I Wish I Could Be the One
Trashed and Scattered...
“Little girl, what’s the matter?” Jimmy asked coyly. “Come sit on Uncle Jimmy’s lap. Tell me all about it…and if you’re a good girl…I could have you back with your boy by nightfall.” Poor Jimmy…he had no clue what he was getting into…
I took him up on his offer to sit with him, but not about the talking. I just curled up on him and stuck my face in his neck while I bawled my eyes out. Leana had come in at some point and curled up with us and just rubbed my back for what seemed like hours. I even started dozing off. It seemed like I hadn’t slept for days.
“Kitten, what’s wrong with her?” I heard Jimmy ask Leana, as he ran his hands through both of our heads of hair. “I’ve never seen her like this.”
“I don’t know baby, I guess we should just keep sitting with her. I know how distraught I’d be if I wasn’t with you, and we haven’t even been together that long.” Leana smiled sweetly at her new love. “Hey doll…has she eaten at all? She doesn’t look so good right now.” She looked back at my tired body.
“Not since she’s been here. And she hasn’t said two words to me since she walked in the door, so I don’t have a clue.” He admitted.
“Well what does she like?” Leana offered, gently untangling herself from Jimmy and I.
“I don’t know, Kitten, why don’t we grab some Chinese or something?”
***
“Berry-girl, are you ok? Do you need something?” Jimmy asked as he knocked on the bathroom door.
“I’ll be fine, just throwing up the last of it.” I stated simply.
“I’m sorry, I thought you loved Chinese.” Jimmy seemed totally bummed as he apologized to me for the 7th time.
“I do Jimbo, or…I did. Don’t worry ok…it’s not your fault.” I weakly reassured him.
“What’s wrong, Berry?” Jimmy asked as he heard me start to moan.
“I don’t know, Jimmy.” I was starting to cry again.
“Let Kitten come in there to help you…” Jimmy’s so sweet, offering up his girl’s services like that…
“I’ll be fine.” I was whispering now.
“Bree?” They both spoke my name nervously through the door again.
“Actually, maybe you should both come in…I feel like I’m gonna pass out.” I whined.
“When’s the last time you ate?” I hadn’t seen Jimmy this serious in a long time, I must not have looked very well.
“Yesterday at some point, I’m sure…” I replied.
“Did you…or didn’t you eat?” He was looking more anxious now and Leana was shaking her head.
“What was yesterday?” Kind of creepy that I couldn’t remember that.
“Sunday.” The both answered together.
“Then yes…Brian took me to breakfast after church.” Yup…you read that right.
“Bree, it’s Monday night, almost Tuesday morning…you haven’t eaten in almost two days.” I guess they thought I wasn’t going to be able to figure that one out.
“Well I got kicked out of MY LIFE just for being a bitch…needless to say, I wasn’t really hungry.” I answered, probably too irritably, after what my two friends were doing for me.
“Did you seriously not know what day it was?” Leana seemed really concerned at this point. Her pretty face in a permanent furrowed brow.
“I don’t know guys…if I thought about it hard enough, I’m sure I would have figured it out.” That was the best I could do.
“Have you been out clubbing? Smoked any pot? Done any coke? Anything like that lately?” Jimmy asked nervously.
“Jimmy.” That was all I really had to say, he knew better.
“What? It’s a genuine question, Bear. Maybe someone laced something you had…”
“NO.”
“No to what?” Why…why did he feel the need to interrogate me right now?
“I haven’t done any of that shit and you know it.”
“Well then, we should take you to a doctor.” He stood up as if he were trying to enforce his words.
“No, I’ll be fine…seriously. Just help me to the couch and I’ll sleep whatever it is off.”
***
BAND PRACTICE…SYN’S POV…
“How’s my girl?” I asked Shads. I was really hoping, after a night away, that she was ready to come back.
“I don’t know why?” Shads looked kind of puzzled.
“Isn’t she staying with you and Val?” Well the hell was this? If he was pulling my leg, I was definitely going to punch him square in the face.
“No, why would she be staying with us?” He seemed too curious to be fucking with me.
