Summer's Never Looked The Same

My grounding is still intact, my relationship with Bam is deteriorated, and I feel alone. Bam avoids me at all costs. But I haven't even made an effort to reconcile with him. I'm trying not to explode into nothing.

The doorbell rings and I beat my dad to it. Brooke and Erin stand on my doorstep. Erin has a smirk on her face and Brooke looks a little worried.

"Hey, you busy?" Erin asks, crossing her arms.

"No...? Why?"

Erin pulls me outside, shutting the door once I'm standing on the porch with them.

"There's a party tonight. We want you to go with us." She explains, growing more and more excited by the second.

"But you don't have to. We don't want to get you in trouble." Brooke adds quickly after Erin.

"I... I don't know. I'd have to sneak out." I tell her, getting nervous by the thought of getting caught by my dad.

"No problem. Leave an hour after he falls asleep. When does he usually go to bed?" Erin asks quickly, obviously set on me going with them.

"I think 10:30. Erin, I don't think it's a good idea."

"It's okay. Text me when he falls asleep and I'll be here in an hour at the end of the road waiting for you. See you tonight."

As Erin walks off the porch, Brooke turns to me. "You don't have to go, you know. You'll get in a lot of trouble and I don't want that to happen to you."

"I guess it's fine. We'll just see how it plays out. Later." I go back inside and shut the door, even though Brooke is still standing there.

~2 Hours Later~

Once our lights go out, I start getting worried. Sneaking out is the last thing I should do. It's bad enough I betrayed my dad's trust by lying to him and skipping school everyday. But for some reason, I still send the text to Erin after my dad says "goodnight."

So now I'm sitting here on my bed, wrapped in a blanket of worry and wearing casual clothes to hide my body. God, I'm pathetic.

I see a car stop at the end of my road and my phone vibrates. I check it to find a text from Erin that says, "I'm here."

I know this is the worst idea I could ever possibly have at this time. But even knowing this doesn't stop me from climbing out my window and down the tree that stays planted behind my house. My legs shake and I don't think I can make it the rest of the way down the road, but I manage to find the car handle and pull it towards me, pulling the door back and climbing inside. Erin gives me a smile before putting the car in drive and driving in the direction of the party.

It's a long drive. But we make it to the house located in the middle of no where. When I see the location of the party, it feels like my face is vibrating. The house and front porch are flooded with adults dancing, drinking, and laughing. I feel disgusted.

"Did I mention there are going to be stunts performed?" Hearing Erin say this makes me whip my head around to her.

"Really?"

"Yeah! Apparently, there's going to be dirtbikes, fire, high jumps, motorcycles--" As she lists off more vehicles and harmful sounding stunts, I stare out the window watching everybody moving around the three story house. I swear that it reminds me of the house from 'Practical Magic.'

"So come on, bitches. Lets go!" Erin yells as she opens her door and gets out. I don't notice until now that I feel sick to my stomach. Brooke and I don't move, and an impatient Erin taps on the window. "Hurry up!"

Brooke and I get out of the car and follow Erin to the house where a drink is immediately in her hand before we even get to the door. I don't plan on swallowing any liquid here. Brooke doesn't say anything, but I know she has that planned too. We stand there awkwardly for a couple minutes until a guy who is obviously shit-faced whisks Brooke away from me. Now I'm alone. Again.

I hear loud cheering and I follow the sounds of engines revving and people cheering. Outside are chairs lined up against the back porch of the house. Some are on the balconies above us, but most of the people stay on the ground. Three guys in suits are on their dirtbikes and positioned to jump a high ramp. The stunts start. Seeing as I've grown up with Jackass around me, I'm not impressed. Bored with all the jumping and beginner tricks, I get up and walk through the woods, feeling the familiar pain hitting me again. I look up to see a shooting star and the mask I wear to avoid becoming an open book crumbles.

"I miss you."

I hear a twig snap behind me and I wheel around to see someone standing a couple feet away from me.

"Bam?" I call out automatically, my feet planted to the ground firmly. Then I feel stupid for assuming it's him. I see a figure standing a few feet away from me, taking something out of her pocket.

