Last Kiss

As Violet drove me back to my apartment that night, I was lost in a whirlwind of thoughts. Ordinarily, I would have been spilling every detail of the evening to my best friend, as girls are prone to do. I knew that she was curious as to my disappearance and why I had come back so late, and my lack of answers to her questions was clearly worrying her.

It wasn’t easy to explain what had happened, however, when I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. I needed time to get my thoughts together, time that Violet soon realized was necessary. She quickly ceased all efforts to communicate with me, and I appreciated the unusual silence.

There’s no doubt that Kris was my savoir of the evening. Without his help, I would have been stuck trying to pay for car damages that I couldn’t afford. In addition, he had given me a ride back to the Consol Energy Center. He had been nothing but genuinely nice, and I appreciated his kindness more than anything.

He was clearly in some sort of pain, and I wondered at his back story. Why couldn’t he depend on his friends? Why had his girlfriend left him for Max? I toyed with the idea of asking Violet what she knew, but I quickly dismissed the idea. Not only would it force me to explain what had happened, but it really wasn’t any of my business.

This night had been one of the worst of my life. It had even topped the night when I won meet and greet passes to my all time favorite singer, Taylor Swift, and couldn’t go because I was sick. I had cried about that night for months. I don’t think there will ever be a point in my life where I will get over the pain of being so close, yet so far. Tonight was potentially worse; Max was another one of my idols, and discovering that he was a womanizing jerk had completely crushed any ideals I held about him. To summarize my night, I had been used by a man, flirted with jail time, and spent my entire birthday alone as an emotional wreck.

There was nothing I wanted more than to go home, shower, and curl up in my bed. With only the sound of the heat vents resounding in my empty apartment, I would snuggle my head deep into my pillow and fall asleep. And in the morning, I would move on and forget about everything that had happened this evening.

If I had said yes to Kris, then forgetting would be nearly impossible.



For the briefest of moments, I had seen the sheer agony that blazed through his chocolate eyes. But he quickly shook his head, letting his subarashii kami cover his face. “Oh,” he said softly, and I could hear the surprise that was half-heartedly masked. “Okay then,” he added before pulling his arm back into his body and reluctantly grasping the steering wheel once again.

“Kris, I—“ I began, but before I could mutter out a lame apology, he interrupted me.

“No, it’s okay,” he said gently. “I understand.”

“Do you?” I said, unable to look at him. With nothing else for my eyes to focus on, I tried to redirect my attention to the parking garage surrounding us. It was actually really ordinary; empty water bottles littered the floor while oil stains splashed dramatically across the concrete. For such a new garage, I was surprised with the poor quality of the facility. It had, after all, only been built a few years prior with the completion of the CEC.

“I do,” I heard Kris sigh from behind me. “I shouldn’t have expected anything. Goodnight, Audrey.”

Turning around, I couldn’t help but bite my lip and gaze at him. “Goodnight Kris,” I finally said, unsure of what else to say. Hesitating for the briefest of moments, I quickly pushed open the passenger’s door and exited into the cool night air. A small gust of wind played with the bottom of my dress, and I quickly used my free hand to hold it down as I glanced back into the car one last time.

Kris’s eyes met mine, and my heart stopped for a moment.

There was such pain in his eyes that I simply wanted to sit back down in his car and let him drive me around for a few more hours. I wanted to ask him what was wrong and listen as he spilled the truth to me. I knew he would; his eyes said that much. He needed someone to talk to.

But I also wanted to be selfish. I wanted to go home, and I knew that if I talked to Kris, I would become more invested than I was willing to be. This wasn’t my problem, after all. I needed to ignore the anguish in his eyes and leave. Someone would listen to him and help him heal, but I was not that person.

“Goodnight, Kris,” I repeated at a whisper, utterly torn between staying and leaving. Before I could change my mind, I gently shut the door with a click and turned to Violet’s car. Luckily for me, the door had been left unlocked, and I gratefully slid into the vehicle, glad to be out of the wind.

As soon as I had shut the door to Violet’s car, Kris put his own vehicle into reverse and slowly pulled out of the garage. I tried to catch his eye before he left, but he refused to meet my gaze. Instead, he steadily kept his eyes on the pavement and faded out of view.


It took until Violet reached my apartment before my befuddled thoughts were coherent enough to explain what had happened. She listened silently as I explained about the event, Max and the adventure in the kitchen, Fleury’s party, Max’s car, and finally Kris. By the time I had finished, my eyes were dripping, and Violet wordlessly handed me a tissue.

With gratitude, I took it and dabbed at my eyes in an effort to keep my mascara from smearing. Unfortunately, I knew that my mascara was already way past salvation, and the tissue was inevitably blotched in black ink.

I expected Vi to console me. I expected her to rant about how Max was a jerkface. I half expected her to advise me to eat a gallon of ice cream and insist that she would go rent chick flicks. What I did not expect is what she actually did say.

“You’re an idiot!” she exclaimed, lightly hitting me on the arm. “Really, mon dieu! I’m getting his number for you, tomorrow.”

“What?!” I replied. “No. Violet, I told you, Max was a jerk! I don’t want his number.”

Vi looked at me as though I was a small child, and turned in her seat to face me. “Auds…I’m talking about Kris. Herpaderp!”

My face cycled from pink to white in a heartbeat. “Absolutely not. Violet, I don’t want his number,” I said, vehemently shaking my head.

Violet rolled her eyes a little. “Look, Audrey. I’m not going to tell you what to do here. All I’m saying is, ignoring the fact that you two so obviously clicked, he’s paying thousands of dollars to repair damage you caused. You owe him.”

Instead of answering her, I avoided thinking about how right she was. I looked down at my bare feet, having once again kicked off my annoying shoes.

There’s no denying that my feet are large, and my size eleven shoes are proof for those who argue. Shoe shopping is nearly impossible, as the cute shoes are never in my size, leaving me with the ugly rejects that nobody wants. Ordinarily, this isn’t a problem, as I tend to wear mostly tennis shoes, flip flops, and horse riding boots. However, when it came time to dress up for this evening, I realized that I had absolutely no matching shoes.

In a panic, I had called up my friend in the next apartment over, Amanda. She had offered me a pair of her own shoes, which I was horrified to find were a mere size eight. With no other options, and limited time, I had gratefully accepted and wedged my oversized feet into them.

Much like the rest of the evening, I soon discovered that I had made a terrible mistake.

Looking up at Violet, I reluctantly nodded. “Yeah, I do owe him,” I began slowly, “but I can’t really help him if I can’t even help myself, can I?” Without another word, I picked up the death traps for my feet, slipped barefoot out of the car, and walked to my building.

When I got upstairs, I quickly jumped into the shower, letting the scalding water burn away my memories of the night. I scrubbed at my face until I was certain the remains of the makeup had swirled down the drain. Thoroughly clean, I put on my favorite soft pajamas and climbed into my bed.

As my head hit the pillow, my eyes instantly shut in relief and exhaustion. The night had finally come to an end. The silence of my apartment met my ears, and I smiled a little at the solitude and reassurance that came with it.

I spent an hour before I fell asleep imagining various fantasies, letting my mind stray far away from hockey. I imagined myself riding in a horse race and winning the Kentucky Derby. I thought about what it would be like to finally graduate college and get a job. I pictured myself standing on a stage in front of thousands of people, belting out the words to my favorite songs.

But…despite my best efforts, the last image I saw before I fell asleep was of him.

The pain shining brilliantly in Kris’s eyes haunted my nightmares all night long.