I ***ed up Again

"Where are you going? It's your day off." John groaned from the bed as I got up and started to put my makeup on.

"I've got to run to the store. Do you need anything?" I asked quietly since he had just woken up.

It was early. Earlier than I'd normally wake up on my day off, but the baby loved to move around while I was sleeping, so once I got up I just decided to stay up and be productive.

"Um...I don't know." He sighed as he turned over in the bed and went back to sleep.

After looking through pretty much every pair of shorts and jeans I owned, I finally found one pair of boyfriend fit shorts that still fit me. I made a mental note to go to Target for some maternity clothes. I finished getting ready as quietly as possible and slipped outside after eating a granola bar.

I started my car and took off towards my least favorite store in the world, Walmart, but I had to start saving money somehow.

I grabbed a cart and started looking through the fruits and vegetables first. As I walked over to the frozen food section to look for some popsicles, somebody bumped into my cart.

"Oh sorry-" They began.

I looked over and my eyes went wide.

"Hey." I whispered.

"...You're pregnant..." He said slowly.

"Yeah.." I replied nervously, hoping he wouldn't make a scene.

"Wow."

"Do you want to talk about-"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think we should." He nodded.

"Do you want to meet in the Starbucks after I check out?" I suggested.

He just nodded, obviously still in shock.

"Okay." I smiled nervously before pushing my cart past him.

After getting food, a few baby supplies, cat food, vitamins, and some things for John, I checked out and pushed my cart over to the in-store Starbucks where Josh was waiting for me.

"Hi again." I said as I sat down.

"Hey." He replied shortly as he sipped on his coffee. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine." I politely declined.

"So. Care to explain?" He asked. He was pissed. Who could blame him?

"Um, when I cheated, this happened. I wanted to tell you but you wouldn't listen." I admitted as I chipped at my nail polish.

"Whose is it?" He asked, not angrily, but kind of sadly.

"Josh..." I sighed.

"Is it John's?" He asked stoically.

"Josh-"

"Just tell me, Palmer. He moved out of my parents house, you have his favorite deodorant in your cart, and you two were always talking. It's his, isn't it?" He asked forcefully.

"Yeah, the baby is his. I'm so sorry, Josh. At the wedding I was upset and I was drinking, we both were and we never meant to hurt you or for it to happen. If you blame anyone, blame me. I initiated it." I sighed.

He stayed silent for a long time. I was getting scared before he finally let out a sad chuckle.

"I'm sorry." He finally said.

"...what?" I asked, not believing my ears.

"I'm sorry. I pretty much forced you to do that by being such a shitty boyfriend and now you're pregnant." He apologized.

"It's okay, Josh. I'm actually excited for the baby. We just weren't meant to work out, you know?" I said softly as I reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

"Yeah, of course you'd fall for John. Every girlfriend I've ever had liked him more. My mom even likes him more. John can get a million tattoos and swear like a sailor, but I'm a disappointment because I failed a few classes and disrespect my girlfriend. He's always been the golden boy and I thought maybe it'd be different with you, but it wasn't." He vented.

Guilty, I looked down at my lap.

"I'm so sorry, Josh. I really never knew." I frowned.

"I know. It's fine." He shrugged.

This is why he always wanted attention from women. He craved it because of low self-esteem he developed during childhood as he tried to live up to his brother.

"Josh, I know your mom adores you. I'm almost a mom and there's just something about being pregnant with your baby that creates this bond, and I know you and your mom have that bond. I've seen it. She loves John too, but she really loves you." I rambled.

"You're really excited for this, aren't you?" He asked as a small grin appeared on his face.

"Yeah." I answered.

"I'm happy for you." He said sincerely.

"What about-"

"It's going to take some more time, but I'll forgive him eventually. We're brothers, I have to. And look, I don't want there to be any bad blood when you have the kid." He told me.

"I don't either. It'd be best for everyone if we all just moved on like adults." I suggested.

