Status: RIP Ryan Dunn
Barrowed Time - Completed
New Neighbors
"Lexii answer the damn door" I herd my fathers latest wife (number three) Tammy call from upstairs
"Bitch it just rang! Go AIDS and die!" I screamed as I answered the door "Hello and welcome to the lovely Brooks home. What the fuck do you want?" I smiled with fake cheer
"I'm Brandon Margera, I'm your new neighbor. This is my friend Ryan Dunn, and this here is my other friend Brandon Novack, but I like to go by BAM." One of the boys introduced pointing to the two who accompanied him as he mentioned their name
"Your point?" I asked
"My mom sent us over here with pie."
"Let me guess, but you already ate it, and would like to drop the dish off so your mother doesn't know?"
"Would we have gotten away with that?!" He asked astonished
"No." I said flatly "now I will ask you one last time, what z fuck do you want"
"I was hoping we could come in if you don't mind, to get away from the furry of Ape when she finds out what we did to the house." BAM explained
I narrowed my eyes at him for a moment before moving out of the way so the three boys could come in.
"What did you do." I asked
"I switched all the condiments, and put them all in different containers." he smiled like his prank was genius.
"Eh that's nothing, next time you wanna really piss someone off paint the house blue."
"OH MY GOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! Umm where do I set this?" he said holding the pie up
"Bring it here" I said taking a knife out of the drawer. Once he set the pan down I cut the pie into four large slices and went to grab forks.
"That's it you're only going to cut it into fours?" Ryan asked.
"A wise man once told me that if you cut a pie more than four times you ruin it." I said placing the forks on the counter and taking a bite.
"Well aren't you gonna eat any?" I asked when I noticed the three of them staring at me.
"Hell yes." Bam smiled digging into the apple pie.
"Where did ya move from?" he asked.
"California."
"What brings you here?" Novack asked.
"My fathers third marriage." I said crinkling my nose in disgust.
"Lexii darling who are out guests." Tammy said coming down stairs.
"Tammy this is our new neighbor BAM and his friends Ryan and Novack." I introduced pointing to the boys sitting around the island.
"Oh please hunny for the hundredth time call me mom!" Tammy smiled causing me to choke on pie to which Ryan patted me on the back while Bam passed me a bottle of water.
"Thanks" I whispered when I was able to breathe again.
"What the fuck was that?!" Bam asked once Tammy had left the room.
"That woman is the biggest fucking cunt on the face of this planet. She hates me, that was fucking scary." I said looking perplexed.
"I'd tap that." Novack announced.
"And you'd get herpe.s" I retorted and we all laughed after a moment of silence.
"So what did you do in Cali?" Ryan asked.
"Fixed some cars with my older brother who's living by himself now, thinks he's gonna make the big time as some drummer it's kind of funny, skateboard, surf, you know the normal shit." I told him.
"My brothers a drummer for CKY." Bam told me.
"Cool. They're pretty bitchin."
"You listen to CKY?!" the three boys exclaimed.
"Well yea, am I not suppose to?" I asked.
"Well they aren't popular." Bam said.
"The beauty of myspace my friend is you get to listen to shit no one else does and some old shit that no one likes, like GWAR." I told him.
"Can I adopt you?" Bam asked causing me to laugh.
"You like GAWR I take it?" I laughed sipping some water.
"He would marry GWAR." Ryan said causing my face to contort and the three boys to laugh.
"What else do you like?" Novack asked.
"I like Turbonegro, but I'll listen to anything and pretty much everything really, except for some rap and pop. I'm really not into that shit too much." I told him.
"Marry me?" Bam said causing me to laugh.
"I don't think you're my type." I told him.
"What is your type?" Novack asked.
"Not you." Bam retorted.
"Hey, don't talk to him like that!" I said smacking him upside the head.
"What was that for?" Ryan asked nonchalantly.
"I have a low tolerance for putdowns."
"Why?" Bam asked.
"I was bullied all threw school back in Cali."
"What do you mean?" Novack asked.
"I was beat up and called names almost every day. It got so bad one day my brother had to drive me to the hospital."
"Well that wont happen here, you've got us to watch your back." Ryan said
"Thanks." smiled.
"I think we're gonna get along great." Bam smiled throwing an arm over my shoulder.
