Through the Hard Times

Kelsey and I were up seven times with Alexa. Kelsey and I were sitting up in bed while Kelsey held Alexa.
“Mikal, Jordan was never up this much. Why do you think Alexa is?”
“I don’t know. She is fine when she’s with us. Maybe we should move her in here for a couple weeks. If we can get her sleeping through the night and then once she’s asleep move her into her own room.”
“Okay, if I can get more sleep than this. I’ll try anything.” She looked over at the alarm clock. “What do we do about tonight though?”
“I’ll take her to the nursery and I’ll sleep in there with her. Turn off the baby monitor and get some sleep. I’ll use a bottle from the fridge if she gets hungry.”
“Okay, thank you,” she handed Alexa to me and I kissed Kelsey’s forehead. I stood up and walked down the hall into the nursery. I lay Alexa in her crib and sat down in the rocking chair. Ii was asleep in minutes.

Alexa woke up screaming at six. I carried her downstairs and warmed up a bottle from the fridge. Once it was ready I gave it to her and she finished it quickly.
“You really like taking bottles don’t you, Baby Girl?” I kissed her forehead and switched her up to my shoulder and started burping her. Knowing that parents would be coming between seven and seven-thirty, I set Alexa down in one of the high chairs and made sure she’d be okay. I started on waffles and bacon. Tera came downstairs and helped me finish breakfast. She watched Alexa while I went to wake up Kelsey.
“Hey, Kelsey, you need to wake up, Sweetie.” She rolled over and I wrapped my arms around her. “Kelsey, you need to wake up. The kids will be here soon. Tera and I made breakfast, too.”
“Mikal, let me sleep.”
“Sorry, Babe, your daughter would like to see you. She misses you.” I kissed her neck.
“You mean she misses my boobs.” She grumbled.
“No, she already ate. She wants to see her Mommy.”
“Hmf,”
“What’s wrong, Kelse?”
“All Alexa needs me for is food. I don’t think I want to do it anymore.”
“Kelsey, you don’t mean that. You love Alexa. You are not just Alexa’s food you are her mother and she loves you.” I kissed her hair. “Kelsey, you’re tired. Stay up here and sleep. The two times I’ve given Alexa a bottle she’s taken it with no problem. How do you feel about pumping milk for a couple more weeks? After that we switch her to formula.”
“I don’t know, Mikal.”
“You didn’t mind raising Jordan. What happened?”
“I don’t know, I’m just not sure I want to do this anymore.” She started crying.
“Kelsey,” I hugged her close to me.
“No, Mikal,” She unwound my arms from around her and got out of bed. “I’m going to stay with my parents for a while.” I stared at her as she dressed and packed a bag.
“Kelsey, don’t go, please,” I begged her.
“I’m sorry, Mikal, but I need to go. I’ll let you know in a few days if I’m coming back.” She walked out and I jumped off the bed and followed her.
“Kelsey, wait, please,” tears filled my eyes. She opened the front door and turned to look at me.
“I’m sorry Mikal,” She walked out and drove away in the van. I sat on the floor and let the tears fall. Tera walked out of the kitchen and over to me.
“Mikal, what happened?”
“She left, Kelsey left because she doesn’t want to be a mother.” Tera gasped a stood there until the doorbell rang. She let in the other mothers and their kids and closed the door.
“Mikal, go upstairs. I’ll watch Alexa. Get cleaned up and come eat.” I nodded and went upstairs. I hopped in the shower and stayed in there for a while.
Once I got out I went downstairs and went to find Alexa. I found her asleep in the toy room. All four cribs were filled and there were three other infants on the floor playing. Tera or one of the other mothers kept them separated from the older kids. I saw Ella, Amara, and Jordan playing together.
“Hey, guys, why aren’t you playing with the other kids?” Amara crawled over to me before standing up and wrapping her arms around my neck. I hugged her and finally sat down.
“My head hurts, Daddy,” She whimpered.
“I know, Honey,” I kissed her forehead and looked at the other two. “Why aren’t you playing with the other kids?”
“They won’t share with us, Daddy. Do we have to stay here, Daddy?” Jordan asked.
“Yes, Buddy, you do have to stay here.”
“Daddy, I want Mommy,”
“Mommy, went to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a while.” I swallowed hard to keep the tears back. “Come on you guys, let’s go upstairs. You all need baths.” They stood up and ran upstairs. I stood with Amara and carried her to the bathroom. I got out the children’s Tylonal and gave it to her. “That will help you feel better.”
“Thank you, Daddy,” she lay her head on my shoulder. Ella and Jordan came in and I looked at all three of them.
“Who’s going first?” I smiled when Jordan raised his hand. “Okay, girls, go and play in your rooms while I give Jordan his bath and then I’ll come get you guys when it’s your turn.”
“Okay, Daddy,” I set Amara on the floor and she walked out with Ella. Half an hour later I got Ella and gave her a bath. Another half an hour later I gave Amara a bath, too. Once I got them back downstairs I ended up helping the rest of the day.

I helped the rest of the week. I loved spending time with my kids. Kelsey didn’t call until Saturday when Tera and I took all six of the kids and met at his parents’ house. Tera and I lay the kids down at six and then checked the answering machine.
“Hey, Mikal, it’s Kelsey. I’ve made my decision. I’m not going to come back. I filed for a divorce and I’ll come by to pick up my things.” I sighed and just let the tears fall.