She'll Be The Death Of Me

"He broke his fucking arm?" Shay yelled when she saw the blue cast on J's arm.

"Shay, relax! Gosh." John shook his head and sighed. "He fell out of his playpen right after you left."

"John!" she yelled, flailing her arms around. "How did he manage to fall out of his playpen?"

"Mommy, I tried to climb out to see daddy cuz he didn't answer me and he was talkin to you!" JJ squealed.

Shay walked over and knelt down before him. She grabbed his head and kissed his forehead. "Don't do that ever again! You could get really hurt, J."

"I know, mommy. I know. I broked my arm!"

Shay sighed. "I see that, J."

"See, it wasn't my fault, Shay!" John whined.

"Shut up, John."

"Fine," he sighed. "Hey, Shay? I have some news."

"Good or bad?" she asked with a hand on her hip and one eyebrow raised.

"Good for me, and bad for me and you."

"Spill."

John ran his hands through his hair and looked at her in the eyes. "We're going on tour for 3 months next week."

"Are you... joking?"

John shook his head. "I wish I was, babe."

"Well, where are you going?" Shay hated when John left. She felt like he was missing out on the kids, and she had the burden of both of them to herself.

John took a deep breath and looked at his feet. "Europe."

Shay thought she was going to pass out. "Oh... Oh, wow. That's far," she said as she stifled a small laugh.

"You know if it was my choice, we'd play Phoenix every night for a year, right?" He sighed. "I wish that was the case."

"No, John, this is what you love to do. This is your life. You go out and have fun, okay?"

"I know, but it's so hard leaving you all behind. You're all my new life."

"Music was there for you before I was. It'll always be there."

John pulled Shay into a hug and he kissed the top of her head. "Thank you."

Shay looked up and smiled at him. She kissed his lips and giggled. "You're welcome."

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Time flies by when you're with the people you love. Every moment passes by before you have the chance to assess it. 7 days was not a long time. 7 days was not long enough for John to spend with Shay, and for the O'Callaghan family to be together. 3 months without the ones he loved was too long. The moments would walk by at glacier pace, and leave too much time to haunt John with memories. Every night, he would lie awake in his bunk, dreaming of what Shay was doing halfway across the world. What did she have for dinner? Were the kids giving her a rough time? There wasn't even phone service for him in Europe. He would have have to resort to simply internet, where he could find it. Most people think that being a musician is 'the life,' but little did they know. Being a musician means putting your life in the hands of the industry. Do people like your music? Do people like you? Do people put you on a pedestal and do you become a sex symbol? There were too many factors. Yeah, you have a major influence on your fan base. It's up to you to use it to your best ability, though.

As much as he enjoyed writing his own lyrics and singing his heart out, John hated his job so much. It tore him away from his family and home. On tour, there was no home. His home was his band. His band was by no means concrete. They fought on occasion, leaving John homeless; crammed on a bus with a bunch of strangers. John could laugh and joke with his band members. They were his friends. Sometimes, though, he just felt like he didn't belong. He couldn't quite put a finger on it. That's probably why he resorted to alcohol. Liquid confidence was what it was. It allowed him to loosen up and become carefree around the people he felt like a stranger to. That was the John everyone was friends with. The John that cracked obscene jokes and danced his ass off with random people and caused a scene. Was that who he really was? In a sense, you could say it partially was. It was 'drunk John.' Who was just plain 'John', then? John was the boy that Shay fell in love with. John was the person he could be around Shay without worrying about what she thought. That John was home.

They say that home is where the heart is. Maybe The Maine wasn't home for him at all, then.