Lights Will Guide You Home
The How.
Brendon’s arm was around Ryan’s waist, helping the unsteady boy to walk. “We’re almost there.” he said quietly.
“H-Hurts.” the older boy choked out, tears standing in his eyes.
“I know.” Brendon said quietly. “I know, Ry. We’re almost there.”
“Don’t let go.”
“I won’t.”
What happened?
Just shut up, okay?
What the fuck happened?
Shut up!
What happened to him?
None of your fucking business!
Like hell!
Shut up!
“Fuck.”
“Hurt?” Ryan turned his head to see Brendon sitting on the other bed, watching TV, still in his clothes from the night before.
“Like a bitch.”
“First time?” the younger boy asked, trying to keep his tone mild.
“. . . yeah.”
“How drunk were you?”
“Pretty damn.”
Brendon nodded slowly before finally turning to look at the other boy. “You should take a bath.”
“Why a bath?” Ryan asked, hugging his pillow tightly to his chest.
“Helps with the pain.” Brendon said, looking at the TV again.
“So, you . . .” Ryan let the question trail off.
“Yeah.” Brendon said quietly. He bit his lip and tapped his fingers on his thigh for a minute, looking out the window in silence. “You, uh . . . did he, um . . . use protection?”
There was a pause and Ryan traced his fingers across the floral design on the bedspread, biting the inside of his cheek, eyebrows furrowed. “I . . . I don’t know. Probably not.”
“You know, you should—”
“Yeah.”
So how about that party last night?
Shut up.
We saw you go upstairs. You hook up?
Shut up.
Come on, man. She can’t have been that ugly.
Brendon, make him shut up. Please?
“I did it again.”
“What?”
Ryan stepped into the room, arms pulled against his chest, fists balled under his chin. “I did it again.” he said in a small voice, staring at the floor.
“Did what?” Brendon asked, waving his hand as if expecting the answer to fall into it.
“Got fucked.” Ryan took a few steps and fell onto his bed. “What’s wrong with me, Bren?”
“You’re gay? Just a guess, but, you know . . .”
“No, I mean . . . why am I having sex with people I don’t know?” The boy squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily, trying not to cry.
“Ry . . .” Brendon set his laptop down and crawled off his bed, kneeling on the floor and putting his hand on the side of Ryan’s face, letting his fingers gently stroke the other boy’s hair. “I . . . I don’t know. Maybe ‘cause she cheated? A whole lack of love psychological thing, maybe?”
“I’m scared.” Ryan whispered. “I’m scared I’m going to walk into something bad.” One tear leaked out of his eye and down his cheek, wetting his top lip. He opened his eyes and stared up at Brendon, irises shining. “Help me.”
The younger boy took a shaky breath before leaning forward and pressing his lips against his friend’s forehead. “What do you want me to do, Ry?”
“I don’t know.”
Jesus, you look like hell.
Shut up.
Well, you do. Late night?
If I say yes, will you go away?
No.
Then no. Now go away.
What crawled up your ass and died?
Brendon, make him go away.
“What are you doing?”
“I had a bad dream.”
Brendon opened his eyes to see Ryan staring at him, body hidden under the covers, head resting beside his on the white hotel pillow, eyes wide, the lights of the city reflected in the pupils. “What about?”
“I don’t remember. You don’t mind, do you?”
“No.”
Ryan’s hand slid up from under the sheet, sliding over Brendon’s palm before intertwining with the other boy’s fingers. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Brendon?
Yeah?
I love you.
“H-Hurts.” the older boy choked out, tears standing in his eyes.
“I know.” Brendon said quietly. “I know, Ry. We’re almost there.”
“Don’t let go.”
“I won’t.”
What happened?
Just shut up, okay?
What the fuck happened?
Shut up!
What happened to him?
None of your fucking business!
Like hell!
Shut up!
“Fuck.”
“Hurt?” Ryan turned his head to see Brendon sitting on the other bed, watching TV, still in his clothes from the night before.
“Like a bitch.”
“First time?” the younger boy asked, trying to keep his tone mild.
“. . . yeah.”
“How drunk were you?”
“Pretty damn.”
Brendon nodded slowly before finally turning to look at the other boy. “You should take a bath.”
“Why a bath?” Ryan asked, hugging his pillow tightly to his chest.
“Helps with the pain.” Brendon said, looking at the TV again.
“So, you . . .” Ryan let the question trail off.
“Yeah.” Brendon said quietly. He bit his lip and tapped his fingers on his thigh for a minute, looking out the window in silence. “You, uh . . . did he, um . . . use protection?”
There was a pause and Ryan traced his fingers across the floral design on the bedspread, biting the inside of his cheek, eyebrows furrowed. “I . . . I don’t know. Probably not.”
“You know, you should—”
“Yeah.”
So how about that party last night?
Shut up.
We saw you go upstairs. You hook up?
Shut up.
Come on, man. She can’t have been that ugly.
Brendon, make him shut up. Please?
“I did it again.”
“What?”
Ryan stepped into the room, arms pulled against his chest, fists balled under his chin. “I did it again.” he said in a small voice, staring at the floor.
“Did what?” Brendon asked, waving his hand as if expecting the answer to fall into it.
“Got fucked.” Ryan took a few steps and fell onto his bed. “What’s wrong with me, Bren?”
“You’re gay? Just a guess, but, you know . . .”
“No, I mean . . . why am I having sex with people I don’t know?” The boy squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily, trying not to cry.
“Ry . . .” Brendon set his laptop down and crawled off his bed, kneeling on the floor and putting his hand on the side of Ryan’s face, letting his fingers gently stroke the other boy’s hair. “I . . . I don’t know. Maybe ‘cause she cheated? A whole lack of love psychological thing, maybe?”
“I’m scared.” Ryan whispered. “I’m scared I’m going to walk into something bad.” One tear leaked out of his eye and down his cheek, wetting his top lip. He opened his eyes and stared up at Brendon, irises shining. “Help me.”
The younger boy took a shaky breath before leaning forward and pressing his lips against his friend’s forehead. “What do you want me to do, Ry?”
“I don’t know.”
Jesus, you look like hell.
Shut up.
Well, you do. Late night?
If I say yes, will you go away?
No.
Then no. Now go away.
What crawled up your ass and died?
Brendon, make him go away.
“What are you doing?”
“I had a bad dream.”
Brendon opened his eyes to see Ryan staring at him, body hidden under the covers, head resting beside his on the white hotel pillow, eyes wide, the lights of the city reflected in the pupils. “What about?”
“I don’t remember. You don’t mind, do you?”
“No.”
Ryan’s hand slid up from under the sheet, sliding over Brendon’s palm before intertwining with the other boy’s fingers. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Brendon?
Yeah?
I love you.