Daughter of Loss

That night, Simone had the strangest dream. She was walking down a strange hallway into a dungeon. There, waiting for her, was a pretty woman with red hair and emerald eyes. She was smiling brightly at Simone but couldn’t come any closer to her. Behind her was a man with untidy hair and brown eyes hidden behind a pair of circular glasses. He was smiling as well, although his smile didn’t reach his ears as the woman‘s did. There was a boy standing next to him that looked as if he was just a miniature of the older only he had the same emerald eyes as the lady. She didn’t recognize any of them but from what she had learned earlier, decided that they must be Lily, James and Harry Potter. She smiled and waved at them and the woman waved back. Simone was suddenly pulled through the dungeons until there was another room. She felt compelled to it somehow. Walking inside, she saw what appeared to be a younger version of the woman she had seen earlier and… she couldn’t tell who he was, he was in the shadows. Her mother looked lovingly at the man Simone couldn’t see and wrapped her arms around him. A diamond ring sparkled on her finger, her ring finger on her left hand. That was odd, where was James? The man certainly wasn’t him, Simone could tell that much, but then who was he? Suddenly, she felt herself being pulled backwards, out of the room. A bright light came from the room she had just been in and suddenly, she woke up.

Simone bolted up in her bed, the sheets were clinging to her sweaty body. What was that all about? Who was that man? From what she could tell, it seemed as if Lily, if that was who it was, seemed to be married to him or something and she was most definitely in love with the man with no face. She hadn’t acted the same around James, they seemed connected but not as much as she and the mystery man were. Still puzzled, she walked to the bathroom, to wash off her face before going back to sleep. She hadn’t even noticed that Sara was still awake.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Come on Elizabeth, wake up! Summer’s over!” called Sara as she finished getting dressed for the day. She had on a pair of faded blue jeans and an indigo shirt on that said “Yo ho yo ho, a pirate’s life for me” on it in golden letters. She slipped on a pair of worn leather flip-flops and started to do her hair. Getting only complaints from Elizabeth, she decided to wake her up the hard way. Getting a running start from her bed, she sprinted to Elizabeth’s bed and catapulted herself on top of her.

“OWGAWDDAMMIT!! GEROFFME!!” Elizabeth yelled whilst slapping Sara repeatedly on her arm.

“Really Beth, you need to watch your language, there’s young children in the room!” she said, acting motherly and appalled, even though she thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Finally letting out the suppressed laugh, she only received a thrown hairbrush her way from Elizabeth which she dodged with ease.

“Oh come on Beth, remember we promised to help Simone today so get your lazy arse out of bed this instant or I shall call the Slytherin serpent on you!” she said, her voice reeking of sarcastic authority.

“Fine, I’m getting up. Where is Simone anyways?” she said, looking around the room for signs of human activity. All she saw were the even breathings of Adrienne and Trisha, nothing from Simone’s bed.

“Oh, she’s already up and is taking a shower. Now, hurry up!” she said, returning her friend’s hairbrush with an underhanded, softball toss.

At that moment, Simone walked in in a blue jean skirt, leather loafers, and a light pick sweater over an un-tucked, white button-up shirt. Her hair was back in a messy bun (although Sara was pretty sure she didn’t mean for it to be ’messy’) and she didn’t have on any make-up. All in all, she looked very cute, and quite preppy. Someone would have thought she had gone to a boarding school since she was much younger than 11. Sara smiled, “Sleep well Simone?” she asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to see what Simone would say.

“Um, I guess. I had a weird dream but that was it. I don’t think I can even remember it now.” she said, remembering the dream in perfect clarity. Sara could see right through her but decided to drop the subject seeing as Simone didn’t want to talk about it right now.

“So, Beth, you ready yet or do I need to call our serpentine friend?” Sara asked jokingly.

“Yes, I’m fine. We’re just going to breakfast right now anyways so it’s not that big of a deal if I don’t look completely fabulous. But at least let me do my make-up.” she said, getting out a small zip up purse from her trunk and running to the bathroom.

“Honestly, I have never known a girl our age to be so obsessed with her looks!” Sara said, throwing her hands up in the air and rolling her eyes.

Simone giggled and walked back to her bed to collect anything of hers that she might need today at the library. The plan was that right after breakfast, they could go to the library. If they couldn’t find anything about the Potters before lunch, then they would ask a teacher. For some reason, Sara kept saying “I would ask Professor Snape if I were you,” and Simone didn’t know what to make of if. Sure he was their Head of House but what would he know about her parents? She quickly made sure her locket was still around her neck and started to finger it. It felt warm to the touch and made her feel calm down a little. She hadn’t noticed how stressful this was becoming and it was just the first full day at Hogwarts!

