Streetwise Hercules

“Ugh!” Cameron bent over to pick up his glasses after being shoved into a locker violently. He looked around the busy hallway, bewildered. This was the fifth time today someone had physically abused him in public. He did, however, get towel whipped for a half-hour in the locker room.

Someone strode past him again and pushed him against the wall again. He cried out in pain as he wiped some blood from his nose. He heard the all-too-familiar giggles of the varsity football team while he struggled to get up.

He carefully stood up and navigated down the hallway in order to get to calculus. The teacher condemned him for being late before starting the lesson. Cameron doodled pictures of superheroes all over his homework while staring at Adara, the most gorgeous girl on the planet. He looked down at his assignment and smiled at the picture he had drawn of a muscular version of himself holding her triumphantly whilst leaping off the Empire State Building. The bell rang as he slammed his notebook shut. Adara glanced back at him, raising an eyebrow.

He smiled sheepishly at her before getting up to exit the classroom. Earlier that day some guys had taken his backpack hostage and hid it in a shower. He pushed the heavy door open with all his might and stumbled blindly into the locker room again, keeping an eye out for towels flying at him. Luckily, he made it into the shower area without a single towel making contact with his cheek. He picked up his soaked backpack and began to leave.

“Kalab, seriously, what’s the problem, dude?” A conversation started between a couple of basketball players.

Cameron dove back into the shower, knowing he was dead if they saw him.

“It’s Adara. She dumped me.” Kalab replied, pulling some shorts on. “Something about me not listening to her. I don’t know… I wasn’t really paying attention.” Kalab was the head of every sports team and the world’s most attractive yet arrogant asshole ever.

“Dude, what a bitch!” One of his followers exclaimed sympathetically, spraying some Axe onto himself. The smell wafted through the air, filling up Cameron’s lungs. He held his breath. Now was not the time for an allergic reaction.

“But Kalab, don’t you have some serious mob ties?” Another boy spoke up, leaning against the cold, whitewashed walls. “Couldn’t you just pay someone to shatter her kneecaps?”

Kalab looked at him as a slow smile spread across his acne scarred face. “You know,” He said, taking the Axe spray, “That’s not a bad idea…”

Cameron gulped. Broken kneecaps didn’t sound too great at this current conjuncture in time. He blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of the conversation. Kalab was planning to send out hit men to hurt Adara, his other half. She was unaware of that fact.

“Actually, man, I think breaking her kneecaps is a little too soft.” Another guy chimed in, adjusting his junk before slamming his locker door shut. “I think Adara needs something a bit more hardcore.”

“Huh…” Kalab glanced over at him. “I like that idea much better. She won’t get away with this. The last thing this whole world needs is just another bitch.”

Cameron sunk to the floor, breathing heavily. If only he had his inhaler. His heart was beating a mile per minute and he was sweating nervously. Adara’s life and knees were in danger. Stealthily he slipped out of the shower and out the door, thinking about how to prevent the mafia from coming after the girl he wanted more than an A+.

He ran up to the library and began searching for books on martial arts until the final bell rang. School was over and he rode home on his bicycle cover covered in toilet paper and eggs. Once he got into his bedroom, he stacked all his binders and textbooks on top of each other. He lifted them all up, his scrawny arms almost cracking under the weight. He did this for hours along with many sets of crunches. He would join the football team, get a haircut, start playing his drum set again. He was going to be hot. Adara would fall for him the way he fell off the rope in gym class.

Tomorrow was Saturday, and he had decided to put his homework aside for a day in order to become sexy. Because once he was buff, he could take out any assassin.

When he woke up that morning, he got into his parent’s car and drove down to the “Tropical Palms” tanning salon on 2nd Street. As soon as he walked through the door, a Snooki-clone led him to a tanning bed. After stripping down, he got in and prepared to become gorgeous for the first time ever. Sure, tanning beds were supposed to harmful, but it was worth in order to have Adara look at him.

He got in and closed his eyes, feeling the radiation on his incredibly pale skin. But after a couple minutes, he was getting way too warm. To the point of where he was just dripping sweat… to the point where he could almost feel his skin bubbling. A couple minutes later, he heard a shattering noise behind him and hot glass fell onto his back. He cried out in pain as his life flashed before him. Every towel, every wet-dream, every breakout... all of it. He bit his lip and let himself slip into complete darkness.