Notbroken

Even though my new teammates ended up losing to the Flyers the night went off without a hitch. After the game I went down to the locker room and sat in my stall. I pulled off my jersey and threw it into a cubby and then began bending my new gloves while we waited for coach to come in.

“How’d we play?” Derek Roy asked as he sat down in his stall next to mine on the left.

“Ehhhhh,” I smiled back at him and put my gloves back on their hangers. He laughed before Patrick Kaleta took his seat on the other side of me and began prodding my Ugg covered toes with his stick. “Pat I will beat you up.”

Before he could say anything back coach came in and the room came to a dead silence. He scanned the room and began telling the team that this one loss wouldn’t ruin the season, we had to keep going.

I guess I should of checked the standings once or twice, or even watched a game during my hiatus. Lex would often go to games and tell me how disappointing the team was but I never paid attention to much more. To my understanding the Sabres weren’t out of the playoffs but teetering on the border line.

Coach left the room and the guys got underdressed while I went to the family room to see Lex, Danielle and everyone. The room cheered when I walked in and a few girlfriends introduced themselves before I made my way to my family. We shared a round of hugs and they all said how proud they were of me, my mom got teary eyed while my dad and brothers gave me approving smiles. Danielle and Lex looked on and also gave me hugs, then Lex whispered into my ear before I was about to bid them farewell to introduce her to the team. I laughed and squeezed her hand and gave good bye hugs to everyone, I’d see them later but I wanted to soak up everything that had happened in the past week by myself for a little while.

I walked along the empty hallways of HSBC arena, my teammates and the flyers had all left leaving me and the cold concrete walls. My Sabres jacket was what kept me warm as I walked out onto my bench, before I headed out onto the ice I looked around the arena. I couldn’t help but smile, after all the shit I’d been through last summer I had finally made it. As I stepped onto the ice in my Ugg boots the lights began shutting off one by one, Thankfully the emergency lights still lit up enough so that I could see what I was doing.

The locker room was still lit up when I walked in and I heard a noise, a shower. I went over to my stall and looked around the room, no ones stuff was still here so I figured someone must of just forgot to turn off the water. I peered around the corner but screeched in horror when I realized I was looking at Tyler Myers’s naked ass. I quickly shot my hands over my eyes and began apologizing for which he just laughed at. The water stopped and I heard Tyler grab a towel, probably to wrap around his waist, as I started back up before hitting the wall with my back.

“You can un-block your eyes now Shauna,” Tyler said as I felt him walked past me.

“I’m sorry I just thought no one was here and I came in and then I heard the water and…” I talked without a break before I realized Tyler wasn’t listening. I glanced down at my shoes and took a deep breath.

“Shauna, it’s fine really!” He said smirking, “Can you turn around for like 30 seconds so I can put my pants on?”

I nodded and headed into the bathroom to re-assemble my ponytail. 5 minutes later I was out and Tyler was in his suit sitting next to my stall. He tapped on mine, encouraging me to sit down, I obeyed, sat down and looked up at Tyler. Even sitting he was at least a foot taller than me.

“So you’re from around here right?” He asked as he grabbed a piece of gum from Kaleta’s stack in his stall.

“Yeah, Orchard Park. What about you?”

“Orchard Park? Shit, you live on the water huh? I was born in Texas but Calgary’s my home.” He smiled at me and I returned the look.

“Yeah good ole Lake Erie, oh wow… your far away from home aren’t you?” I asked with sincerity, It might have been because I was a girl and overly emotional but I would of hated leaving Buffalo, it was my home, I loved it here.

He chuckled before answering, “Yeah but it’s fine… So Mr. Pegula told us, before we met you, you played at Shattuck and Boston College? I mean I knew that already because I watched the draft and everything.”

“I did, I hated BC… Shattuck on the other hand,” I quickly glanced around the room, I missed Shattuck so much, “It was like family. I’d give anything to go back to those years…” I choked back tears, it really had been a long time since I talked to Jon and all my other dependable hockey friends.

“I figured, so you skipped senior year at SSM to go to BC where you hated it and then you got fucked over at the draft… I thought I had it bad here,” He laughed and leaned forward staring at the ground “Sophomore slump.”

“Idiot decision on my part…I’m sure you’ll pull through! You still got half a season, half a season for you to put this team on your back!” I punched his shoulder lightly and he smiled back, tapping my knee.

“Correction rookie, WE have half a season.” He got up and held out his hand to lift me up and I gracefully accepted it.

“Thanks, hell yeah! I mean I’ll be riding the bench but I’ll be the best cheerleader ever!”

His smile turned toward a frown and he stared right into my eyes, I was scared shitless to say the least.
“Shauna, coach said he’s watched you and you are easily a 2nd liner if not 1st. Your on this team so buckle up buttercup.” His frown faded into a smile and he pulled me into a brother-ly hug.

“Yeah whatever, I’ll see you tomorrow Ty-My, like that nickname?” I backed up and grabbed my jacket before giving him a thumbs up and thumbs down.

“Yes you will! I guess, rookie.” He smirked and opened the door out into the rink before saying bye. We went different ways to our cars because I parked in the fans parking lot like a loser.

Walking out into the cold buffalo air and snow I felt different. The smile on my face was genuine and everything had gone right for once, now all I had to do was prove myself. For the past 3 months, playing with the UB club team, I felt happy, satisfied. Sure I wouldn’t break a sweat there and still score 5+ goals a game but I was happy. Lex and the rest of my teammates had made me realize what had made Shattuck so special, the love. Everyone at Shattuck was family and that was the same with UB, we talked about everything together. The girls at UB were the only people I could ever talk to my family about and they understood. Lex stuck by whenever I’d go through a rough time, generally regretting my decision to ever leave SSM or join the NHL. She would say every time ‘Everything happens for a reason,’ but until that night I never understood what she meant.