She went to her trunk and pulled out a book her mother had given her with the instructions of “You need to read this when you’re a big girl and can understand it.” She had no idea what that meant but decided that she would look through it pretty soon, seeing as she was at school and was “big” enough now. She tucked it away in her school bag and threw the worn leather bag the Barber’s had given her over her shoulder. It had been her mother’s as well, with “Property of L.E.” stitched into the inside of the flap. She adjusted the weight on her shoulders and asked “So, are you two ready to go?” They nodded their heads and they were off to the great hall.

If Simone had butterflies in her stomach, then Severus Snape had pythons in his. He strode into the Great Hall and glanced at the Slytherin table. Only a handful of students were there, Simone not being one of them. He sighed and headed to the teacher’s table at the front of the Hall trying to ignore the stares he was getting from students. When he got to the table, he found that Minerva and Mildred had saved him a seat between them and he nodded his head in gratitude. He was trying his hardest not to show any emotions, seeing as they had seen enough of “The real Severus Snape” last night in Dumbledore’s office.

“How are you feeling Severus, did you get enough sleep last night?” whispered Madam Hooch concerned.

“Yes, after a while I was able to sleep. I feel alright, but I wish she would just walk in right now so that I can get this over with.” he said back in his usual nonchalant voice.

“Well, looks like you’re in luck Severus, here she comes now.” said McGonagall who had been apparently listening into the conversation.

Severus’s body tensed. He took two deep breaths before looking up. She was wearing a pale pink sweater with a button up shirt underneath and a blue jean skirt. She was laughing with some of her friends and Lily’s bag was swung over her shoulder. She looked so much like Lily at that moment that Severus was afraid that he was going to loose it again. Then, she looked up at the table to where he sat. She smiled Lily’s trademark smile and waved to him. If he had expected anything, it was not that. He returned her smile, something that anyone who was watching at the time would never forget, and waved back. She kept smiling that smile that used to melt Severus’s heart and turned back to her friends.

“She looks so much like Lily,” he whispered, reminiscing about a time long ago when he was at Hogwarts as well. A ghost of a smile lingered on his lips as he continued to stare at his beautiful daughter. His daughter, he never thought he would say that. He let a little chuckle slip. Madam Hooch patted him on the back and gave him a reassuring smile. He nodded and realized that if he kept staring at Simone, she would think he was a child molester or something which was just about that last thing he wanted her to think of him plus, some of the students were getting really creeped out at the sight of Professor Snape smiling and chuckling. He turned his attention to his breakfast before realizing just how hungry he was. He had barely eaten dinner last night due to anxiety and hadn’t eaten anything later on either. He tucked in not realizing that a pair of hunter green eyes were watching him almost as intently as he had been watching the emerald ones of Simone.

Sara was watching the potions master keenly. Yes, he was most definitely Simone’s father, no doubt about that. But she couldn’t tell Simone. They had just met yesterday and that would be like committing suicide. She was pretty sure that if she let this slip, she would be pushing daisies courtesy of Severus Snape before she could say “Potions.” Nope, this was something he needed to tell her. Turning back to her food and listening to the conversation Elizabeth and Simone were having about Quidditch teams and which one they supported and how they were the best, she forgot about Simone’s parental troubles for the moment.

That’s when the mail came.

Suddenly, hundreds of owls flooded the Great Hall, swooping down in all directions and doing aerial dives Sara was pretty sure she had never even seen airplanes and fighter jets do! Growing up in a muggle neighbourhood meant that her family only got an occasional letter by owl and even if she hadn’t, she was pretty sure she still would have been in awe of what was going on around her. Her suspicions were confirmed when she saw Elizabeth and Simone stop their conversation and look up. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes until the mail had all been delivered and they began to eat again. Suddenly, a letter dropped in front of all of them. Sara’s was green and had the Slytherin seal on it. She opened it and read it inwardly.

Dear Sara,

Congratulations on making Slytherin! Your mother and I are very proud of you! Just don’t give your brother and sister a hard time. Remember, you are better than any of those Death Eater kids and being a Slytherin doesn’t automatically make you one. Stay true to yourself, you would be boring if you didn’t, and we love you so much! Have fun this year and we expect you to write whenever you have time.

Love,
Your Daddy Dearest

Sara giggled, her father had never been the very serious sort and would say something about her being better than all the Death Eater kids.

