I ***ed up Again

After that night with John I knew I had to have a talk with Josh. The day he came home we got into a huge screaming match that ended with me crying and him promising to treat me better.

"Come on, baby. I told you I was sorry!" He cried.

"I don't care how sorry you are! I deserve better and I know someone who could give it to me!" I shouted.

"Baby, I didn't know you felt like that. I'm not a mind reader." He exclaimed.

"You shouldn't have to be. You should be considerate of my feelings and know when I'm upset." I replied. "But you just don't care."

"Baby, I'll change. You're right, but I don't want you to leave me." He begged, getting down on one knee and taking my hand in his. "You know I will. I don't wanna lose you."

"Do you promise?" I asked.

"I promise, baby." He smiled before giving me a kiss.

"Okay."

He had actually kept his word for two weeks straight. He would spend time with me outside of parties and he even bought me flowers one day, which he had never done before. Not even on Valentine's Day. Yes, life with Josh was definitely getting better, but John's words still stuck in the back of my mind.

"Baby, are you almost ready?" He called from my living room.

"Yeah, I just have one more curl." I told him as I wrapped my hair around the ceramic barrel.

He was waiting for me to get ready for his cousin Lisa's wedding, and he wasn't even angry with me for making him wait. I was wearing a black strapless dress with a lacey bust. Once I finished my hair I swiped a little blush on my cheeks and walked out into the living room, finding Josh on the couch watching television.

"I'm ready." I smiled, doing a subtle pose so that he would notice my outfit.

"What's with the cleavage? Who are you trying to impress?" He joked as he gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked out the front door. "Just kidding, it looks hot."

I faked a chuckle and followed him into the car. The ride to the wedding was long since it was in California. With it being so far away we were forced to book hotel rooms. Separate of course, because his grandparents were a bit traditional and I didn't want them to get the wrong idea.

The car ride was long and boring. We didn't talk much, just listened to the radio. I was grateful when we finally pulled in and entered the hotel where the wedding was. It was outdoors and we took our seats quickly because it was starting soon. I felt someone sit next to me, so I looked to my left and smiled.

"Hey stranger."

"Hey, how are you?" John asked with his perfect grin.

"I'm doing well. How about yourself?" I asked.

"I'm alright, thanks." He replied.

We had to stop talking once the minister started, but he quickly leaned over and whispered, "You look incredibly gorgeous."

My cheeks turned a dark shade of red and I looked over at him, mouthing a thank you.

I watched the rest of the beautiful ceremony without interruption, and it was wonderful. Lisa looked amazing as she walked down the isle and you could tell that the two were truly soul mates.

As we walked into the ball room for the reception, we made our way to the O'Callaghan table, as it was labeled. Seated there was Sarah, John IV, John, Josh, and I. We sat and watched the toasts which I guess would have been more entertaining if I knew the bride and groom personally, but it was still cute. Then we watched their first dance as a married couple to the Goo Goo Dolls Iris, which made me tear up a little bit. They looked so in love.

After that the music was pumping and people were dancing. Sarah and John IV got up to talk to some relatives which left just Josh, John, and I at the table.

"Hey baby, do you want a drink?" Josh asked.

"No thanks. I'm fine." I told with a small smile.

"Okay, well do you mind if I go dance for a little bit?" He asked.

"Um, sure. Go ahead." I answered, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Thanks baby." He smiled before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

I propped my elbows up on the table, rested my chin in my palm and looked at John.

"You guys still haven't said the L word yet, then?" He asked.

"No." I murmured.

He could tell that I was upset, so he changed the subject quickly.

"So Palmer, what's your dream wedding?" He asked, locking eyes with me.

I thought for a second before answering him.

"I just want to be walking down the isle to someone I love with all my heart, because for the rest of my life it won't matter what song played or what my dress looked like, because in the end, he's the only thing that will really last." I said with a sigh.

"Wow." Was all he could say. "That's not what I imagined you'd say."

"Oh really?" I asked, with an eyebrow raised. "What did you imagine I would say?"

"I, uh..." He trailed off, looking over my shoulder, distracted by something.

I turned around to see what he was looking at and immediately found it. Josh was grinding on one of the slutty looking bridesmaids. Tears started to well in my eyes and I avoided any eye contact with John as I turned back around.

"Here, have some champagne. It'll make you feel better." He offered nicely as he held out the glass for me.

"Thanks, but I'm not twenty-one." I told him.

"It doesn't matter. Just have some." He insisted.

"Okay." I said reluctantly as I took the glass and gulped down the liquid.

"You really do look beautiful, Palmer." He complimented.

"Thank you, John." I smiled, forgetting about my boyfriend.

"You're very welcome. I like seeing that pretty smile." He told me.

"Thanks." I blushed with a nervous laugh. "So why aren't you over there dancing with some bridesmaids?"

"Because the only girl that I want to be with is sitting right in front of me." He answered. "Why aren't you dancing?"

"I don't like to dance." I chuckled as I sipped another glass of champagne.

He was being so sweet. Why couldn't Josh be like this?

"Don't worry about him tonight." He stated.

"I won't." I nodded.

"Good. I hate seeing you upset over him." He told me as he took a swig on his drink.

After talking again about many things and a few more glasses of champagne, I had no choice but to resign to my room for the night.

"I'm gettin' a lil' drunk so I'd better head on upstairs." I said, excusing myself. I looked over my shoulder and narrowed my eyes at my boyfriend still chatting with that other girl.

"Let me walk you to your room." John offered as he pulled his coat from the back of his chair and placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the elevator.

"What if I pressed all the buttons?" I asked as we stepped in, before breaking out into a fit of giggles at the thought.

"That'd be pretty funny, Palm." He chuckled.

"You know, you're so handsome. You're like- it's hard to believe you're real because you're just so attractive." I gushed as I placed my hand on his upper arm.

"Thanks."

"And you're so nice too. You're probably the most kind, considerate, and sweet person I've ever met." I went on.

The elevator doors opened and he took me to my room, opening the door and helping me in. Once I found the bed, I got up and started bouncing on it and giggling again.

"Palmer, don't do that sweetheart, you're going to get hurt." He pleaded as he took my hand in his.

"Sweetheart?" I asked.

"Yeah, sorry. I-"

"No, I love it. All he ever calls me is 'babe' or 'baby', but I've never had a guy call me sweetheart." I rambled as I stepped off the bed.

Then, I don't know what came over me. I looked up into his eyes and pressed my lips to his. I expected him to push me off, but he did just the opposite. He kissed back and brought his hand up to my cheeks to deepen the liplock. Before long, my hands were tangled in his hair and I was slipping my tongue into his mouth.

"Palmer." He breathed as he pulled away.

"No. Don't say anything." I ordered as I unzipped my dress. "I want this and I know you do too."

And so, it happened.

That was a night of many firsts for me. It was the first time I'd ever been drunk, it was the first time I cheated on a boyfriend, and it was the first time I had sex.

It was hot and passionate. We were both moaning and groaning as our bodies worked in sync to satisfy our needs. The climax was explosive and hot for both of us, but by the end we were exhausted.

I slept in that bed without a single feeling of remorse that night. I wish I would have cherished it because it was the last time I ever slept without feeling guilty.