Notbroken

***Bobby Ryan’s POV**
“Coach…” I knocked on the door and dropped down in the seat in front of coach.

“Can I help you Mr. Ryan?” He continued typing on his computer without looking at me.

“Yeah, Coach, I’m going to need a few days off.” I hadn’t been playing well in a week and I knew what the problem was. Her, Shauna. Everywhere I’d go her face was on TV, ESPN, TSN, the main news, everything. I had fallen for her whether I liked it or not and crushed her.

I can’t even blame it on the ‘hierarchy’ of the league, no from the minute I heard of her I didn’t want her in the league. Back then I thought no girl deserved to be in the league so I agreed to the Penguins plan. Build her up and tear her down, Make an example.

Then I met her. Everything changed, Everything got more complex. She was beautiful, different than any girl I had ever seen. It wasn’t just how perfect her body was or how her blue eyes sparkled whenever she talked, from the moment we met I could sense her inner strength. I knew it would be hard breaking her but I was too far in, I figured at least if I got really close to her, If she let me in there might be a way for her to forgive me after it all.

Her eyes turned a dark blue when we crushed her. It wasn’t an afraid look she gave off but one that was haunting, determined almost. Then her eyes changed again, not back to the crystal blue but to a piercing blue. I saw the tears forming and immediately starting saying sorry, I don’t know if I actually said them but inside everything was turning.

I only knew Shauna for a few months but she had dug a hole into my heart. The hole was still there but from that day to a few days ago I had covered it up. I would still come home to an empty house, feeling alone without her but I covered it with other girls, alcohol, and hockey. Everything was fine until I watched the NHL Network that day with Getzlaf, since then I’ve been plummeting down.

“I would say so…You’ve been playing like hell for the past week. Any explanation?”

I shook my head and took a deep sigh before spilling. He knew about the whole ordeal but never questioned me about it and I never talked about it. “I have to apologize.”

“Finally…I’ll see you Friday at the latest, and Bobby…” He questioned as I started to stand up.

“Yes coach?”

“You know she deserves this, Don’t do anything like that again.” I nodded and walked out, He was right and I knew it.

I was on my way, on the plane, to find her in less than 2 hours. I packed a change of clothes, toiletries and a notebook. Screwing up was something I was very good at so I figured my plane ride Buffalo was bound to be boring anyways, why not do a rough draft of my apology.

The notebook was immediately thrown out after I entered the Buffalo airport’s terminal. My words weren’t meaningful, they sounded rehearsed I decided. Shauna wasn’t a simple girl, a simple apology wouldn’t work. She sure as hell seemed simple from the outside but the minute she let me in I knew there were things hidden underneath that made her, her. A simple apology to Shauna just wouldn’t cut it, I’d have to do something drastic but not over the top, something to just make her smile.

The hotel manager recognized me, there was no doubt about it. She gave me a stern look and an even ruder attitude when I checked in. The picture of Shauna accepting the Sabre jersey with ‘Buffalo’s future’ etched underneath practically gave away why the attitude came forth.

She handed back my credit card and handed me a hotel key. I waited a few seconds for her to tell me how to get to my room but instead she turned on her heels and headed behind closed doors.

I only had a few hours to find her, only a few hours to try and get things right. I threw my bag into my room and quickly checked my reflection, as good as I am going to get.

Her address was saved on my phone still thankfully from the time I sent her tickets for the awards. My GPS blared as I drove through Buffalo and into Orchard Park. Shauna had told me many times of how nice OP was but this was better than mentioned. Her road was a private one laced with beautiful colonial mansions and pristine green grasses.

There it was. The biggest of them all, hid behind a gate covered in vines.

***Shauna’s POV**

We got back into Buffalo around 2am after our horrible game. In no way, shape or form was I able to drive home. For one I was seeing double, Late nights always made my eyes function weird, Also I had fallen asleep on the plane and could barely walk off without feeling like I was still asleep. Thank you Kaleta, I thought as he offered to bring me home seeing my current state.

I had fallen asleep after I plugged my address into the GPS but was startled awake when Pat placed a hand on my thigh.

“Shauna,” He whispered, “What’s the password for your gate?” I opened an eye and answered him with the password before yet again falling asleep.

I slept till 12, something I never normally did but that game had drained me. After I feel asleep in the car Pat had carried me up into my room and tucked me in before leaving or so spying Dom had said.

“Wake up time sweets,” my mother said as she pecked open my door, letting a ray of light inside my room, right on my eye sight. I mumbled ‘good morning’ as I rose up and stretched. She smiled and told me that my breakfast was ready and the family would be coming to the game tonight.

Immediately after breakfast I called over Lex and Danielle for a girl’s lunch date. Every month since meeting Lex, Danielle and I had decided that we should have lunch in Niagara Falls. Our normal lunch conversations were always about fashion and TV shows, mainly The Hills, Even though the show was off air we were still obsessed with it. Our lunch dates always consisted of us wearing jeans and t-shirts but I had a funny feeling about that day and decided on a white long sleeve polo and a cheetah print mini skirt.

“Girl you look hot!” Lex said as I took a seat next to her and Danielle in our booth at the restaurant. I shook my head and ordered pineapple juice as the waiter stared at me.

