and we still couldn’t find out what happened to you. We figured you were dead. I know that if you are reading this, you are not and I am not mad at you and I only hope you aren't mad at me. You probably got wind of me and James getting married and was hurt that I was so quick to marry another. You were hurt beyond all means and if I could do anything to make it up to you, I would. You are the love of my life and I just want you to be happy…”
Madam Hooch stopped at this a quickly dabbed her eyes as most people in the room were. Even Albus had gotten out a blue silk handkerchief and was dabbing his eyes behind his half moon glasses. Minerva was blowing her nose on a crimson one herself and Severus just sat, smiling because he had just found out that Lily had always loved him and that he was a father and crying because he regretted that he had never tried to talk to Lily about it and now it was too late. He was shaking at the irony of it all and then Minerva came over and squeezed his shoulder before she pulled up a chair next to him. Mildred then continued.

“Well, after 3 years of being married, James and I like each other, note, we didn’t love each other, and well, we had Harry. Now I know you are probably about to rip this paper to shreds hearing this but remember, we thought you were dead and had been for 3 years. Please don’t be hurt, you are still the love of my life, bar none.

James and I were still not married, we never got officially married. We just planned to pretend to get a divorce after the war but then Harry came along so we couldn’t get divorced. But, if I am still alive and I find out that you get this letter, if not before, I am coming to find you. I can’t do it now though, the war is still going on. If we survive, James and I will ’divorce’ as soon as we find you, I love you too much to stay with James if you are alive and I know James won't try to stop me, he knows how much I love you and that no ocean, no fire, no wall will stop me from being with you.

Sevi, please, if you became a professor at Hogwarts (like I suggested), then you have already seen our daughter. If you don’t, I don’t see why Albus (if he is still the headmaster) wouldn’t let you meet her. Please, find her. I know that you always wanted a family but never had one because of the war. Find her, she needs a family as much as you do.

Sevi, I will love you until all time stops and beyond,

Lily Snape
“See Severus, I told you that the letter would explain everything.” Dumbledore said, before blowing his nose on the hanky.

“I’m… a father. I… I… have a daughter. Lily was always… in love with me.” Severus said with a smile on his face, trying to comprehend what he just heard. Now, everyone’s tears ran freely. If any of their students had seen them like this right now, none of these teachers would get any respect in their classrooms ever again.

“So Albus, when can I tell her. I know I can’t just go up to her and say ‘Guess what? I’m your dad!’ but I want to let her know at some point.” Severus said, trying to compose himself.

“All in good time, Severus,” Dumbledore replied, “She shall know who her parents are by the end of this year, rest assured, but I think we should give her some time to settle in here and give you a chance to get to see who she really is before we go and tell her who you are.”

Noticing the look on Severus’s face at this, he added, “But, like I said, she will know by the end of this school year and, if both of you want to, I will help you get her from the family she is staying with now. But only if both of you agree,” he said with that stupid twinkle in his eye.

“Alright then, with that settled,” Severus said, trying to make himself look slightly manly-er before sniffing, “I guess I will retreat to my quarters with this, thank you,” he said as he got the letter out of Mildred’s hands. “Thank you Albus, for telling me, giving me the letter, thank you.” he said kindly as he turned on his heel and left the room.

That was when Minerva really lost it.

“Albus! Oh, why can’t anything good ever happen to poor Severus! He found the love of his life and then he ‘dies’ and she actually does die and his daughter is left orphaned and yes, I realize that he is still alive and that he has a daughter, but if only he could have found out sooner, been there when she was born, seen her first steps, hear her first words… just everything a father should get to do!” Then she broke down into sobs while Madam Hooch came over and hugged her.

“It’s alright Minerva, he seems okay, even glad that he actually gets to be a father and gets to spend some of his time with his girl before it really is too late. I do think he regrets some things but having a daughter is not one of them.” she said as she comforted Minerva.

“I know but, it’s just not fair! He’s so young and all of this has happened to him! It shouldn’t be like this!” she said blowing her nose into her Gryffindor handkerchief.

“There, there Minerva, I think we all need a good nights sleep as we prepare for tomorrow. It is Sunday so you won’t have to worry about classes just yet. Get a good nights sleep, here is some sleeping potion if you want it.” Dumbledore said gently as he handed her a small vile.

“Thank you Albus, I think I will go to my own quarters now.” Minerva said with a smile as she got up and left the room herself.

“And with that, I am off. Thank you Albus.” said Madam Hooch as she got up off the couch and left the room.

“Your welcome, good night Mildred.” said Dumbledore kindly as he bowed his head.

Now alone in his office, save for his thoughts, Albus Dumbledore started to relive the night again. He strode over to the pensive kept in the cabinet behind his desk and pulled from his temple, a long, silvery blue strand and put it into the pensive.

“This was one night definitely worth remembering,” he muttered to himself before retreating to his quarters.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

That night though, Severus couldn’t sleep. He was so infuriated that he was so ignorant and self-centred that he never actually went up to Lily and confront her about all of this. Then maybe she would be alive and they could be a family. But if he had to settle, he was so fortunate that he actually had a daughter, that one last piece of Lily that he got to hold on to. He had to get to know her, find out more about her, find some way to tell her about all of this. He paced his room back and forth, trying to sort it all out in his head.

He picked up the letter again and touched the signature. It was written in the Slytherin green ink he had gotten her, similar to the Gryffindor red ink she had gotten him, to write notes to the other. He missed those times excruciatingly but made a resolution to make these times better for him, and for his new found daughter. He was going to give her the best life he could in the time that he had left. The rest of her childhood would be nothing like his childhood, no pain, no drunken father, no… nothing like his childhood.

And with that, Severus laid down and was finally able to fall asleep with dreams of a new life swirling around in his head.