What the Hart Wants

“What do you mean?” I asked, knowing full well on what he was referring too.
“How’d you get that fat lip?” he asked, putting down his controller and now giving me his full attention. “And why was that guy, your fiancé so old and yelling like that?” Though he said it rather bluntly, his eyes held a concern quality to them.
“I-I uh,” I stammered praying he would have beaten more around the bush. Praying something would interrupt this conversation on anything else.
“Yeah, what is going on?” Jeff asked humor, something that seemed to really work for him was gone.
Cornered I tried to think of a way out. Anything other than telling these very great guys--so far--what had occurred in my life. What could I tell them?
I didn’t want to go over my life, like Agent Spencers had made me do. I did not want to reveal this morning or the fact that it wasn’t the first time my Aunt exposed me in front of other people. I didn’t want to think about Pastor Peters and all the damage he could do.
Over the past few years, especially in high school I have been studying more law than mandatory. I know what cults are. I know more than Kara, and probably more than even Pastor Peters did.
I know that charisma is a leading trait to those who tend “a flock” I know that they are cruel, manipulative and evil. Who will stop at nothing to save themselves. They are cowards preying on the weak willed or stupid. They are cowards preying on the poor and the naive. They are cowards who aren’t afraid to kill, but usually have others do.
And I was-am?-engaged to one of those cowards. And there is really only two roads he will take. He will hide and try again in some other state on some other poor stupid people, or he will turn on those who had done such grievances upon him.
And I’m on the top of that list.
And if I were to be honest with myself, I was ashamed to admit that I was in a cult.
So I remained silent, trying desperately to keep the tears swelling in my eyes in. Regardless of the stinging sensation they brought on, I swore to myself that I would not cry in front of these two guys. Not anymore.
I stood up and silently walked to the restroom. No longer trusting myself to remain so strong under the silent pressure they put out. No longer wanting to be asked questions I will no longer answer.
No longer wanting to speak.
I was in there for what probably could be justly considered a half hour. I didn’t speak or open up for the boys, who persistently apologized through the door.
I just cried as quietly as I could, which turned out to be rather obnoxiously loud. This wasn’t how I wanted my first night of freedom to be. This was not something I wanted period: to be locked in a bathroom--thankfully clean!--sobbing hysterically over the circumstances of my pathetic life.
Desperation ripped hold of me, and I couldn’t stop myself from it: death. Oh death would be a pure freedom. No one could do anymore to me, because I wouldn’t be there. I stared at my arms, milky cream color as flawless as a mirror.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t turn into that. Not ever, I would survive!
Taking a deep breath I thought of worse situations and there were plenty to chose from that made this seem like nothing. I got out of those I’d get out of this one!
I tried to stand, my legs tingly and my butt completely sore, I fell under the weight. Giving it a second try I stood and glanced in the mirror. I would survive.
I would survive.
I repeated that phrase; over and over again. And when I finally got it in my head I splashed some water on my face and rinsed out my mouth. Slow as a snail trying desperately to stall from the inevitable. It was time. Taking a deep sigh, I turned the door knob.
The boys were sitting across the door, droopy and what seemed to be very upset. They looked up to me slowly, their eyes piercing my own.
“I-and-I…” I tried to stammer out, finding my resolve wasn’t as set as I had hoped.
“Lorelei?” all three of us turned to see Mrs. Buckley with two agents. Agent Spencers gave me a kind goofy smile, as if he found smiling awkward in general. But Agent Jensen seemed to be giving me her best smile, as if trying to reassure me. “These agents need to speak to you.”
I tried not to cry, there was more involved. Something probably having to do with the student missing. Oh gawd I don’t think I can handle anymore.
Trying not to hyperventilate till maybe after they tell me what’s going on, I immediately followed the agents. Not wanting to give the boys even a small look.
Unfortunately I couldn’t help but glance back. Both wore a face of confusion with a hint of worry. Questions were all they had and now they had to see me go with more FBI. Oh this is so lovely.
Maybe the FBI will allow me to take off? Put me somewhere not in this town? Away from the handsome brothers who by no doubt thought I was pure and horrible trouble.
Taking a deep breathe they led me to a small office space in the upstairs of the guesthouse.
“Lorelei, we were hoping that you could tell us some thing’s about your friend Kara Jacobs?” Agent Jensen voice was more of a question than a statement. And neither way changed the fact that the student missing was Kara.
Kara who would swipe money when the fosters were to drunk to noticed and spend it on time for computers so we could dream. Kara who was the ONLY person who would help me though no matter if it were day or night.
OH GAWD!
“Shh, its okay Lorie,” I cringed from the name, realizing that I must have said that allowed. “Rory, its okay. Just breathe!” Spensers altered.
“Put your head in between your knees,” a gentle hand pressed on my back, slightly helping me down, “and take big breathes.”
“She’s dead isn’t she, that’s why you are here!” I sobbed. “She was my sister! Oh gawd! My sister and now she’s dead and gone. She understood this!” I made a large circle with my hand, motioning to everything. “We took care of each other! I failed her!!!” I screamed realizing with immense guilt that I failed her. I failed the only other person who knew me the best. “She knew everything. She loved me, and I her! She accepted me and made sure things remained stable as much as we could!” I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t really think things through. Kara gone?
“Kara was taken.” Agent Jensen said. No nonsense, no arguing. Something I really didn’t think that she was capable of. “Other students saw her being dragged by the Peters.”
My breath caught. He had her. Guilt ran through me chilling my blood. What if he’d leave me alone now? He had her.
Kara. Kara was out there with him. Did he hit her like he did me? Did he do things? I love her and she’s now she has been taken by A CULT LEADER!
Manson. Dyers. Jones. Manson. Dyers. Jones.
I could not breathe. Charles Manson led his followers to kill several people, including A PREGNANT WOMAN! Dyers was charged with twenty-two counts of sex offenses and counting! Jones murdered practically thousands, including children who were injected with the poison so they could die slowly!
And my sister, the only person I had any connection to was held captive by a cult leader.
“Tell us about her,” Jensen asked, her voice calm and caring. “Everyone we have talked to said that you were her only friend.”
“That’s because I was. We were trapped in the same boat. No one else saw Selsi with clear eyes like we did.” I held back from crying trying so very hard to keep it together. “She was going through a shift though. She was no longer staying with them, she was free from it all. They released her!”
“They released her?”
“Yes, last night, or over the weekend she got out of her hell hole and the cult. She even got out of the marriage!” I tried not to think of how angry Peters got at losing her on threat. “She agreed not to blow the cover on the cult if he let her go, and he wasn’t too happy about that.”
“Was he that easy to let go?”
“No! Oh gawd no! He flipped when I just gave him lip. He wasn’t-isn’t… He isn’t going to let me go.”
Realization dawned on me. I stood up to a man that wasn’t willing to let anyone go.
“He’s going to kill me,” I stated.
“Not if we can help it,” Spencers said. Standing up and walking closer to the window. “You will be watched day and night and will have an Agent with you when you leave the house.”
“Fun.” I stated, sarcasm dripping from the small word. Kara is gone, and I am next.