Stop Standing There

When Chris had said to my brother that we were dating, I was happily surprised. Yet, we hadn't talked about it. Was he really just saying that to keep my brother from asking questions or did he really mean it.

Our conversation in the parking lot wasn't positive, and it didn't seem like he wanted to try anymore. Then our date, I thought it might give us a chance to really talk. I think that's what he was hoping for but then the call from my brother, this dinner. It put things on hold.

We really needed to talk. But first, I needed to talk to Brian.

"I'll call you later okay?" I said giving Chris a quick hug, "Brian and I need to talk things out"

Chris nodded, but I still think he was unsure. I never really talked to him about my family. I gave him a reassuring glance and a small smile and saw him take a deep breath and smile back. When the door shut, I turned to Brian.

Max and Sarah were still in her room, I didn't want to picture what was going on.

"I'm sorry again" Brian said, turning from the shelf after looking over some recent pictures of Sarah and I.

"It's okay. You didn't know. I'm sure she'll be okay, for now"

He nodded and looked at the pictures again, "You really seem to be doing well Sky" he said.

I swallowed hard and took a breath, "I am. I really enjoy my job."

"Seems like it"

I knew he was dying to ask about Chris, I could see it in his face, "It's complicated" I said, "with Chris"

Hs eyes widened with intrigue and he sat down, inviting me to sit next to him. I instead, sat across from him, "I'm unsure. I haven't really told him who I was, and he hasn't made the connection"

"And?"

"I like him, but I don't know if he'll like me after I tell him. Or if he'll like me more....for the money"

Brian sighed, "He seems to be pretty fond of you, the short time he was here"

I nodded, "He is"

"I'm not an expert Sky, but talk to him. Tell him. You can't keep something like that from him and expect it to work"

I clenched my teeth and let out another nervous sigh, "Yah"

"What about you and I?" He asked, "Its been a while since we even talked"

He was right. The fact I was telling him this, of all people, was surprising. He seemed happy that I was letting him in. I never hated my brother, we just drifted. But I was bitter he never tried to contact me, I thought he might be turning into my dad, so I ignored it. There was nothing that we argued over, it was just timing, distance and our own lives conflicting.

"How about we meet for coffee?" I asked, "Have a proper conversation. I don't want it to be almost two years before we speak again"

The relief in his voice was comforting, and he agreed. We had an awkward hug, but he left with a smile and I felt good that we were finally reconnecting. But Sarah and her father, that was a whole other story.

--

Because Sarah and Max had not left her room since her dad left, I decided it might be a wise idea to go see Chris at his place.

He opened the door and ushered me in wearing the same clothes he had on at dinner. I was nervous and I tried not to let him see it. When I sat down, my hands shook and it wasn't long before he noticed, sat down next to me and grabbed them immediately.

"Everything okay?"

"Skylar White. My father and uncle are the White brothers. Sarah and I have a lot of money and we both have a lot of family issues. I don't want you disliking me for this and I don't want you liking me just because I have money. I mean, I know you have money--it's just happened a lot--I just--I can't be judged either way because of my last name."

I said it quickly and his eyes widened in surprise and his hands moved off of mine. I sighed, thinking he was upset and I shook my head, seeing his expression, "I knew it" I stood up, ready to leave but he grabbed my wrist and gently tugged me down to the couch.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked quietly.

I shrugged, "I was scared of my feelings for you. I was scared of what you would think"

"I already liked you before I knew anything, how would your name change anything?" He seemed disappointed, which broke my heart, but he was also curious. Unsure.

"I don't know" I shrugged again. I really didn't know.

There was a pause, like he was thinking of someone thing to say, and after a moment, he finally spoke "Your last name means nothing to me. I like you for the way you don't take shit from anyone, like when you stood up to me the first day we met. I thought that was incredibly sexy. God, I was attracted to you the moment you called me a jackass. I didn't even know your last name at that point. You let me chase you, you weren't clingy. You never forced anything out of me, you never forced me to talk about my feelings. Also, the fact I didn't know much about you made me want to know you that much more. You're frustrating and challenging and it drove me nuts but your blue eyes and your crooked smile were stuck in my mind. I saw it every time I closed my eyes. You're beautiful and you're someone I want to experience and I wish you could see that. I wish you could understand that you're last name could be Brown, Black, Green and you could be a princess or struggling to pay your rent every month and I would still find you beautiful and intriguing and extremely frustrating. I want you Skylar, not your money" his hand rested on my cheek for a minute, and I leaned into the warmth and closed my eyes, "God I want you so bad Skylar. Please understand that"

My heart beat faster and his hand lowered, and he kept eye contact but he withdrew physical contact, letting me decide what to do. I hated that, I wished he would just tell me what to do.

"I don't--what do I--" I stopped, I didn't know what to do. I was more scared than before. This was just making me fall for him more, "I don't know. I don't understand. All I know is that I crave being next to you. I feel empty when you're not around and I can't figure it out Chris. I don't even know if I want this"

"It seems like you do"

"You can't decide that for me" I stood up now, "But I wish--" I looked at him and his eyes fell and she was doing it again, pushing him away, "I'm just so confused Chris"

"About what?"

"You. What if this doesn't work?"

"But what if it does?"

I honestly never looked at that side of things. I always looked at the negative side.

"I want it to. Everything was perfect the other night with you, before Brian called. I wanted that, I've wanted that forever. I just never thought it was possible with my last name, the package deal of me and my family and the money. Did you mean it when you called me your girlfriend at dinner?"

I waited anxiously for his response, "Honestly, it was the first thing that came to mind, I won't lie. But you have to know that the moment it came out of my mouth, it felt right. It sounded right. I wanted it"

I nodded, "Good, cause I wanted it too. I was unsure, but I was so glad to hear that come out of your mouth"

"Really?"

"Can we do this?"

He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. It was soft, warm and I melted into him as I leaned against him, pushing him gently down on the couch. I felt his hand on my hip and then raise up my shirt, the warm on my bare skin. I inhaled a sharp breath, "Chris" our eyes locked for a minute, "Slowly" I saw his jaw clench and I sat up and ran a hand through my hair.

"That was unfair" he said.

"You kissed me"

"Yes, but I distinctly remember you pushing me down"

I smiled a little and nodded once, "I want this to work. Can we do this slowly?"

"So we can't make out?" I heard the humour and turned to catch his grin widen.

"I didn't say that, let's just--another date?"

He nodded, "I can do that"

"In the meantime" I gripped his shirt and pulled him closer, "We have some time, and I like kissing you"

He smiled and kissed me, and admitting how I felt made it real. Admitting how he felt made it real, and something about that kiss meant he was mine, and I was his.