If You Could Only See

"Layla, wake up, it's time to get a move on." My father screamed from the bedroom. I was limp in my bed.

I didn't know why I was so drowsy. I just was. It was the complication that I was too lazy to figure out why I was so tired. I got up out of bed and got some clothes, I took them into the bathroom and got into the shower.

I washed my brown hair and washed my entire body, letting the hot water soothe my back.

I wasn't sure with a lot of things in my life. I had no friends, I've always moved, seeing that my dad never kept a steady job. Story of my life.

My dad decided that we moved to New Jersey, to start a 'Business' What that business was? I don't know yet. All I know was that I am a Nineteen year old graduate from high school, with no social life. Totally normal.

I always had to stay home and clean stuff up for dad, seeing that he was too lazy to clean up once in a while.

No way in hell was I ready for today. My mother had died while giving birth to me. Dad, never wanted me in the first place, I was a mistake. A worthless piece of crap. I've always thought that my Mother never loved me either and that I was a big mistake as well, so basically I was the reason of her death.

I sighed as I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel over my body. My hair being in curly waves, as I dry it with another towel.

Once that was through I looked in the mirror. I noticed that there were bags under my eyes. I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Getting some tooth paste on my tooth brush, brushing silently.

Once that was done it was time to put on an outfit. I put on a black tank top, with blue jean shorts. Being my usual clothing since it was Summer time. I put my hair up in a high bun. Done with that I applied some make up on, eye-liner, mascara, base, etc.

Content with the way I looked I grabbed my iPod and iPhone and headed out the door. Didn't say anything to dad cuz he knows not to fuck with me in the morning, and he KNOWS that I always go for a jog to wake myself up in the mornings.

I ran around my new block a couple of times, seeing that we just moved in yesterday. It's a Sunday morning, and I never went to church.

Before you start getting ideas, I am a christian. My dad just never had the time to go to church, so I was kinda forced into not going. But, I do read the bible.

As I walked I saw this church right by my house. I haven't noticed that till the second time around the block, I looked around and saw that there were cars around the church. My curiousty getting the better of me I decided to go up there to see what everyone was doing and what scriptor had said today.

I walked inside and saw everyone standing up as a boy my age was singing near a piano.

Dear God

I hate to be a bother, but I gotta say

This world is getting crazier with every day

I hope you'll hear me out now as I stop and pray

Oh, Dear God

People take your words and try to twist 'em round

I know you can't be happy with what's goin' down

I'm searchin' for some answers, but they can't be found

Can you help me out, Dear God?

Oh, Seems like,

Everybody's searching for an easy solution

They can't see beyond, the selfish world they're living in

Your words of love get lost, in all the confusion, yes they do

But I still believe someday you're gonna speak to me

Dear God,

Just the other night I heard somebody say

What's the use believin' in you anyway

I guess it was just heartache talkin' through the pain

It's a cryin' shame

Dear God,

I know you're disappointed in the things we've done

Can't they see the truth that they're all running from

Try to preach your message with a loaded gun

What they thinkin' of, Dear God

Oh,Seems like

Everybody's searching for an easy solution

They can't see beyond, the selfish world they're living in,

Your words of love get lost, in all the confusion, oh yes they do

But I still believe, someday you're gonna speak to me

Dear God,

I know you've got a million other calls to take

You're dealing with a lot of things that just won't wait

But there is one request that I just gotta make

Ohh, Dear God

Won't you send a sign down, just to ease my doubt

I'm trying to hear you, but the silence is so loud

I think I see a rainbow from behind the clouds

And I hear you now, dear God

He finished, I was in awe. I have never seen someone so powerful with their voice. He turned and saw me as I quickly close the door running away from the church. I hoped that I hadn't caused attention then I'd be screwed so I ran home and quickly.

I headed towards my room to hear moaning going on in the next room across from mine. Typical, dad had another skank in the house for the night. He must've met her this morning and decided to bring her over and have his time with her.

I gagged as I heard my own dad grunting and decided to shut my door and lock it.

I put my music on high as I listened to Staind 'So Far Away'. It was blaring so I could block out the sex noise coming from next door.

I sighed and decided to finish getting stuff unpacked and making my place look more roomy.

"This is my life,It's not what it was before,All these feelings I've shared,And these are my dreams,That I'd never lived before,Somebody shake me 'cause I,I must be sleeping."

The lyrics began, then came in the chorus as I sang along to it. I was putting stuff on shelves and putting clothes in my new walk in closet.

I was ready for a change. But, I couldn't bare myself to do it. Not now anyways, my life would always be this way, nothing never changes. At least not yet anyway.