“She’s with me.” I heard a voice from behind the drum kit.
“She’s staying with you? Why?” I was a little taken aback…
“Why not?” He didn’t seem pleased, and looked like he hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep…sort of like me.
“I thought she’d go to her best friend’s house, that’s all.” I was confused now.
“Yeah…well her best friend also has a twin sister.” Jimmy looked directly into my eyes, looking for the guilt I guess…just like Bree.
“Yeah…I know…unfortunately.”
“Are one of you going to enlighten the rest of us as to what’s going on here? We’re not getting into any pissing contests today are we?” Shads demanded to know. Of course, he was all business.
“Syn kicked his girl out of their apartment because she was still being a bitch about the Michelle episode.” Jimmy didn’t hesitate to throw it all out there.
“You kicked Bree out?” Asked in a chorus.
“Not exactly.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You did or you didn’t?” The guys were getting pretty upset now.
“It seemed like she needed some space. She’s been really upset lately…only with me, really.” I tried weakly to defend myself.
“So you kicked her out?” Zacky seemed like he was in shock.
“I just figured she’d go hang with Val for a couple days…do girl shit…miss me, and come home.”
“I’m thinking it’s something a little more than just needing some girl time, Brian.” Shit, Jimmy must have had a long night.
“Jesus, Brian…what the fuck is going on with the two of you?” Zacky seemed genuinely concerned, they all did. Jimmy was a little more frustrated though.
“I don’t know…she doesn’t know…we had another blowout and I couldn’t take it anymore.” I admitted, there was no use hiding it from them.
“Is there anything we can do?” Even Johnny seemed pretty upset at the recent turn of events.
“If I knew what to do, she wouldn’t have been with Jimmy all night.”
“Leana was with her too…” Jimmy smiled at just the mention of her name.
“Is she ok?”
“Well if she’s not better by tonight, we’re taking her to the hospital whether she wants to go or not.”
“What? Why the hospital? What the hell happened?”
“She’s a mess, buddy.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t touch her or anything…she had just been crying.” I didn’t know what the hell was going on at this point. My mind was in a daze.
“Well, we found out that she hadn’t eaten anything since Sunday morning.” Jimmy started. “When she got to my house, she curled up on my lap and cried nonstop for almost 2 hours. Leana was really concerned and thought she looked really bad. So we fed her some Chinese food. Because you know…she’s loves Chinese food?” I nodded in agreement. “Well…she didn’t end up speaking to us until she was done getting sick in the bathroom after she ate. And even then it was only to ask us to help her to the couch because she thought she was going to pass out. Honestly…she looks like ass.” Well that was blunt enough for me; I guess I got my answer.
“Shit…I’m gonna go get her.”
“No…don’t…Leana’s there. It will be ok; she said she’d call right away if anything changed. Berry was sleeping when I left.” Jimmy said…a little too quickly. I could tell he still wasn’t sure about our ‘fight’.
“I should be with her.” I responded, a tad too defensively.
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you kicked her out of the apartment…” Jimmy wasn’t trying to be mean, but he was right. “Why don’t you just leave her for a bit…we’ll spring her back in no time.” He changed his attitude quickly when he finally realized how shitty I felt about the whole thing.
“Well I’m at least going to call to see if she needs anything…” I insisted.
***
“Hey, Brian…um…no, she’s sleeping.” This was the weak response I ended up getting from Leana.
“Well can you wake her?” I wasn’t getting off the phone until I spoke to her.
“Hold on a second Brian.” Leana sighed loudly into the phone. “Um…listen…about this…she just says she’s all set.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I was pissed again.
“I had to come into the kitchen…she doesn’t want to talk…she told me to tell you she was sleeping. I’m sorry.” She didn’t sound all that sorry actually.
“Jesus…fine then. Please make sure she knows I wanted to talk to her. Tell her I miss her and I love her and I want her to feel better…and I want her to come home. I can’t be there without her. I made a mistake, and if she needs anything to call me, and I’ll come get her if she wants.” It all came rushing out of my mouth, I was crushed.