It hit me as I opened the door to my car and sat down. The whole Pittsburgh ordeal was a sign, I was picked by the hockey gods to be Buffalo’s hero. Maybe I was thinking to hard about it but it all seemed to fit perfectly. I went to UB to meet Lex, Boston College to meet fans I could never let down, Shattuck…. Shattuck was in my life because I needed people that had my back, Jon. I shook my head, grabbed my phone and began searching through my contacts for anyone, Pat, Jon, Emerson, Q, Ryan, any hockey guys but no luck.

Tears began rolling down my cheeks, the boys that had always had my back I had cut out. Even if I could somehow get their numbers back I doubt they’d want to talk to me. I went back to my contacts and called Lex, she’d give me some sort of advice.
“Hey Lex.” I chocked out, I could hear a grown in the background and figured it was her boyfriend.

“Hey girl! What’s wrong?” Obviously I didn’t hide my feelings every well.

“I need your help, hockey problems, but if Sam’s there I can just ask you tomorrow, you don’t get to see him much.” It was true, Lex was a junior in college but was still dating her high school sweetheart. He was done with school, only because he was an aspiring rapper. He’d made a name for himself among kid our age around the northeast with his remix of ‘I love college,’ but had a recent with-drawl from the music industry. I felt bad every time Lex would speak of him, her eyes would get dark and her smile would fade, it was obvious she missed him.

“Ah yeah…unless it’s urgent… I’m here for you!”

I wiped my tears away and turn on the car, I’d make it through this by myself, I could do it. “No no, go back to Sam, oh and tell him I want to hear his new song tomorrow!”

I heard Sam laugh in the background and say ok before Lex said goodbye and hung up. Every time I saw or heard them together a pang of jealously would sweep through me. It wasn’t that I wanted Bobby back, oh hell no, I wanted the feeling he gave me back. The few months we were together I had someone to confide in, someone who seemed to never judge me. His smile would brighten my day, His voice automatically calmed me down but it was all a façade.

‘Just a Dream’ by Nelly began playing as soon as I turned on my car and began pulling out of the parking lot. I laughed at the song, realizing how ironic it was. Within 30 minutes I was back at my house, the lights were all off signaling everyone must have been asleep. “Great..” I whispered to myself as I leaped out of my car and entered the password onto the ice cold gate. The gate swung open as I hoped into the car and headed in. Inside the house it was quiet, everyone was in bed which figured because it was 12:03am. I grabbed a quick glass of grape juice and a bagel before heading up stairs and changing into shorts and a sport bra. As soon I got on my bed, I collapsed and feel into a heavy sleep.

It was noon by the time I woke up the next day, I probably could of slept longer but Lex had decided to stop over after dropping Sam off at the airport.

“SHAUNA BABYYYYY!” She yelled as she jumped onto me and my bed. I let out a growl and covered my face in blankets. “Wake-up, wake-up, we’re going shopping!”

I smiled and pushed her off the bed before zombie walking into my bathroom to get ready. Lex made her self at home, considering she must of walked right inside anyways, and began her daily Facebook creeping. Lex had quickly become another member of our family, my parents completely adored her , Jr and Dom picked on her like a brother would, and even our families had become close. Lex’s parents always came down to watch our games so we’d let them stay in our guest house.

2 o’clock came and we were out the door. I decided the best place to go without being noticed was the Niagara outlets and thankfully Lex agreed. We spent the next 5 hours shopping, spending a decent amount of time at the Reebok and Nike stores while completely ignoring Gucci and Prada. By the end of the trip I ended up with 12 new pairs of sports bras and spandex, 7 new Nike t-shirts and Lex got a bunch of shorts and matching shirts.

We got back to the house around 8 and Lex said her good byes, before heading home. Tomorrow would be my first NHL game ever so of course my night would need to be spent with my immediate family. Lex would obviously be at the game tomorrow with her parents.

I sat down for pasta dinner with the family but we talked nothing about that game. Instead the conversation was about Dom’s game Sunday vs. Junior. My dad would be honored before the game and the whole family was invited. I had no idea if I’d be able to make it but at least this conversation didn’t hurt my nerves, that is until my mother brought up Bobby.

“So Shauna darling?” She smiled at me as she twirled her fork through the pasta, “What’s up with you and the whole Bobby thing, do you play them?”

I blushed while taking a swig of water and replying, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

Junior and Dom took the queue to leave and headed up stairs before my dad got up and followed seconds later.

“Shauna I have a feeling Bobby had nothing to do with it, He was such a nice boy.” It seemed as though she was on his side which pissed me off.

“Mom HE ADMITED HE had SOMETHING to do with it!” I dug my fork into the pasta and ferociously ate it, “I have no desire to every see him again.”

“I just have a feeling about it, it’s a weird situation. You’re going to have to clear the air at some point.”

I kept my stoic expression as I leaned back in my chair, “When the time comes I might think about it.”

She shrugged and started to clean off the table when I headed upstairs to hit the hay. I was in bed by 9, tomorrow would be such an exciting day and Mr. Pegula had already said he wanted me there by noon to really get the feel of game day. I was completely fine with that and was barely lucky to get any sleep from nerves but I did.