My New Addiction

The most beautiful girl in the world lay beside me, breathing slowly, her head on the pillow beside mine. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, kissing the nape of her neck. She was asleep, but I wasn't. I didn't want to wake her, but I couldn't sleep, so I just lay there, and stared at her, her just living, breathing, being.

It was late at night. Our bedroom was pitch black, but the sheets were warm, and my foot brushed against hers, and I could feel her, and everything was so perfect. I couldn't sleep at all.

But I couldn't sleep for a good reason.

I was remembering something.

A night, a special night that started this. The night that started everything.

I closed my eyes, breathed in the smell of her skin, and remembered.

--

The music was loud and obnoxious and I knew I didn't fit in here, but I was here regardless. People were yelling and laughing and the whole place smelled like booze and sweat, and I wanted desperately to leave, but I had come with a few friends, and I was the designated driver... so, it wouldn't exactly be fair to leave.

"Excuse me, pardon me..." I grumbled, pushing through the dancing people to get to the front door of the house to get outside, and finally breathe some air not contaminated by heat and gross sweat air. I sat down on the front steps, and sighed.

I hated this. I hated how my friends dragged me into these stupid high school parties where they danced with hot chicks and hooked up and douche bag guys started picking fights. I guess, at first it was sort of fun, but now, it was just... old. But they just said something like "Stephen, come on. Don't be a loser...", and I had to go. I would feel defeated if I didn't.

Maybe the parties would be more fun if I wasn't the only one of my friend's with a driver's license, therefor they always expected me to stay sober to drive them home. I wasn't the only sixteen year old of my friend's, and yet, I was still driving them home.

I looked around the front yard, seeing people standing everywhere with their cliche red plastic cups, drinking and acting like they were cooler than everyone's else... when I saw a group of girls.. I think it's just the normal teenage boy thing to do to examine them, which I did. I noticed a girl with dark brown hair, and big, worried brown eyes, and I stood up.

"Carly?!"

Carly was my best girl friend since elementary school. She never came to these parties. Ever.

Carly was gorgeous, brown hair, brown eyes, freckles, and a petite body. Her smile was perfect, and she was hilarious, and really fun to be around. We played video games and ate gross food together, but lately I'd been so caught up with my guy friends and these parties, I never saw her.

She glanced up when I called her name. The girl's surrounding her were from the "popular" crowd. Not that Carly wasn't in that crowd, but she more hung out with the guys, rather than the girls. I wasn't exactly in the popular crowd (at all), but she still hung out with me. "Oh. Hey, Stephen."

I got up, brushing my knees off and walked over to her. The girl's circling her fluttered away, with rather weird expressions. I could see by the way they're eyes were glazed over, and by the way they were tripping over their own feet, that they were already trashed. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "Just you know, hanging out. I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, yeah I know..." I ran my fingers through my hair. There was an awkward silence.

"Hey, Carly!" A blonde girl called. "We're heading out. This party is fucking shitty."

She walked over to them. "You can't drive like this! You're drunk!"

"I'm fine to drive." The blonde snapped.

"Not if you want to get arrested or you know, dead on the side of the road..." Carly muttered. I watched slouched over with hands in my pockets.

"Well if that's how you feel you can find your own way home." The blonde sniffed, and she walked off, the pack of girls following after her, leaving Carly standing there, looking helpless. I walked over to her.

"Hey, you need a ride?" I asked in a soft voice, she turned and looked at me.

"Yeah, that would be great." She sighed.

Suddenly, I didn't really care if I had to drive my friend's home, because this girl, she was much more important.

I guess I had feelings for Carly I would never fully admit to. She was one of my best friend's, and I didn't have the kind of image she did, so I would never be good enough for her. It was best to just keep my mouth shut. I walked over to the my old beater car, and opened the passenger door for her. She got in, smiling at me.

It was about midnight, probably past her curfew. He parents were pretty strict, which was another reason she didn't party. She also didn't drink, and would roll her eyes at her friends that did. That was why I was so surprised to see her there.

I turned the key in my car, and I saw her rest the back of her head on the seat, and sigh.

The car started, and I pulled onto the street. Her house was about a 20 minute drive from here. "You alright?"

"Guess so."

"What's wrong?" I asked, looking over at her. I sort of wanted to reach over and hold her hand to comfort her... but I was far too awkward.

"Nothin." She shrugged, and sighed. "Or, you know, everything."