“So why the dress up?” Danielle asked with a crooked eyebrow.

“I don’t know I just had a feeling something was going to happen.”

“Well god damn I’d date yah! Hell I’d throw a ring on you right now!” Lex said as she clapped her hands and nudged me.

I laughed and took a sip of my drink the waiter had set down. Pineapple juice was always my favorite drink and everyone at our restaurant knew it.

“Alright so Shauna I’ve been thinking, you need to go on a date soon. The last time was with…” Danielle paused before mentioning his name, “Bobby.”

Lex exchanged a worried look with me but I smiled back, He wouldn’t get the best of me.

“I have no time! Maybe in the off-season, and no hockey guys are automatically out.”

They nodded as the waiter set down our wings and we chowed down. Nothing is better than Buffalo wings, That’s one reason I loved Buffalo, our wings.

We went back to small talking again, not about The Hills this time but about what athletes were the hottest. Danielle obliviously went with football players while Lex stuck with lacrosse players. I had no idea who to chose when all of a sudden Lex and Danielle turned white. They immediately looked down at their drinks but peered out behind me towards the door. I turned around to see him, staring at me, not smiling, not frowning but with a look of worry.

***Bobby Ryan’s POV**

The gate was opened as I pressed the button but I pulled into a vacant driveway. No one was home. Shit. Why me god, why me? I thought as I slammed my hands on the steering wheel. I would have to wait to use plan B so I decided on catching some grub in Niagara Falls.

Of all the places she could be, of all the restaurants in Buffalo, of all the times to go out, why.

I didn’t even notice she was there until one of the other girls looked right at me. She was as stunning as the 1st day I met her, maybe even a bit more. It wasn’t calming seeing her though, I could feel a shift of cold come in as I stared at the back of her. God hates me; I thought as I waited for her to turn around or for my waitress to come bring me to a table.

My plan B was to venture into HSBC Arena after the game tonight. Hopefully they’d win and she’d be in a good mood. I imagined getting one of the Sabres to bring her outside the locker room, then I’d pull her into me and she’d forget everything. That was my dream though and there was no way that’d ever happen.

We locked eyes… Hers weren’t the same blue, a sharper one, one that sent shivers down my spine. Her lips frowned for a minute before a knavish smile spread across them. She turned back to her friends and excused herself as she walked towards me, staring me down the whole time. My hands starting clamping and my knees buckled, no girl had every done this to me and every step she took closer killed me even more.

“Outside.” She said as she brushed passed me into the Niagara streets. I followed her like a lost puppy with my head down and low shoulders, I ruined everything.

“Can I just…” She cut in before I could say anything else.

“Don’t even…. I don’t know why you’re here. I don’t know why you’re near me. I really don’t care either way I just want you gone. Go.” She pointed off in the distance without making any eye contact.

“No. Not until I say my piece.”

“I don’t think so, I’ll say what I want first. First off you ruined my career for a while, you lied to me, you played me, YOU are an asshole. Because of you I was a laughing stock, Because of you I was bashed on and all the fans I had now hate me.”

One single tear drop rolled down her cheek, never once did I ever think I would make a girl cry. This wasn’t any girl though, this was Shauna. Shauna meant everything to me and I killed it.

“My turn, look at me.” I lowered my head so that I could see into her eyes, “Please?” I whispered so only her ears could hear. She glanced up with the same icy look but it was better than nothing. “Honestly Shauna I know what I did. It was wrong and I was selfish, only thinking of me. I thought when I first met you, you’d mean nothing, I thought someone that looked like you really was just in the league to get guys. I was wrong, the moment we started talking I KNEW I was wrong. You weren’t that girl, you were and still are perfect.” She cringed and unfolded her arms from her chest showing off a small amount of cleavage.

“Shauna, I thought I was too far in. I wasn’t though, I should of stopped myself…Shauna I really don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry.” I could feel my throat clogging up, She made me so nervous.

“Why Bobby? Why,” She asked as another tear fell.

“I don’t know, “ I said shaking my head, “Shauna… I haven’t been able to sleep in weeks, I feel like shit everyday, I can’t focus, It hurts to do anything.”

I paused for a moment and grabbed her hand gingerly, allowing her room to pull it away in which she didn’t. “You mean so much more to me than you know, those months we spent together were the best I had since I could remember.”

She shook her head and pulled her hand away. A frown replaced her icy look and she turned her whole body towards me. “I can’t Bobby, not now, maybe later on but now I can’t.”

With that she walked away, back into the restaurant, away from me. There was nothing I could do, I deserved it. I ruined her, it was that simple and now she ruined me.

***Shauna’s POV**
“Okay Shauna we’re going home, no need to spill the beans now, later.” Danielle said before I could sit down in the booth.

We paid the bill and I drove back to Buffalo alone. I wanted to frown but I couldn’t, He deserved it. I don’t even know why I cried, probably just those girly emotions, He didn’t mean anything to me.

As I entered the house I repeated ‘I win’ in my head. I had finished on top for once and damn was I happy. This happiness was sure to carry over at least till All-Star Weekend when I’d have to see him or his teammates, but at least that was a while away and I’d have Kaner and Jon with me.