"It's Brooke." A voice tells me and I know right away that it's Brooke. She sticks something small between her lips and a spark of fire lights up from the other object in her hand. As she walks over, I can see the little round glow at the end of her cigarette. She walks up and stands beside me, looking up at the stars.

"Where'd that guy take you?" I look over at her.

"His car." She answers, not looking at me. "Nothing really happened. We just made out and he tried to put his hand down my pants... I slapped him."

I laugh and look back up at the sky.

"Can you believe it's almost the new year? This year went by way too fast." Brooke tells me, taking a drag from her cancer stick.

"You can't be serious... it still feels like June." I reply. My heart starts to race as many thoughts start whirling around inside my head. "I'm.... I'm going to live the rest of my life without my best friend... and I'm starting a new year in a matter of weeks without him. I can't even imagine getting a boyfriend without him there to scare the hell out of him to make sure he won't hurt me. I can't imagine getting married without him being there." Brooke stares at me as my eyes quickly become the ocean.

"Things happen for a reason. I know losing someone is messed up and it makes you turn away from things that can help you through it later on, but he was taken back home for some reason that no one will ever find out. It's painful, I know. Some people can get through losing a loved one. Some can't. But looking at you, I can tell you will eventually. You may not see it, but I can."

I feel my face heat up. How can she say that? "Look, I'm not trying to put you down. But I'm having a hard time believing he was 'taken back home for a reason.' I don't really believe in that stuff anymore."

I look at Brooke to see if I offended her or upset her, only to have a cloud of smoke hit me in the face. "Your cigarette is sucking ass." I cough, covering my mouth with my forearm as I continue to cough. Brooke laughs and throws the halfway finished cigarette down in the leaves, stomping on it to make sure it won't start a forest fire.

"Sorry. I wish I could stop smoking, but I can't. Don't ever start it. You'll live longer than me."

"I plan on living my life without a single drug flowing through my body." I point out, looking at her again. "Do you want to go home? This party is about to crash into the dust."

"How? Erin won't take us home."

"Taxi?"

"You have money? I'm dead broke."

"I'm smart. I brought some." I smile, earning a hard punch in the bicep. "I'm not even going to hit you back because you hit so hard." I pause. ".... No. Never mind. I lied." I punch her as hard as I can in the same place as she hit me. She stumbles to her left, then looks over at me

"Bitch." She says smirking. Laughing, we both start walking to the front of the house. Then someone steps in front of us and it takes me a second to realize it's Dave England. Another person steps up beside him. It's Ehren.

"Shit." I hiss, trading stares with both of the guys. "What are you two doing here?"

"Looking for a party to relax at. But this place is crap. We were about ready to leave when we saw you here. By the way, what are you doing here at 12:00am?" Dave questions me, getting that protective look in his eyes.

"We were about ready to leave too. These stunts are pathetic. I pity the people who have obviously never watched Jackass."

"I second that." Ehren pipes in.

"Can you take us home? We have no ride." I ask, mimicking Dave who had just crossed his arms.

"Sure."

The four of us walk to Dave's car and I introduce Brooke to the them as we make our way to his van. Brooke and I sit in the back, Ehren in the passenger seat, and Dave as the expected driver.

Dave, Brooke, and Ehren all talk to each other the entire ride back home. I just sit here without saying a word. My throat feels sore.

We drop Brooke off at her house. The guys and Brooke visibly liked each other.... as friends anyway.

"You've been really quiet, Ava." Ehren points out after we pull away from Brooke's house.

I want to say, " No. I'm not okay. " But I can't work up enough energy to say that. It's hard for me to say anything. So using all the energy that I know of that I have left, I say, "Yeah. Just tired."

We pull in front of my house and before I can get out, Dave looks over at me. "Ava." He waits for me to look at him and when I do, he adds, "If you ever need anything, you know to call me. Or Ehren."

I nod and exit the van. They pull away from the curb and drive down the road. I don't move from the sidewalk. I watch them until they vanish. But even then, I still don't go inside. I move to the backyard and climb up the tree, then climb up to the roof and lay there all night, freezing my butt off and thinking of the past, the present, and the future.