Status: Finished
The Decision
The Beginning or The End
There she was.
The pink-coated pills smiling at her in her hands; her mouth slightly open. They would kill her, she knew. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was racing. She was wearing her favorite black dress, as she had planned. She would take the pills and lie on the bed, falling into a sleep she would hopefully never come out of. She was through with life, forever.
She knew there was no God. There was no happy oasis at the end of her agonizing journey. She would just die. Her heart would stop and the consciousness would be drained from her body and she would be gone. She would never have to make another decision; never have to face the taunts of the people surrounding her. She would never have to suffer another painful heartbreak. Felicity smiled at that thought. She looked down at the dress for the last time and squeezed the seven pink pills in her hand, preparing to thrust their poison into her.
At that last moment, Felicity remembered the day she received the black dress. Her arm stopped in midair.
Her mind took her to a happier place where people didn't matter to her. There were only happy thoughts and sad thoughts. No grey ground in between. It was hard to believe that this memory took place less than a year ago. She and Marci were at the mall. Felicity hated it there, but Marci made everything fun. They were sharing a cinnamon sugar-sprinkled soft pretzel and joking about the people that walked around them when they came to the dark store. Neither of their parents had let them even enter that store before.
"It's full of nobodies," their mothers would say. But today, the two girls were alone. They walked in with ease.
The dress was lacy and provocative. Something Felicity's mother would never let her purchase or even try on, had she been with them. Miraculously, the dress cost $40.00. Felicity was carrying $42.50 in her wallet. She and Marci labeled it as destiny that Felicity should come upon that dress, so she bought it.
Her mother never saw.
Felicity was ripped back into reality at that thought. That was her first act of deceit. She hid the dress, that skimpy symbol of age, from her mother.. She was so wrong. She had done so many bad things. Lying to her mother was only the first of thousands to come. Her mother would never find that dress... until she found her daughter, dead. Felicity brought the pills to her lips. The soft lips that would soon be cold with death. She soft lips that once kissed her best friend and lover would be dead soon.
She remembered that kiss vividly. It was still warm outside, only months ago. Felicity had already started the downward spiral that brought her here. The only thing that made her feel better, ever, was David. His smile always brought one to her lips. Everything he said was so delightfully carefree that it was impossible not to adore him. They met the summer of 6th grade at Camp Lori. Felicity learned that the cute boy David was moving to her school district and, being the giddy 6th grader that she was at the time, introduced herself as soon as she could. The two became instant friends. They still are. Were, Felicity would remind herself. The day of the kiss started off as any other. David asked Felicity if she wanted to hang out the pool. As usual, she said yes. They met at the pool and swam there for a few hours until something different happened.
"Hey," David asked with a smirk on his face. Felicity looked at him, suspecting some type of scheme. "let's go." he proposed.
She made a face at him, not understanding what he meant. "What?" she laughed.
David pointed out to the golf course surrounding the pool. "Let's explore." And they did. For hours, they wandered around the never-ending golf course, making jokes about their "riveting journey" until David started referring to Felicity as a princess and himself as a knight. Long story short, when the two found their destination, the blacktop parking lot, said knight asked his "smiling princess" for a kiss. Felicity was shocked, as she should have been. The two of them made piercing eye contact before their lips met in such a soft and innocent embrace that it made Felicity forget all of her troubles.
But she couldn't keep hiding in her faithful prince's mouth forever. Her troubles had to come back eventually. Felicity glanced down at the coated pills melting in her sweaty palms and took a deep breath. This had to happen. She knew it. She swallowed slowly, tasting the stale flavor of her breath. Why brush your teeth when you know you're going to die? She realized that she'd forgotten the flavor of her favorite sandwich. Peanut butter and banana, a classic. She'd been too down to make it recently.
Suddenly, she was so overwhelmed with desire for a sandwich, she had to laugh. There was no intense revelation, no drastic decision to live forever... She just wanted a sandwich. And the sheer craving for that sandwich changed her entire outlook. She could live, maybe. She could take it. If only for that black dress.. Her sweet prince... That sandwich.
