Under A Paper Moon.

I sat quietly on the hospital bed. I couldn't take my eyes off the crappy linoleum floor. There was a feeling instilled in me where I felt completely numb and useless. Like a part of me was missing, I didn't know what to do. Jack sat beside me completely motionless, if you didn't look close enough you'd think he wasn't breathing. My mom was in the corner of the room with the same expression as Jack's parent's. Both confusion and surprise, I guess. 'Sorry, there was nothing we could do, he was too pre-mature to save. His lungs gave out with his heart.'

"W-we'll be outside." My mom gave a tight nod, her phone was in her hand, she stepped outside the room along with Joyce and Bassam.

There was a long silence then as I fumbled with my hospital gown. My throat felt sore and dry when I swallowed and my eyes were crisp.

"I'm so, so sorry." Jack let his face fall into his hands. I felt so awkward at that moment. I moved my arm up to rub Jack's back and I started to shake.

"It's not your fault, Jack."

"Yes it is," He rised slightly from his hands. His tone had an obvious etch to it and his brows raised slightly, "I could have caught you, for fuck sake."

I shook my head and kissed his cheek and sat back in the lumpy bed. The doctor's wanted me to stay in for further examination and observation. So, I have to stay here for a few days. What a wonderful start to the Christmas season, eh? I sighed rather loudly which caused Jack to look up at me.
With the remote beside my bed I turned on the television on the far wall. CSI was playing on the third station, not much choice since there were actually seven stations all together.

"I feel dead." I dead-panned staring at the screen. Jack rubbed my leg through the thin blanket. I kept biting the inside of my cheek, causing little marks to form in it where I kept running over them with my tongue which made them worse.

"I'm so-"

"Jack, there's no reason to be, what happened.. Happened for a reason. Fate." I ran my hand over my face, "God, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Rayne." I looked at him and his eyes softened. I smiled weakly at him, feeling tired all of a sudden. My head also started to hurt.
Jack moved up the bed and kissed the corner of my mouth. I smiled again and caught his face in my hands, bringing his lips to mine completely. When I pulled away he nudged his nose against mine. It was hard not to smile with him.

"Rayne?" I looked up, my mom stood awkwardly at the door.

"Yes, mum?"

"Your dad can't make it here sweetie," She fumbled with her hands. For some reason, I was really upset by this, and I felt like I wanted to crawl up and cry in the sheets. "He says he's sorry, and I'll be back tomorrow with Joyce. Goodnight, be safe." She walked in and grabbed her jacket, then moved towards me. She placed a kiss on my forehead and ran her hand along my cheek before officially leaving.

"Here." Jack whispered and kicked off his shoes, climbing into the crappy bed beside me. He wrapped his arms around me as I turned on my side. He slowly and shakily rubbed his fingers over my stomach. My tears pricked at the thought. My stomach seemed smaller since there was only one of them in there. One of the two that should be.

"I cannot believe no one noticed it earlier," Jack whispered into my ear. His breath tickled me and made the goosebumps on my arms and neck prickle, "They never knew, therefore we didn't."

"Well, at least they're not both gone, right?" I turned over slightly to look at him.

"Yep. But we'd never know what he'll.. Be like, you know? His personality, what he could have became an- hey, are you crying?" He sat up and I wiped my eyes with my fingers. I just nodded and started to sob. Like really sob, I brought my knees to my chest and I knew my nose and under my eyes were beet red.

"When did life get so fucking hard?" I breathed and ran my hand over my forehead.

"I don't know, love," He kissed my temple, "You just can't give up though."

I just nodded and suggested that we get some sleep. Jack just nodded even though I knew he wanted to protest and get everything out of me so I don't feel weighed down in the morning. But I just couldn't care less. I needed sleep. Calm before the storm.
I waited for about twenty minutes though, I had my head resting on Jack's chest. His breathing hitched and deepened and his soft snores began to kick in. I couldn't stop thinking about how I let this happen. I mean, I lost my own child. I caused a life to completely end because I was so fucking careless and stupid. I just killed someone, how could I do that? How could Jack even forgive me let alone stay here with me? I'm such a failure.

I looked up at Jack through the thin light that was still in the room. His features were so calm and peaceful. Every few minutes his eyebrow would twitch and it made me smile. His breathing rumbled under my chin and they were even but hoarse, it's like he almost slept with a smile on his face. He made everything better, awake or not.
I felt guilty though. I lost our kid. I couldn't take that back, once you're gone, you're gone. You're a shell, a memory. But a memory that remains.

But, I have to pull myself to reality and realise that I have another to baby to live for and love. The twin that survived.

"I don't get why life has so many difficulties." I whispered and layed my cheek back down on Jack's chest to try and sleep.