I dropped my voice down an octave. "Tell me, Carly..."

"I hate my friends. I hate them." She looked out the window. "They're stuck up bitches, and they treat me like a fucking dog, and I hate them all."

"I didn't even know you were friends with those girls..."

"There's a lot you don't know."

I looked over at her, and frowned. "Carly, I'm so sorry I haven't been hanging out with you lately. I miss you. Sorry you had to hang out with those dip shits."

"It's okay Stephen, I understand."

I smiled. "That's good. So, what have you been up to?"

"School. The usual."

I drove around a corner. "I see. So, you never used to come to these things. Why did you tonight?"

She shivered uncomfortably. "Long story."

"I have time."

"I'll tell you later." She looked down at the floor of the car.

"Okay..." I said quietly, staring out the windshield. "So, how's life?"

"Life is okay, for the most part." She looked at me. Streetlights illuminating her features for only a moment. "My parents are crazy idiots and stuff, but I have a lot going for me."

I nodded, smiling. "Awesome!"

"What about you, Stephen? Are you still doing all your music stuff?"

"Yeah." We were almost at her house her house, but I didn't want to drop her off. "I dunno if it'll get me anywhere, though."

"Of course it will! You're so talented."

I shrugged. "Thanks I guess. I just don't know."

We got to her house, and I didn't even slow down. I drove right past it, and she didn't even blink.

We kept talking, and driving for about another half hour, catching up on life, laughing, joking... It was great. I missed talking to her.

Carly talked about her parents, friends, her lack of boyfriends, everything. She talked about her day, her week, her plans for the future, and I shared everything I had with her as well. Except, well, the fact that I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

I finally parked in the driveway, the sky and a dark blue fading into black. The only sounds were the passing cars from somewhere far away, and bugs flying around. Carly opened the door.

"Well, goodnight Carly. I'll see you soon?" I said, the car idling there.

"Wait, I gotta tell you something, Stephen."

I nodded, looking at her intently and curiously.

"I was there at that party for a reason..." She breathed in deeply, her hair falling into her eyes. "My friends said I guy I was into would be there."

My heart sunk.

"Oh? Well, was he?"

She smiled. "Yeah, he was."

I looked away, my head feeling heavy and my throat feeling sore. I really had feelings for the girl. Really, truly. "That's good for you." I said, swallowing down a sigh.

"Stephen..." She laughed, her warm, soft hand placing itself on top of mine. "The guy is you."

I looked up at her, wide eyed, mouth open, and I just looked at her in disbelief.

Carly had feelings for me. Not just new found ones, either. She had for a while maybe. Carly was interested in weird, little me. I couldn't believe it.

I think, then, she took my disbelief for rejection. She pulled her hand away from mine like it was on fire, and left the car in a rush, before I even had the chance to stop her. She wrapped her arms around herself, and ran into the house. I sat there, debating whether or not to run after her. I saw her Dad pull the curtain away from the window, and stare out at me, and decided not to. I put the car in reverse, and started heading home, my head swimming.

--

I couldn't sleep.

It felt like I'd been laying in bed there, tossing and turning and thinking about the smile of one of my best friend's... someone I'd never really except to "love" in any other way than just being buddies. I never expected her to want to be with me the same way I wanted to be with her.

I looked over at my alarm clock, 2:42 spelled out in red, square numbers.

I pulled the blanket off of me, picked my jeans up off the floor and struggled them on, grabbing a shirt, and quietly sneaking down the hallway, while sliding the shirt over my body. I grabbed my car keys off the table, and opened the door, closing it slowly so it wouldn't make a sound, and I headed to the car.

It was a stupid idea. A crazy idea. She would think I was fucking insane, but I knew I had to do it, or wouldn't sleep at all. Not only would I not sleep, I would regret not doing what I was about to do for the rest of my high school days.

I drove to Carly's house, parking a few houses down, and I ran to her house, jumping the fence. Her room was on the bottom floor towards the back. I could nearly see her window. I turned a corner on the green grass of her lawn, and came face to face with her sleeping image in the window.

She was beautiful. I knew that before, but I realized it fully at that moment, and I swear to god, that very moment was once of the moment's I really fell in love with her.

I rapped my knuckles lightly against the glass, and harder when she didn't wake up. I saw her eyes fall open, and she jumped up off the bed, wearing pajama shorts and a tank top. She opened the window.

