I Wish I Could Be the One
Complicated...you mean like Avril Lavigne?
“Don’t look at me like that Val,” Syn said in defeat.
Ah-hah…the gig was up…wow, and did I just blow the doors off of it. Well actually Jimmy did.
“What do you mean, don’t look at you like that?” I asked Syn, still with my hands on my hips. He looked completely miserable. I was having a real hard time trying to figure out exactly what his problem was. Here was this gorgeous girl, who is one of his best friends, who just happens to love him more than life itself…you would think, this is a guy who would be out there taking advantage of that particular situation. He’s taken advantage of far less, that’s for sure.
“I mean…don’t look at me like that.” He replied a little more aggravated than before. “Oh, and thanks, Jim.” Syn coldly deferred to his best friend.
“Don’t mention it buddy…it’s time, Dude…I just did you a favor, because after this, someone else will get her.” Jimmy answered, completely unfazed by Syn’s attitude toward him.
“He’s right, Syn…just let it go man…it will turn out fine.” Zacky chimed in; gaining confidence knowing Jimmy would have his back, should Syn completely come unhinged.
All I could do was stand there with my mouth gaping open. I couldn’t believe what was happening. It seemed as though; I was hearing that Syn might actually have reciprocal feelings for my best friend who had been there by his side all these years.
“What, Val?” Was all Syn could muster in response to the look on my face. At this point, I wasn’t going anywhere until I got to the bottom of this.
“Syn…am I understanding this right? Do you have feelings for Bree? After all these years, do you finally want her in the way that she deserves?” I wanted some answers, damn it…seriously, what reason would he have to play the coy game? It’s not like she’d reject him.
“Val, it’s complicated.” Syn sighed. That’s all I was going to get in return from this guy? I was now fighting for my best friend’s love life here…this was serious, but it shouldn’t be complicated.
“Complicated.” I repeated. “Complicated? Seriously Syn…is that all you can come up with?” Well there was no stopping me now. “This should be very un-complicated. I’ve never known someone to feel about anyone the way that girl feels about you…Matty and I excluded, of course. This isn’t making any sense to me right now, when did you realize you had feelings for her? Obviously not just 10 minutes ago, because it seems like Jimmy, Zacky and my Matt…” I continued on as I over-pronounced that last name and shot a glare in his direction. “Were let in on this little tidbit of information, long before the rest of us.”
“Look, Val…let up a little…he’s got a valid reason.” This…this is what I hear from the direction of the peanut gallery guy, who’s been staring at his feet for the better part of 20 minutes. Geez, Matty and I were going to have some serious ‘talk’ time ahead of us…
“Ok, then, big guy…considering, I’ve had to watch my best friend pine away for this boy for many, many, many years…someone had better give me an exceptionally valid reason, for this bizarre behavior.” I retorted. Damn it all to hell, I wasn’t stepping foot out of that room without some answers.
“Dude, what is up with that shit?” JB asked, seemingly as dumbfounded as I was. It looked as though I was getting some back up from the twins, anyway.
“Look…this isn’t something that really needs to be shared with the universe and certainly not Bree. I’m not fucking proud of myself or anything, but at least I’m trying to be mature enough not to hurt her any more than I probably already have.” Syn started. I decided not to say anything at all in response, because I really just needed him to tell me about this newfound maturity, and what exactly it meant for my girl, Bree. When he realized that no one was going to say anything until we felt he had completely explained himself, Syn continued.
“You know, I’m young and I’m stupid at times…maybe a lot of the times.” He went on, I just nodded my head in agreement, whether it was appropriate or not. It was no secret how I felt about him. With what he did to my sister, on top of what he does to Bree on a daily basis…I found it kind of hard to respect the guy. He paused, after I nodded, waiting for something shitty to come out of my mouth, but then continued…
“I like to have fun, and that shouldn’t be considered a sin. What I consider to be fun and what other’s consider to be fun are usually two different things.” Now, I know he probably thought he was making a good case for himself, but I was totally not buying it.
“Well, if you’re under the impression that using women and then tossing them aside is fun…then yes…we definitely have different views on that…but, please Syn, go on.” I said, snidely.
Then, all of a sudden from my own personal peanut gallery, comes this…
“Syn, for fucks-sake would you just tell Val, what it is you’re trying to explain…so she’ll understand.” Huh…didn’t know I needed that much help ‘understanding’ something. But once again, I guess Matty-boy and I will be spending some quality chat time together, very soon.