"I think so too." I smiled.
"Bitch it just rang! Go AIDS and die!" I screamed as I answered the door "Hello and welcome to the lovely Brooks home. What the fuck do you want?" I smiled with fake cheer
"I'm Brandon Margera, I'm your new neighbor. This is my friend Ryan Dunn, and this here is my other friend Brandon Novack, but I like to go by BAM." One of the boys introduced pointing to the two who accompanied him as he mentioned their name
"Your point?" I asked
"My mom sent us over here with pie."
"Let me guess, but you already ate it, and would like to drop the dish off so your mother doesn't know?"
"Would we have gotten away with that?!" He asked astonished
"No." I said flatly "now I will ask you one last time, what z fuck do you want"
"I was hoping we could come in if you don't mind, to get away from the furry of Ape when she finds out what we did to the house." BAM explained
I narrowed my eyes at him for a moment before moving out of the way so the three boys could come in.
"What did you do." I asked
"I switched all the condiments, and put them all in different containers." he smiled like his prank was genius.
"Eh that's nothing, next time you wanna really piss someone off paint the house blue."
"OH MY GOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! Umm where do I set this?" he said holding the pie up
"Bring it here" I said taking a knife out of the drawer. Once he set the pan down I cut the pie into four large slices and went to grab forks.
"That's it you're only going to cut it into fours?" Ryan asked.
"A wise man once told me that if you cut a pie more than four times you ruin it." I said placing the forks on the counter and taking a bite.
"Well aren't you gonna eat any?" I asked when I noticed the three of them staring at me.
"Hell yes." Bam smiled digging into the apple pie.
"Where did ya move from?" he asked.
"California."
"What brings you here?" Novack asked.
"My fathers third marriage." I said crinkling my nose in disgust.
"Lexii darling who are out guests." Tammy said coming down stairs.
"Tammy this is our new neighbor BAM and his friends Ryan and Novack." I introduced pointing to the boys sitting around the island.
"Oh please hunny for the hundredth time call me mom!" Tammy smiled causing me to choke on pie to which Ryan patted me on the back while Bam passed me a bottle of water.
"Thanks" I whispered when I was able to breathe again.
"What the fuck was that?!" Bam asked once Tammy had left the room.
"That woman is the biggest fucking cunt on the face of this planet. She hates me, that was fucking scary." I said looking perplexed.
"I'd tap that." Novack announced.
"And you'd get herpe.s" I retorted and we all laughed after a moment of silence.
"So what did you do in Cali?" Ryan asked.
"Fixed some cars with my older brother who's living by himself now, thinks he's gonna make the big time as some drummer it's kind of funny, skateboard, surf, you know the normal shit." I told him.
"My brothers a drummer for CKY." Bam told me.
"Cool. They're pretty bitchin."
"You listen to CKY?!" the three boys exclaimed.
"Well yea, am I not suppose to?" I asked.
"Well they aren't popular." Bam said.
"The beauty of myspace my friend is you get to listen to shit no one else does and some old shit that no one likes, like GWAR." I told him.
"Can I adopt you?" Bam asked causing me to laugh.
"You like GAWR I take it?" I laughed sipping some water.
"He would marry GWAR." Ryan said causing my face to contort and the three boys to laugh.
"What else do you like?" Novack asked.
"I like Turbonegro, but I'll listen to anything and pretty much everything really, except for some rap and pop. I'm really not into that shit too much." I told him.
"Marry me?" Bam said causing me to laugh.
"I don't think you're my type." I told him.
"What is your type?" Novack asked.
"Not you." Bam retorted.
"Hey, don't talk to him like that!" I said smacking him upside the head.
"What was that for?" Ryan asked nonchalantly.
"I have a low tolerance for putdowns."
"Why?" Bam asked.
"I was bullied all threw school back in Cali."
"What do you mean?" Novack asked.
"I was beat up and called names almost every day. It got so bad one day my brother had to drive me to the hospital."
"Well that wont happen here, you've got us to watch your back." Ryan said
"Thanks." smiled.
"I think we're gonna get along great." Bam smiled throwing an arm over my shoulder.
"I think so too." I smiled.
♠ ♠ ♠
Just a note I have actually had a teacher tell me that if you cut a pie more then four times you've ruined it he's a nutThanks for reading