“What’s so funny Sara?” asked Elizabeth.

“Here, read this,” Sara said, handing Elizabeth the note from her dad. She read it and was smiling until she got to one part. Her face lost it’s colour and she handed the note back to Sara who was utterly confused. “Beth, are you okay?” she asked cautiously.

“Me? Oh, yeah. I think I’m just tired or something. I think I’ll read my letter now.” she replied, forcing a smile.

Her letter read as follows:

My Dearest Elizabeth,

Thank every God there is that you made Slytherin! I can’t imagine what your father would have done if you hadn’t! Have fun this year and learn as much as you can.

Sincerely,
Mother

Elizabeth sighed, nothing less than the utmost in formality even when writing a letter to her daughter. It had always been like that between them. Oh, she didn’t doubt that her mother didn’t love her, she just didn’t know how to express it. Her father was worse. Suddenly, she got a mental picture of what would have happened if she was a Ravenclaw or worse, a Gryffindor. She shuddered at the thought.

“So ‘Mone-y, what does your letter say?” asked Sara, seeing Elizabeth’s discomfort and need for something to take her mind off of her own letter.

“Oh, I haven’t opened it yet,” she said, holding up the thick yellow envelope with a Ravenclaw crest on it. Sara snorted, did the Barber’s really think she would be in Ravenclaw? That would be even crazier if they knew who her real father was.

Simone sighed and started to tear the seal off so that she could get to the letter.

A million things raced through her mind. What would the Barber’s think of her now that she was a Slytherin? Would they be proud, ashamed, or even scared? She stopped and set the letter down gingerly, as if it was a howler or something. Knowing Alicia, that was the very last thing she wanted. She took a deep breath, counted to ten and picked up the letter. I mean really, they were in a different country right now, it couldn’t be that bad.

Dear Simone,

Congrats on making Slytherin! Your mum always said you would end up there, she and your father would be so proud of you! Just make sure to stay true to yourself and always do what you think is right, don’t give into pressure and don’t change yourself for someone else. You are smart and ambitious, you can do anything you want to in life. We are so proud of the young lady you’ve become and your parents would be so very proud of you right now.

Bundles of Love,
Aaron, Alicia, Rachel, and everyone else at the Barber house

Simone smiled, that note was from Aaron, Alicia wouldn’t show emotions like that so quickly and openly, even if it was what she felt. Well, it was good to know that they weren’t mad at her and they wouldn’t be avoiding her or something when she went home for the holidays. She let out the breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding out and looked around the Great Hall. It seemed that most people were getting their own letters from home after their parents found out what house they were in. She looked down the table to see the face she had been looking for.

Harold sat with his letter on his plate in front of him, his arms were folded and his jaw was set. Apparently, his parents didn’t take too well to the idea of their son being in the same house as a bunch of Death Eaters-to-be and didn’t feel bad to tell him so.

Simone got up and made her way over to where Harold was and sat down next to him.

“Hey, everything alright?” she asked

“No, my parents, who are aurors, think it’s the end of the world that I’m in Slytherin and said that I might as well be running around with Lord Moldyshorts since that’s what I’ll end up doing anyways.” he took in a deep breath and his eyes were lit with a fire of anger and resentment.

Simone wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a sideways hug.

“Oh Harold, I’m sorry about your parents. They’ll come around soon enough, they just don’t know how to react to this right now. If you want to stay here over Christmas, I’ll stay with you. If I don’t, I’ll be going back to the Barber’s and that doesn’t really appeal to me very much, I’ll just end up having to babysit the twins.” she said in a comforting voice as she hugged him.

He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a squeeze. “Thanks Simone, I really appreciate it.” They let go of each other and then he asked the question he had been meaning to ask her since last night. “Simone, has anyone been giving you any trouble about last night at all? Because if they have, then me and the other Beatles with take them out immediately.” he said.

“Oh, not yet, but I don’t think I’ve heard the end of it. Wait a minute, the Beatles?” she said, wondering what in the world that could mean.

“Oh, yeah. We have John Wallace, Paul McDaniel, and George Estes. Which leaves me as Ringo, which they have already started to call me.” he said, the other boys around him laughing.

Simone just rolled her eyes. “Really, sounds fascinating. Okay then Ringo, I think I’ll go back to my friends now. Have fun with the band or whatever.” she said, getting up and walking down the table to where she and her friends were sitting. After telling them about the Beatles thing that the boys were doing, Sara squirted milk out of her nose and Elizabeth just rolled her eyes and said “That sounds like Harold.”

