I ***ed up Again

"Palmer, please just spend Christmas with me?" He begged over the phone.

"I can't, John. I'm just going to go to the hospital and-"

"No, you're spending Christmas with me and that's that. I'll be at your place tonight and I'm staying over. I know you need me just as much as I need you right now." He said into the phone.

Truer words were never spoken. Since the day of my breakdown at the hospital, I had taken to purposely running into John when he would visit Peyton. She started gaining weight, which was a huge improvement. I didn't want to get my hopes up though. She still couldn't breathe on her own.

"Fine. You can come over." I reluctantly agreed.

"I love you, Palmer. It's going to be alright." He said in an attempt to comfort me.

"Goodbye John." I sighed before ending the call.

It wasn't that I didn't love him anymore, it's just that it was hard to say.

I was actually kind of glad he was coming over. I missed having him around. I missed it a lot, actually. I mean, anybody would miss the man they were in love with.

I figured that if he was coming over I would try to look somewhat decent. I showered, shaved my legs, put on makeup, and did my hair. It actually felt pretty good aside from the fact that the thought of Peyton spending her first Christmas in a hospital kept creeping into my brain.

I opened the door to the nursery and stared inside. I tried to avoid the room as much as possible, but I forced myself to step inside. I smiled at the pale pink on the wall and the princess themed mobile above the crib. John loved putting all of this together. He pretty much did the whole thing by himself. It was his first job as a dad and he loved it.

"What are you doing in here?" I heard from behind.

I jumped and spun around to face him.

"I didn't hear you come in." I said with a small smile.

"I know." He replied. "Why are you in here, Palmer? You're just torturing yourself."

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I just...I don't know."

He walked over to me slowly and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek.

"She's going to be okay. She's getting better." He whispered into my ear.

I just bit my lip and nodded, praying to God that he was right.

"Can we please go see her?" I asked.

"Of course." He nodded before lacing our fingers and pulling me out of the room.

When we arrived at the hospital, it was almost completely empty. I guess people didn't get as sick on Christmas Eve as they did every other day of the year.

We walked into Peyton's room where we were met with a team of nurses and doctors. I tried to ask what was going on, but I was pushed out of the room by a nurse who was saying something that I didn't catch.

I tried to go back in, but John stopped me.

"Just wait a minute. She'll be okay, I promise." He told me as he held me back by the waist.

"John-"

"Palmer, just stay calm, okay? Deep breaths."

I nodded and tried to breathe, but it was hard when my baby could be dying just mere feet away from me.

Eventually, John forced me to sit in the waiting room where my knees were bouncing due to nerves. He was rubbing my back and kissing my forehead, but nothing was working. This was the end.

"Palmer, I'm just as scared as you are but they're going to tell us soon what's up, so just relax." He told me in a calm voice.

"Bullshit. We would know by now if she was fine." I spat. "Those motherfucking cocksu-"

"O'Callaghans?" A doctor asked as he walked up to us in the waiting room.

"That's us." John replied, standing up with me to face the man.

"Peyton's breathing machine was damaged today, unbeknownst to the hospital staff. By the time we knew the machine had malfunctioned, it was too late-"

I gasped, not believing what I was hearing.

"She was already breathing on her own."

"Wait, what?" I asked, not believing my ears.

"Peyton is breathing on her own. We've run a few tests and her lungs are fully functioning. Her immune system still won't be okay for a few months, but I don't see why we couldn't let you hold her for a little while tonight." He grinned.

"She's okay?" John asked incredulously.

"She's got a clean bill of health as of right now." The doctor replied. "Merry Christmas."

"Thank you so much!" I cried, lunging forward to hug the man.

"It was nothing. I'm just glad she's alright." He smiled.

"So we can go see her now?" I asked excitedly.

"Sure. But we moved her from the ICU over to the regular unit. Congratulations Mr and Mrs O'Callaghan."

"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed, smiling for the first time in weeks.

"You're welcome. Peyton is a special little girl." He grinned.

"I know." John said before I grabbed his hand and drug him away. I was so excited that I couldn't hold myself back from running into Peyton's room.

There she was. Free from wires and machines for the first time in her life. She was so adorable and she was mine.

"I'm almost afraid to hold her." I chuckled.

"I know. She's so tiny." He marveled.

With shaking hands, I reached onto the bed and picked her up for the first time. I cradled her in my arms and rocked gently from side to side, just looking at her. I didn't realize how hard it was going all those weeks without her until she was in my arms.

"Hey Peyton." I cooed. She looked up at me with her big green eyes and grinned. "You're so freaking cute, sweetheart."

"She's adorable." John smiled, standing in front of me watching her every move.

"Do you want to hold her now?" I asked softly.

He nodded and held his arms out. I placed her in his arms gently, murmuring, "Careful," as I took my hands away.

His lanky stature made her appear so tiny in his arms. He gazed down at her and I knew that she would forever be a daddy's girl the way she looked up at him. She even wrapped her whole hand around his index finger and didn't let go.

"You've got a strong grip, little one." He laughed as he tried to pull his finger away. She giggled as he tugged, then started coughing. "Oh shit."

"She's fine." I told him right before her fit ended.

"Whoa. How'd you know?" He asked.

"I don't know." I replied, just as confused as he was.

"Mother's intuition." He joked.

"I guess so." I chuckled.

We spent the rest of the night playing with Peyton, until she fell asleep on John's chest. She was breathing softly with her little fists all balled up and her head resting in the crook of his neck. It was a beautiful sight.

I pulled my phone out and took a picture as he looked down at her.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"You two just look adorable." I replied.

"I love her so much." He whispered so he didn't wake her.

"Me too." I nodded, with tears in my eyes. "Merry Christmas."

"It's a very Merry Christmas." He agreed as he went to set her down on her bed. "Let's go grab some dinner." He suggested as he held his hand out for me.

"But-"

"We can come right back." He interrupted knowingly.

"Okay." I smiled, getting up and stretching while letting out a yawn.

We walked out of the hospital hand in hand as I leaned into John.

"You know Palmer, out of all the women in the world, you're the only one I would want to be the mother of my baby." He said as we walked through the parking lot.

"Is that a proposal?" I joked.

"Yeah." He said, stopping and getting down on one knee. "Palmer Marie Locklear, will you marry me?"