“I’ll give her the rundown, Brian.”
“I want her back home, Leana…” One last ditch effort.
“I’ll tell her.” Click.
I took him up on his offer to sit with him, but not about the talking. I just curled up on him and stuck my face in his neck while I bawled my eyes out. Leana had come in at some point and curled up with us and just rubbed my back for what seemed like hours. I even started dozing off. It seemed like I hadn’t slept for days.
“Kitten, what’s wrong with her?” I heard Jimmy ask Leana, as he ran his hands through both of our heads of hair. “I’ve never seen her like this.”
“I don’t know baby, I guess we should just keep sitting with her. I know how distraught I’d be if I wasn’t with you, and we haven’t even been together that long.” Leana smiled sweetly at her new love. “Hey doll…has she eaten at all? She doesn’t look so good right now.” She looked back at my tired body.
“Not since she’s been here. And she hasn’t said two words to me since she walked in the door, so I don’t have a clue.” He admitted.
“Well what does she like?” Leana offered, gently untangling herself from Jimmy and I.
“I don’t know, Kitten, why don’t we grab some Chinese or something?”
***
“Berry-girl, are you ok? Do you need something?” Jimmy asked as he knocked on the bathroom door.
“I’ll be fine, just throwing up the last of it.” I stated simply.
“I’m sorry, I thought you loved Chinese.” Jimmy seemed totally bummed as he apologized to me for the 7th time.
“I do Jimbo, or…I did. Don’t worry ok…it’s not your fault.” I weakly reassured him.
“What’s wrong, Berry?” Jimmy asked as he heard me start to moan.
“I don’t know, Jimmy.” I was starting to cry again.
“Let Kitten come in there to help you…” Jimmy’s so sweet, offering up his girl’s services like that…
“I’ll be fine.” I was whispering now.
“Bree?” They both spoke my name nervously through the door again.
“Actually, maybe you should both come in…I feel like I’m gonna pass out.” I whined.
“When’s the last time you ate?” I hadn’t seen Jimmy this serious in a long time, I must not have looked very well.
“Yesterday at some point, I’m sure…” I replied.
“Did you…or didn’t you eat?” He was looking more anxious now and Leana was shaking her head.
“What was yesterday?” Kind of creepy that I couldn’t remember that.
“Sunday.” The both answered together.
“Then yes…Brian took me to breakfast after church.” Yup…you read that right.
“Bree, it’s Monday night, almost Tuesday morning…you haven’t eaten in almost two days.” I guess they thought I wasn’t going to be able to figure that one out.
“Well I got kicked out of MY LIFE just for being a bitch…needless to say, I wasn’t really hungry.” I answered, probably too irritably, after what my two friends were doing for me.
“Did you seriously not know what day it was?” Leana seemed really concerned at this point. Her pretty face in a permanent furrowed brow.
“I don’t know guys…if I thought about it hard enough, I’m sure I would have figured it out.” That was the best I could do.
“Have you been out clubbing? Smoked any pot? Done any coke? Anything like that lately?” Jimmy asked nervously.
“Jimmy.” That was all I really had to say, he knew better.
“What? It’s a genuine question, Bear. Maybe someone laced something you had…”
“NO.”
“No to what?” Why…why did he feel the need to interrogate me right now?
“I haven’t done any of that shit and you know it.”
“Well then, we should take you to a doctor.” He stood up as if he were trying to enforce his words.
“No, I’ll be fine…seriously. Just help me to the couch and I’ll sleep whatever it is off.”
***
BAND PRACTICE…SYN’S POV…
“How’s my girl?” I asked Shads. I was really hoping, after a night away, that she was ready to come back.
“I don’t know why?” Shads looked kind of puzzled.
“Isn’t she staying with you and Val?” Well the hell was this? If he was pulling my leg, I was definitely going to punch him square in the face.
“No, why would she be staying with us?” He seemed too curious to be fucking with me.
“She’s with me.” I heard a voice from behind the drum kit.