After regaining her composure, Sara asked, “So, are you two done yet so we can go to the library?” she asked, pushing her plate back and grabbing the rest of her toast before getting up.

“Yeah, I’m done. The milk-out-of-the-nose thing kind of made me loose my appetite.” said Simone and Elizabeth nodded in agreement. The three girls got up from the table and started on their way to the library. Before leaving the Great Hall though, Sara turned back to the head table and gave a smile to Professor Snape before following her friends into the Entrance Hall.

“Well, well, Severus, someone seems to be popular with the first years.” said Professor Cullen, shaking his golden blonde hair away from his golden eyes. Everything about that man was golden!

“So it would seem Gregory.” Severus replied giving him his signature smirk.

“Touchy today, aren’t we? Well, not matter, I have to go to the library for some books about my first lesson tomorrow. Good day Severus!” he said, giving the potions master a salute before sauntering away. Severus had to roll his eyes. Ever since that man had come to Hogwarts to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, he had taken enormous pleasure in driving Severus to insanity and/or an early grave. Seeing as Severus had been the boy’s teacher just two years before, it wasn’t hard to see where he was coming from but really, did he have to constantly prove to Severus that everything about his life was better? Severus smirked again thinking about how much his life wasn’t as horrible as it was before. Severus suddenly had the very strong urge to stick his tongue out at the retreating professor but decided against it, seeing as he still had a reputation to uphold.

McGonagall, seeing exactly what Severus wanted to do, gave him a pat and said “Not today Sev, maybe some other time though.” Severus smirked at the thought and then replied, “Thank you Minerva, I think I will go retreat to my quarters now.” she nodded at him and continued to eat her breakfast. But, just a couple floors up, someone was on the brink of discovery.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“SIMONE LOOK!” screamed Elizabeth, suddenly clamping her hand on her mouth when Madam Pince turned around and gave her a dirty look before holding her finger up to her mouth and saying “Quiet in the library!” in a whispered scream.

Elizabeth mouthed “Sorry!” before running back to where the girls had set up camp.

“Look Simone!” she said very quietly so that she wouldn’t get yelled at again, “I found this book full of old ‘Daily Prophets.‘ It has a wedding announcement here, ‘Lily Evans and James Potter to be married September 20, 1986.’ Hey, there’s even a picture! Oh, you look just like her!” she said while handing Simone the big leather bound book. There it was, her mum and her dad. She looked down at them with a loving yet surprised look on her face. The picture was moving, of course, and as soon as the people saw Simone, they started to wave. It was just like her dream, Lily was in front of James and was also smiling wider than him. This was odd, was James not the sort of person to show his feelings? But the picture seemed odd for another reason. In all the other pictures, the man and woman where holding onto each other tightly and would sometimes look at each other and kiss. Lily was just sitting in front of James and he had a hand on her shoulder and she was holding his hand. That was it. This was getting stranger and stranger the more she found out more about her parents, or who she thought were her parents. Wasn’t it possible that her father wasn’t James, but someone else entirely. It was possible. She checked the date. 8 months before her birthday. So, that means that if James was her father, he and Lily probably got married only because she was pregnant. A sickening feeling crept into Simone’s stomach, she didn’t want to be that girl, that accident, the thing nobody wanted. She wanted her parents to be in love, not have her be the only reason they go together.

Simone set the book down, not wanting to see anymore.

“Simone, what’s wrong?” asked Sara who got up and went to sit next to Simone and put her arm around her shoulder.

“Look at the date, she was probably already pregnant with me. I don’t want to be the reason she and James got together, I wanted them to be in love!” she said, now on the verge of tears.

“Oh Mone-y, it’s okay. Even if they did get together because of you, which I’m not saying they did, they were still in love to stay together and have Harry weren’t they? Don’t worry about that, your mum really loved your dad and he really loved her as well.” In fact, he still loves her and misses her everyday. she added mentally. She knew what she was saying was true, even if she knew who her father was and Simone didn’t.

“Thanks Sara, it just got to me, I had never thought about that before.” she said wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “I think I’ll go look for some more stuff on my mum while she was in Hogwarts since I know for sure she’s my mum. Maybe I’ll get some clues about who my dad is while I’m at it.” she said, getting up and heading to the other end of the library.

After a minute or two in silence, Elizabeth looked over at Sara and said, “You know who her father is.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Sara sighed, “Yes, but I’m not saying anything. You’ll have to figure it out for yourself.” she retorted before flicking her hair out of her face and going back to looking through the book she had in front of her now.