“Val, in all seriousness, I know what I’ve done with women in the past…is not necessarily a good thing. But I like to drink, and I like to smoke, I love being in the band and getting all the attention that comes with it, and I just like to do what I want – when I want – with who I want. And eventually, I hope I will grow up a little and change all that. But I can’t promise anyone that it’s going to happen right now.” Syn was letting it all out like a waterfall now. “Val, what you and Matt have is really special. And I want that too some day. I just don’t think I have it in me to want it that bad, right now. I’m not disciplined like Matt. Matt has known that he’s going to marry you since he was 10 years old. The idea of being with just one woman for the rest of my life literally scares the shit out of me. I’m afraid I would do something to fuck a relationship like that up. And even though, if I were to ever settle down with one woman, I know it would be with Bree, because she’s the only woman I could ever imagine loving that much…I don’t want to fuck up what I have with her now. I wouldn’t want to hurt her that bad, if I couldn’t follow through with the commitment. She doesn’t deserve that and honestly, I just don’t feel like I deserve the love I know she has for me. I’m afraid I wouldn’t live up to her feelings for me. But if it makes anyone feel any better, I absolutely do not want her out there, looking like that in front of all those guys. Would you just please go get her back in here?” Syn’s chest heaved as he finished his speech.
Ok. Well, what could you say to that? Sounded pretty noble right? Sure it does. Unfortunately for him, I’m not that easily won over. It sounded like some silly little excuse to me. When Matty saw the look on my face, he could tell I wasn’t quite finished with my earlier barrage on Syn. I’m pretty sure all the boys knew it. Matty, tried to step up and intervene on his friend’s behalf…
“Val, baby, please…just let it go. It’s valid. It’s how he honestly feels. You wouldn’t want Bree to get hurt like Michelle did, would you? Just let him deal with this the way he thinks he should. If Syn and Bree were meant to be together, like you and me, then they will be…in time. You know she’ll wait for him forever. Now, go out there and bring her back in, please, baby.” As soon as Matt got the words out, I knew he wanted to take them all back. I think Syn even cringed as they were said. I didn’t know what was going through my boyfriend’s head at this exact moment. Maybe he was just trying to calm the guys down, because they had a show looming. I can understand needing to be in the right mindset to get onstage…but Jesus, what the hell was he thinking?
I was starting to become a little frazzled with the situation myself and knew that Bree would be really pissed off, if I didn’t get out there with her soon. I started to walk towards the door, but thought better about it and walked back to Syn. I bent down to come face to face with him…
“I’m not going to pretend to know how you or anyone else in this room thinks or feels. But I am sure of one Goddamn thing here. You are absolutely correct in thinking that you do not deserve Bree or her love and devotion, because you don’t. But nothing I have ever said to her, or ever could say, is going to change the way she feels for you. I will promise you one thing though, Brian Haner…I am going to now make it my life’s mission to make sure that girl does NOT wait for you any longer. If you even thinking of hurting her, I will kill you. You damn well better decide what you’re going to be mature enough to handle from this point forward, and I suggest you make your decision quickly and wholeheartedly. And if you want her back in here, safe and sound, you best get your ass up off that chair and go out and tell her yourself.” With that, I exited the room in pretty much the same fashion as Bree had done earlier.
Ah-hah…the gig was up…wow, and did I just blow the doors off of it. Well actually Jimmy did.
“What do you mean, don’t look at you like that?” I asked Syn, still with my hands on my hips. He looked completely miserable. I was having a real hard time trying to figure out exactly what his problem was. Here was this gorgeous girl, who is one of his best friends, who just happens to love him more than life itself…you would think, this is a guy who would be out there taking advantage of that particular situation. He’s taken advantage of far less, that’s for sure.
“I mean…don’t look at me like that.” He replied a little more aggravated than before. “Oh, and thanks, Jim.” Syn coldly deferred to his best friend.
“Don’t mention it buddy…it’s time, Dude…I just did you a favor, because after this, someone else will get her.” Jimmy answered, completely unfazed by Syn’s attitude toward him.
“He’s right, Syn…just let it go man…it will turn out fine.” Zacky chimed in; gaining confidence knowing Jimmy would have his back, should Syn completely come unhinged.
All I could do was stand there with my mouth gaping open. I couldn’t believe what was happening. It seemed as though; I was hearing that Syn might actually have reciprocal feelings for my best friend who had been there by his side all these years.
“What, Val?” Was all Syn could muster in response to the look on my face. At this point, I wasn’t going anywhere until I got to the bottom of this.
“Syn…am I understanding this right? Do you have feelings for Bree? After all these years, do you finally want her in the way that she deserves?” I wanted some answers, damn it…seriously, what reason would he have to play the coy game? It’s not like she’d reject him.
“Val, it’s complicated.” Syn sighed. That’s all I was going to get in return from this guy? I was now fighting for my best friend’s love life here…this was serious, but it shouldn’t be complicated.
“Complicated.” I repeated. “Complicated? Seriously Syn…is that all you can come up with?” Well there was no stopping me now. “This should be very un-complicated. I’ve never known someone to feel about anyone the way that girl feels about you…Matty and I excluded, of course. This isn’t making any sense to me right now, when did you realize you had feelings for her? Obviously not just 10 minutes ago, because it seems like Jimmy, Zacky and my Matt…” I continued on as I over-pronounced that last name and shot a glare in his direction. “Were let in on this little tidbit of information, long before the rest of us.”
“Look, Val…let up a little…he’s got a valid reason.” This…this is what I hear from the direction of the peanut gallery guy, who’s been staring at his feet for the better part of 20 minutes. Geez, Matty and I were going to have some serious ‘talk’ time ahead of us…
“Ok, then, big guy…considering, I’ve had to watch my best friend pine away for this boy for many, many, many years…someone had better give me an exceptionally valid reason, for this bizarre behavior.” I retorted. Damn it all to hell, I wasn’t stepping foot out of that room without some answers.