"Yeah, so that's what we'll do. But, Palmer?" He asked. I hadn't noticed I was still holding his hand across the table until he gave it a light squeeze.

"Yeah?"

"Can we still be friends? I don't want you back or anything, but I just feel bad for being such a bad boyfriend and blowing my shot with someone so perfect."

"Josh..."

"I know, I know, you can say you're not perfect but we all know that you are." He laughed.

"I'd love to be friends."

That afternoon when I got home, John was waiting for me in the living room as I walked in the door. He helped me bring in and put away all the groceries then gave me a big hug that lifted me off the ground for a few seconds.

"Somebody's in a good mood." I laughed as I hugged him back.

"I'm happy to see you. You look gorgeous as always." He complimented.

"John," I sighed as I bit my lip.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"I...I ran into Josh at the store." I told him.

His eyes widened a little bit and he leaned back on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.

"And?" He asked.

"And we had coffee and I told him." I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"...What'd he say?" He asked.

"He apologized for being a bad boyfriend and said he was happy for me." I answered.

"Did he give you shit about mom favoring me?" He scoffed.

I just stared up at him.

"Come on, Palmer! You don't actually believe that, do you? It's just a bullshit sob story he tells. Mom lets him get away with everything! She always has because he's the baby. Sure, she talks to me more than she does him but that's because he's a douchebag and always bitches to her. I- fuck, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this." He frowned. "He just gets under my skin. He's taken a lot of things from me, but I don't want him to take you and the baby, Palmer."

"He won't, John." I promised.

"I really want to be a family someday." He told me softly as he stepped closer to me and tucked some hair behind my ear.

"Me too, but the time isn't right." I sighed.

"I know. I'll wait for you as long as I have to." He replied.

"I appreciate that." I nodded. "I really do."

"You're welcome." He smiled.

"I think maybe we should tell your parents." I suggested as I shifted nervously.

"I'll tell them, honey."

"No, I should-"

"Trust me. Just let me tell them." He said sternly.

"Alright." I agreed.

"Good. I'll go over now." He said before grabbing his keys and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I walked him to the door, and as he left I called out to him.

"John!"

"Yeah?" He asked as he turned to face me.

"Please don't get into a fight with him." I warned.

"I won't."

I waited for John to get back for an hour, then two, and after three I was getting very worried. When did my life become an episode of Jerry Springer?

Finally, he walked in the door after almost four hours. My worst fears were confirmed when I saw blood on his cut lip.

"Are you alright?" I asked as I sprung up from the couch.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He answered bitterly.

"What happened?" I asked before taking his hand and leading him into the bathroom. He took a seat in the side of the tub while I got my first aid kit out.

"I told my parents and they were pissed at first, but they're okay now. Then he came downstairs and started getting in my face so I pushed him, then he punched me and I left." He explained.

"You didn't hit him back?" I asked quietly.

"No. If I'm going to be a dad I need to start being responsible, and I knew if I hit him once, I wouldn't stop." He answered.

I dabbed the blood away and put a fresh band-aid on his lip.

"I'm so proud of you." I told him.

He smiled a little and stood up.

"Don't be. It was just the right thing to do." He said.

I wrapped my arms around him and leaned up to place a soft kiss on his lips. His arms instinctively wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. I forgot how amazing he was at kissing. In that moment I wanted to go a lot further, but I forced myself to pull away.

"Ow." I winced as I felt a jab in my side.

"Did I hurt you?" John asked nervously as he placed a hand on my belly.

"No, no. The baby just kicked me really hard." I told him.

"Do you think something's wrong?" He asked, looking me in the eyes.

"No, I just need to sit down. I've felt her move before, but never kick." I explained as he led me to the couch.

"Just relax, okay. I'll bring you something to drink." He said.

A second later he rushed back into the room.

"Did you say 'her'?" He asked with a big grin.

"Oh, it just slipped out. I don't really know." I chuckled at his excitement.

"Oh." He frowned. "Alright."

I wonder what sweetheart actually is.

Well, we'll find out soon I guess.