“Fine, fine. But what are you looking at now?” she asked, not recognizing the burgundy book in front of Sara.

“This? Oh, it’s a Hogwarts yearbook, from 1985-1986. That was Lily’s last year at Hogwarts. I wanted to see if I could find any pictures in here for Simone…” but she stopped, looked up at Elizabeth, and closed the book. “We can’t let Simone see this. Not yet. It’s not time for her to know about him.” she said, her eyes off into space and looking very possessed.

“O…okay Sara. But what’s so bad that Simone can’t see it yet?” she asked, dropping her voice.

“It’s about her dad. And her mum. Together. One look at that picture and she’ll be able to guess right away who her father is which she can’t find out. Not yet. If she found out and if was my fault, I would be getting completely and utterly murdered in my sleep by her father. Let’s just say that I want to live to see 17.” she said, looking up into Elizabeth’s indigo eyes. The horror and fear in the hunter green ones that looked back at her made her believe the urgency right away and Elizabeth agreed to help guard the book with her life from Simone.

“Hi guys,” said Simone, getting two yelps from her other housemates and Sara quickly hiding the book with all the colour in her usually pink face gone. That was strange, what was going on? She just shrugged it off as being a deer caught in the headlights sort of thing. “Hey, I found an old yearbook from my mum’s 6th year at Hogwarts. I couldn’t find the one from her 7th year but oh well, this will do for now.” she said pleasantly before sitting down and flipping through the pages slowly.

“Hey Beth, I think I’m going to go look over near the yearbooks too, see if I can find anything.” Sara said, edging away so that Simone couldn’t see the book in her hands. Once she got a good distance, she broke into a run, trying to find some place good to hide the yearbook. Well, she was until she ran into the most dashing, young, and beautiful professor Hogwarts had seen in a millennia.

“Oh, he… hello Professor Cullen.” she said, taking in the perfect gold glow he radiated.

“Oh, hello Miss. Tyler. Not causing any trouble already I hope?” he asked, gifting her with his smile that was rumoured to bring puppies back to life.

Sara’s knees started to shake. “Hehe, no of course not Professor but I was wondering if I could ask you if you know where Professor Snape is right now, I need to talk to him about something urgently. She said in an almost pleading tone.

“Oh, well, if you can’t wait until lunch, I would say to try his office. He doesn’t go many other places, doesn’t have much of a social life.” he said, sighing at the sadness of it all. Sara sucked the corners of her mouth in so that her smile wouldn’t show. Sure, no social life at all, she thought.

“Oh, thanks professor,” she called back as she made her way to the door.

“Anytime my dear!” he said, waving to her.

Sara broke into a sprint down the hall to the dungeons but, because she was not looking out for where she was going, she ran right into the man she was looking for.

“Oh, Professor Snape, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you!” she exclaimed, brushing some dust off of his robes. She needed to make a good impression if she didn’t want him on her case all the time.

“Well, is that not abundantly obvious already, Miss. Tyler?” he smirked.

“Yes, but it’s good that I saw you here, you were just the person I was looking for,” Sara said, serious once again.

Snape just raised his eyebrows.

“In your office. Alone.” Sara added, trying to hint that it was important.

“Very well, follow me,” he said monotonously trying to think of what could be so important to a first year on the weekend before school started.

They silently trudged down the 3 floors to get to the ground level then had to take several spiralling staircases to get to the dungeons corridor that held the potions classroom and Professor Snape’s office. They both entered and Sara sat down in a chair in front of his desk. “You might want to cast a silencing charm on that door,” she informed Snape nonchalantly while waving to the door.

Snape did, seeing that this may be quite important if the girl wanted a silencing charm placed on the door.

“Okay, now to get to what I need to tell you or rather, show you,” she told him, placing the open yearbook in front of him.

“You see, I got to this before Simone did, so she won’t find it until she needs to since I don’t exactly want to be murdered in the worst way wizardly possible by you,” she smirked.

Snape was surprised to say the least.

“Thank you, I shall keep this in my office for the time being,” he replied shakily setting the leather bound book aside. “But before you go, please tell me one thing.” he asked, placing his hands on the desk in front of him.

“Go on,” Sara said, thinking that she knew what he was going to ask her.

“Who are your parents?”

Sara, a little startled, replied, “Mark Tyler and Mary Tyler nee Lee.”

Snape grinned. “Well, that explains a lot. I guess I will just have to keep an eye out for you, won’t I?”

Sara just smirked, “I’m one step ahead of you,” before bouncing away back to the library.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*