“She’s staying with you? Why?” I was a little taken aback…
“Why not?” He didn’t seem pleased, and looked like he hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep…sort of like me.
“I thought she’d go to her best friend’s house, that’s all.” I was confused now.
“Yeah…well her best friend also has a twin sister.” Jimmy looked directly into my eyes, looking for the guilt I guess…just like Bree.
“Yeah…I know…unfortunately.”
“Are one of you going to enlighten the rest of us as to what’s going on here? We’re not getting into any pissing contests today are we?” Shads demanded to know. Of course, he was all business.
“Syn kicked his girl out of their apartment because she was still being a bitch about the Michelle episode.” Jimmy didn’t hesitate to throw it all out there.
“You kicked Bree out?” Asked in a chorus.
“Not exactly.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You did or you didn’t?” The guys were getting pretty upset now.
“It seemed like she needed some space. She’s been really upset lately…only with me, really.” I tried weakly to defend myself.
“So you kicked her out?” Zacky seemed like he was in shock.
“I just figured she’d go hang with Val for a couple days…do girl shit…miss me, and come home.”
“I’m thinking it’s something a little more than just needing some girl time, Brian.” Shit, Jimmy must have had a long night.
“Jesus, Brian…what the fuck is going on with the two of you?” Zacky seemed genuinely concerned, they all did. Jimmy was a little more frustrated though.
“I don’t know…she doesn’t know…we had another blowout and I couldn’t take it anymore.” I admitted, there was no use hiding it from them.
“Is there anything we can do?” Even Johnny seemed pretty upset at the recent turn of events.
“If I knew what to do, she wouldn’t have been with Jimmy all night.”
“Leana was with her too…” Jimmy smiled at just the mention of her name.
“Is she ok?”
“Well if she’s not better by tonight, we’re taking her to the hospital whether she wants to go or not.”
“What? Why the hospital? What the hell happened?”
“She’s a mess, buddy.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t touch her or anything…she had just been crying.” I didn’t know what the hell was going on at this point. My mind was in a daze.
“Well, we found out that she hadn’t eaten anything since Sunday morning.” Jimmy started. “When she got to my house, she curled up on my lap and cried nonstop for almost 2 hours. Leana was really concerned and thought she looked really bad. So we fed her some Chinese food. Because you know…she’s loves Chinese food?” I nodded in agreement. “Well…she didn’t end up speaking to us until she was done getting sick in the bathroom after she ate. And even then it was only to ask us to help her to the couch because she thought she was going to pass out. Honestly…she looks like ass.” Well that was blunt enough for me; I guess I got my answer.
“Shit…I’m gonna go get her.”
“No…don’t…Leana’s there. It will be ok; she said she’d call right away if anything changed. Berry was sleeping when I left.” Jimmy said…a little too quickly. I could tell he still wasn’t sure about our ‘fight’.
“I should be with her.” I responded, a tad too defensively.
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you kicked her out of the apartment…” Jimmy wasn’t trying to be mean, but he was right. “Why don’t you just leave her for a bit…we’ll spring her back in no time.” He changed his attitude quickly when he finally realized how shitty I felt about the whole thing.
“Well I’m at least going to call to see if she needs anything…” I insisted.
***
“Hey, Brian…um…no, she’s sleeping.” This was the weak response I ended up getting from Leana.
“Well can you wake her?” I wasn’t getting off the phone until I spoke to her.
“Hold on a second Brian.” Leana sighed loudly into the phone. “Um…listen…about this…she just says she’s all set.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I was pissed again.
“I had to come into the kitchen…she doesn’t want to talk…she told me to tell you she was sleeping. I’m sorry.” She didn’t sound all that sorry actually.
“Jesus…fine then. Please make sure she knows I wanted to talk to her. Tell her I miss her and I love her and I want her to feel better…and I want her to come home. I can’t be there without her. I made a mistake, and if she needs anything to call me, and I’ll come get her if she wants.” It all came rushing out of my mouth, I was crushed.
“I’ll give her the rundown, Brian.”
“I want her back home, Leana…” One last ditch effort.
“I’ll tell her.” Click.