And at that moment, she dropped the pills into the trash can by the bed, walked out of the room she had walked into for what seemed like the last time 15 minutes ago, and made herself a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
The pink-coated pills smiling at her in her hands; her mouth slightly open. They would kill her, she knew. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was racing. She was wearing her favorite black dress, as she had planned. She would take the pills and lie on the bed, falling into a sleep she would hopefully never come out of. She was through with life, forever.
She knew there was no God. There was no happy oasis at the end of her agonizing journey. She would just die. Her heart would stop and the consciousness would be drained from her body and she would be gone. She would never have to make another decision; never have to face the taunts of the people surrounding her. She would never have to suffer another painful heartbreak. Felicity smiled at that thought. She looked down at the dress for the last time and squeezed the seven pink pills in her hand, preparing to thrust their poison into her.
At that last moment, Felicity remembered the day she received the black dress. Her arm stopped in midair.
Her mind took her to a happier place where people didn't matter to her. There were only happy thoughts and sad thoughts. No grey ground in between. It was hard to believe that this memory took place less than a year ago. She and Marci were at the mall. Felicity hated it there, but Marci made everything fun. They were sharing a cinnamon sugar-sprinkled soft pretzel and joking about the people that walked around them when they came to the dark store. Neither of their parents had let them even enter that store before.
"It's full of nobodies," their mothers would say. But today, the two girls were alone. They walked in with ease.
The dress was lacy and provocative. Something Felicity's mother would never let her purchase or even try on, had she been with them. Miraculously, the dress cost $40.00. Felicity was carrying $42.50 in her wallet. She and Marci labeled it as destiny that Felicity should come upon that dress, so she bought it.
Her mother never saw.
Felicity was ripped back into reality at that thought. That was her first act of deceit. She hid the dress, that skimpy symbol of age, from her mother.. She was so wrong. She had done so many bad things. Lying to her mother was only the first of thousands to come. Her mother would never find that dress... until she found her daughter, dead. Felicity brought the pills to her lips. The soft lips that would soon be cold with death. She soft lips that once kissed her best friend and lover would be dead soon.
She remembered that kiss vividly. It was still warm outside, only months ago. Felicity had already started the downward spiral that brought her here. The only thing that made her feel better, ever, was David. His smile always brought one to her lips. Everything he said was so delightfully carefree that it was impossible not to adore him. They met the summer of 6th grade at Camp Lori. Felicity learned that the cute boy David was moving to her school district and, being the giddy 6th grader that she was at the time, introduced herself as soon as she could. The two became instant friends. They still are. Were, Felicity would remind herself. The day of the kiss started off as any other. David asked Felicity if she wanted to hang out the pool. As usual, she said yes. They met at the pool and swam there for a few hours until something different happened.
"Hey," David asked with a smirk on his face. Felicity looked at him, suspecting some type of scheme. "let's go." he proposed.
She made a face at him, not understanding what he meant. "What?" she laughed.
David pointed out to the golf course surrounding the pool. "Let's explore." And they did. For hours, they wandered around the never-ending golf course, making jokes about their "riveting journey" until David started referring to Felicity as a princess and himself as a knight. Long story short, when the two found their destination, the blacktop parking lot, said knight asked his "smiling princess" for a kiss. Felicity was shocked, as she should have been. The two of them made piercing eye contact before their lips met in such a soft and innocent embrace that it made Felicity forget all of her troubles.
But she couldn't keep hiding in her faithful prince's mouth forever. Her troubles had to come back eventually. Felicity glanced down at the coated pills melting in her sweaty palms and took a deep breath. This had to happen. She knew it. She swallowed slowly, tasting the stale flavor of her breath. Why brush your teeth when you know you're going to die? She realized that she'd forgotten the flavor of her favorite sandwich. Peanut butter and banana, a classic. She'd been too down to make it recently.
Suddenly, she was so overwhelmed with desire for a sandwich, she had to laugh. There was no intense revelation, no drastic decision to live forever... She just wanted a sandwich. And the sheer craving for that sandwich changed her entire outlook. She could live, maybe. She could take it. If only for that black dress.. Her sweet prince... That sandwich.
And at that moment, she dropped the pills into the trash can by the bed, walked out of the room she had walked into for what seemed like the last time 15 minutes ago, and made herself a peanut butter and banana sandwich.