Can't Dream Without You

I was packed up and ready to leave Maryland. I still couldn’t believe that I was actually gonna start my life over in the OC so far from home. As I was loading up the last couple of boxes an old photo album fell to the floor, as I opened it tears filled my eyes. The first page the picture staring back at me, me and my best friend for years, Benji, oh how I missed him. He was the only one I could talk to about anything and everything, until he moved away with his brother to get a head start on the band. And now he’s up there in the rock life. I don’t blame him for not calling back after messages I left. I just gave up. I put the album back before I would start crying again and upset my mom.
“Mandy? What’s wrong sweetheart” my mom said as she wiped a tear.
“Nothing, just cant get over how much I’m gonna miss home,” I lied.
“Oh honey we will always welcome you back with open arms, whenever you have the need just come home” She hugged me.
I buried my face in her shoulder and let it all out. All I could think of was the big change that was happening and the only person that could help me through it was nowhere to be found. As I got into the cab to head to the airport I waved at my mom and pulled out my cell. Making the call I swore I would never make again. To Benji.
“Hey you’ve reached Benj, I’m probably in the studio or hung-over so leave me a message and I’ll get back to you” Oh how I dreaded that voicemail, but I was glad to hear his voice.
“Hey Benj…. Its Mandy, I’m heading to California, Long Beach.” I laughed. “Give me a call back when you hear this. I miss my bff…” I choked. “Love you.”
That was all I could say. And all I could think of was if he could hear the cry.
As I got off the plane I let out a sigh. “At least I have a place to stay” I said to myself. I took a cab to my new house because clearly it was not a home… yet.
As I got out I paid the cab driver “Thanks. I don’t have enough for a tip I’m sorry” I said to her. “Its ok dear. Be safe. You have much more to worry about then to give me a tip. How about I give you one, the first night is not as bad as you think is would be. Long Beach is a great place and your friend will call don’t worry” She said with a smile and drove off.
How did she know?
I opened the door glad to see all my stuff was in place. All I needed to do was unpack all the boxes. Great. I would get that started tomorrow. I locked the doors walked to the bathroom and took a shower to relax myself and get ready for bed.
As I got out and walked to my room I saw the light flashing on my phone that I had just thrown on the bed. I had a voicemail. I figured it was my mom checking up on me. I had forgotten to call her when I landed.
“You have one new message” I was already prepared to hear my mom exaggerating on the other end. “New message”. “Hey Mandy!!!!!!! I got your message! Where the hell are you?! Call me back ASAP!!!!! Love you ma lady!”
I dropped the phone. It was Benji. He had finally called me back!!! I was shocked, excited, sad, every emotion in the book you name it! I got dressed, picked my phone back up and made the call.
It rang three times before he answered. “Hellooooo!”
I couldn’t get a word out. He had never answered before.
“Mandy????” He asked. “Hey you there?”
“Yeah I’m here” I finally let out.
“Hey!!! So when did you land? Where are you? I wanna see you its been years girl!” He kept babbling on and on before I cut him off.
“Hey hey hey calm down one question at a time” I laughed.
“Haha sorry, so tell me, whats up?” He asked.
“Well…” I started out. “I landed about an hour ago. I’m in my new home now just trying to get things organized. Where are you?” I said.
“Wow that’s good. I’m just a small drive away. I’m Huntington hanging out with my buds. You know. Avenged Sevenfold” He said like it was no big deal. But it was to me. I loved them!! And he knew that. We when would talk everyday a couple years ago I had mentioned this new band that had come out and how I was absolutely in love with the guitarist.
“WHAT!!!!” Was all I could say.
He laughed. Oh how I missed that laugh. “Calm down! Haha. Give me your address I’m coming right now!”
“Are you serious????”
“Yes! I finally can have you in my arms again! I missed my little sister!”
I smiled. I haven’t heard him call me that in forever. I gave him the address and we said our goodbyes. He would be on his way.
It hit me. “He’s coming!” I yelled. I started putting as much as I could away and cleaning up. I hung up some pictures and the only one I knew he would see when he walked in was of me and him all full of mud when we got stuck on one of our riding trips. It was our most memorable day. The happiest and saddest day. When he told me he would be leaving. I let out a tear, but fought the rest. It didn’t matter anymore. I had him back and that’s I wouldn’t let him leave again.
I sat down nervous and anxious. I heard a knock at the door. I jumped up and ran over to it and flung it open. There stood Benji. A hot, buff Benji. I almost didn’t recognize him. He looked so different in person then the pictures I would see of him or on tv. I jumped into his arms and cried.
“Hey its ok.” He said as he held me and rubbed my back. “What’s wrong?”
I stepped back.
“What’s wrong?” I bit back. Wiping the tears as anger filled my body.
I pushed him.
“You’re what’s wrong Benjamin!” He looked shocked. He knew he was in trouble when I called him that.
“You left me! And you stopped returning my calls! You forgot all about me! Its been hard all these years with you gone! My dad died and you didn’t even bother to return my call then and comfort me!!! I needed you!!” I cried as I walked away.
I heard the door close and felt strong arms around my waist. He put his chin on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered.
I turned to face him and hugged him. Burying myself in his chest and let it all out. I never felt this safe in a long time. I was back in my comfort zone. I pulled back and looked up at him. His eyes full of sadness and regret. He wiped my tears.
“I’m so sorry Mandy. I wanted so bad to call you, to see you, to hear your voice, but I couldn’t the guilt of leaving you was too much. But I’m here now. Here to stay. Next to you, to watch over you just like when we were kids.” He kissed my forehead and pulled me back into a tight hug.
He pushed me away laughing and walked away. “No fucking way!” He laughed as he pulled the picture of our muddy adventure off the wall. “I remember this! You whooped my ass because we got stuck.”
“Yeah. Cuz you SWORE you knew your way around the place. It was a faster way to get home.” I laughed as I smacked him in the gut. He cringed over.
“Ow! I see you still got fight in you” He laughed.
I rolled up my sleeves and put my fists up. “Hell yes I do. Come on show me what you got!”
He stared at me and grabbed my arms. “What the fuck? All tatted up now aren’t we? Looks hot though I gotta admit” He smiled.
I threw a punch. “Shut up!” He picked me up, threw me over his shoulder and onto the couch as he lost his balance and fell over. “Same ol’ clumsy Benji!” I laughed at him as he rolled around on the ground laughing at himself too. Just like old times. I smiled.
We talked for hours and hours until his phone rang.
“What’s up bro?” He answered. “Nah I’m still hanging out with Mandy.” “Haha nah bro she’s like my little sister. We’re just catching up.”
I shuttered at the thought. Me and Benji? Eww. I laughed at whoever would think that. They clearly didn’t know us.
“Alright man! I’ll ask her. I know she would looove too” He exaggerated looking over at me with a smile and hung up. He walked over to me and grabbed my arm.
“Come on lets go” He said pulling me off the couch.
“What? Where?”
“To Zacky’s. the guys wanna meet you”
I stopped.
“No! I’m not going anywhere looking like this! Especially to meet them! Hell fucking no Benji!!”
“You look fine! Don’t worry. Beautiful as ever!’ He smiled.
“Ok fine” I gave in to his smile.
We walked out the door got in his car and drove off. The longest drive of my life!