"Stephen!? What are you doing here!?" She hissed under her breath. "My dad is gonna freak out!"

"He won't know." I said quietly. "Now c'mon, I gotta talk to you."

She looked around hesitantly, and then struggled through the window, with a bit of my help. We ran off to the car without another word. She got in, and sat down in the passenger's seat, while I started the car.

"What are we doing?!"

"I gotta talk to you."

"About...?"

I sped down the road, turning the car, trying to make my way to the park. "About tonight."

She just looked at me, annoyed with the fact I wasn't just outright saying what I had to say. I couldn't help being so god damn nervous, though.

"You know how you said that I was that guy you were into?" I asked, looking over at her. She nodded. "Well, I really, really like you too, Carly. Like, a lot."

She blinked at me. "Really?"

"Really."

Her eyebrows were raised in disbelief, and she looked confused. I looked in her eyes, waiting for her to say something, do something, anything.

And finally, she smiled.

I leaned over to her seat, and gingerly pressed my lips against hers for a moment, before pulling away so I didn't crash the car. My lips tingled from the impact.

I parked the car in the parking lot of the park, and leaned over, pressing my lips against hers again, wrapping my arms around her small waist as she tangled her fingers in my dark hair.

I was aware of the risk being taken with every time our lips touched. I knew I could lose a really really good friend if this ended badly. I knew how much trouble she'd get it in her Dad found out where she was, who she was with. I knew we were risking everything, and I didn't care. I kept kissing her.

The seat belt was digging into my chest and stomach, and it was uncomfortable as hell, so I got out of my seat and crawled over to the passenger's side, leaning against her without putting all my weight on her.

What happened next was strange, and beautiful, and memorable to say the least. The popping of buttons, and unzipping of jeans, the reaching in the glove box for the only souvenir you had left from health class, in hopes you would someday use it.

Teenage skin pressed against teenage skin. That awkward first time where neither of you know what you're doing, and you're so stupid and young and in love.

That, is the only way to describe it.

--

The sun was up, had been for about an hour, and we were still there, laying on the leaned back passenger's seat, our clothes forming a make-shift blanket over top of us. It was early. Her parents still might not find out if we got home soon.

But I didn't want to move.

She had somehow crawled on top of me, her head pressed right up into my chest, her hair spilling over my bare shoulder. She looked so beautiful as she slept.

I looked up at the sun, and closed my eyes, trying to relive every moment of the previous night from beneath my eyelids.

I felt Carly stir, and I opened my eyes looking down at her.

"Morning..." I whispered in a raspy voice.

"Morning." She yawned, and stretched. "How are you?"

I stroked her hair, and smiled. "I'm perfect, how are you?"

"Fantastic."

I chuckled lightly, and kissed the top of her head. "Should we head home?"

She sighed, and nodded. "Guess so."

We hastily got dressed, and I got over to the driver's side, and started driving us back. I had one hand on the steering wheel, and the other in her's. She was looked out the window, looking pleased, and lost in her own thoughts.

"Carly?"

"Yeah?"

"So... are you like... my girlfriend now?" I asked shyly, squeezing her hand.

"If you want me to be."

"I want you to be that and more." I mumbled. She giggled, and leaned in and kissed me quickly.

My head was light with all the possibilities of what was to come now that I had her as my girlfriend. I thought of all the places I could take her on dates, walking her to her locker in between classes, kissing her in the halls, introducing her to my parents as something other than my good friend... I was excited. I felt like my eyes were wide open, and I was seeing things from the perspective of... well, being "in love" or whatever. It felt... good.

I parked the same place I had the night previous by her house, and she got out of the car. I followed after her, snaking my arms around her waist, and kissing her lightly. "I'll see you soon, Carly."

"Bye." She kissed me again, quickly, and turned to walk towards her house, looking back for a moment, and waving. I waved back, and jammed my hands in my pockets, watching her disappear.

I stood there for a bit, thinking.

Thinking, hoping, praying, that this would all last.

--

Carly stirred, breathing out deep and slow. I kissed the top of her hand, and squeezed her right up close to me.

"Stephen...?" She whispered, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Shh...." I tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Go back to sleep."

I waited until her breathing evened out again, and relaxed, finally closing my eyes and letting sleep start to come.

We had been together since that night, years ago. Who would have thought, that teenage love would end up like this?

I fell in love with her in my passenger's seat, and I didn't figure anything would ever change.