“Dude, what is up with that shit?” JB asked, seemingly as dumbfounded as I was. It looked as though I was getting some back up from the twins, anyway.
“Look…this isn’t something that really needs to be shared with the universe and certainly not Bree. I’m not fucking proud of myself or anything, but at least I’m trying to be mature enough not to hurt her any more than I probably already have.” Syn started. I decided not to say anything at all in response, because I really just needed him to tell me about this newfound maturity, and what exactly it meant for my girl, Bree. When he realized that no one was going to say anything until we felt he had completely explained himself, Syn continued.
“You know, I’m young and I’m stupid at times…maybe a lot of the times.” He went on, I just nodded my head in agreement, whether it was appropriate or not. It was no secret how I felt about him. With what he did to my sister, on top of what he does to Bree on a daily basis…I found it kind of hard to respect the guy. He paused, after I nodded, waiting for something shitty to come out of my mouth, but then continued…
“I like to have fun, and that shouldn’t be considered a sin. What I consider to be fun and what other’s consider to be fun are usually two different things.” Now, I know he probably thought he was making a good case for himself, but I was totally not buying it.
“Well, if you’re under the impression that using women and then tossing them aside is fun…then yes…we definitely have different views on that…but, please Syn, go on.” I said, snidely.
Then, all of a sudden from my own personal peanut gallery, comes this…
“Syn, for fucks-sake would you just tell Val, what it is you’re trying to explain…so she’ll understand.” Huh…didn’t know I needed that much help ‘understanding’ something. But once again, I guess Matty-boy and I will be spending some quality chat time together, very soon.
“Val, in all seriousness, I know what I’ve done with women in the past…is not necessarily a good thing. But I like to drink, and I like to smoke, I love being in the band and getting all the attention that comes with it, and I just like to do what I want – when I want – with who I want. And eventually, I hope I will grow up a little and change all that. But I can’t promise anyone that it’s going to happen right now.” Syn was letting it all out like a waterfall now. “Val, what you and Matt have is really special. And I want that too some day. I just don’t think I have it in me to want it that bad, right now. I’m not disciplined like Matt. Matt has known that he’s going to marry you since he was 10 years old. The idea of being with just one woman for the rest of my life literally scares the shit out of me. I’m afraid I would do something to fuck a relationship like that up. And even though, if I were to ever settle down with one woman, I know it would be with Bree, because she’s the only woman I could ever imagine loving that much…I don’t want to fuck up what I have with her now. I wouldn’t want to hurt her that bad, if I couldn’t follow through with the commitment. She doesn’t deserve that and honestly, I just don’t feel like I deserve the love I know she has for me. I’m afraid I wouldn’t live up to her feelings for me. But if it makes anyone feel any better, I absolutely do not want her out there, looking like that in front of all those guys. Would you just please go get her back in here?” Syn’s chest heaved as he finished his speech.
Ok. Well, what could you say to that? Sounded pretty noble right? Sure it does. Unfortunately for him, I’m not that easily won over. It sounded like some silly little excuse to me. When Matty saw the look on my face, he could tell I wasn’t quite finished with my earlier barrage on Syn. I’m pretty sure all the boys knew it. Matty, tried to step up and intervene on his friend’s behalf…
“Val, baby, please…just let it go. It’s valid. It’s how he honestly feels. You wouldn’t want Bree to get hurt like Michelle did, would you? Just let him deal with this the way he thinks he should. If Syn and Bree were meant to be together, like you and me, then they will be…in time. You know she’ll wait for him forever. Now, go out there and bring her back in, please, baby.” As soon as Matt got the words out, I knew he wanted to take them all back. I think Syn even cringed as they were said. I didn’t know what was going through my boyfriend’s head at this exact moment. Maybe he was just trying to calm the guys down, because they had a show looming. I can understand needing to be in the right mindset to get onstage…but Jesus, what the hell was he thinking?
I was starting to become a little frazzled with the situation myself and knew that Bree would be really pissed off, if I didn’t get out there with her soon. I started to walk towards the door, but thought better about it and walked back to Syn. I bent down to come face to face with him…
“I’m not going to pretend to know how you or anyone else in this room thinks or feels. But I am sure of one Goddamn thing here. You are absolutely correct in thinking that you do not deserve Bree or her love and devotion, because you don’t. But nothing I have ever said to her, or ever could say, is going to change the way she feels for you. I will promise you one thing though, Brian Haner…I am going to now make it my life’s mission to make sure that girl does NOT wait for you any longer. If you even thinking of hurting her, I will kill you. You damn well better decide what you’re going to be mature enough to handle from this point forward, and I suggest you make your decision quickly and wholeheartedly. And if you want her back in here, safe and sound, you best get your ass up off that chair and go out and tell her yourself.” With that, I exited the room in pretty much the same fashion as Bree had done earlier.