I Can Use Some Guiding Light

"Honey this is mom." The machine started after the beep. "Just calling to check up on you. Haven't heard from you in awhile. Love and miss you." The machine beeped again starting the message was over. "Honey it's me again, the real reason I was calling was that I was hoping you'd come have dinner with us. We miss you so much." The beeping enter the air again, before the room was silent. Pressing a button I erased all evidences that she had called.

Dinner. That was a laugh. Ever since my father told me I was a brat and he wanted nothing to do with me till I grew up, I hadn't seen or heard from them. And I really didn't want to see them now.

My grandfather had been a very successful entrepreneur, but died before his dream could come true. My father was young and thought he could make a quick buck or two off my grandfather's idea. But no one wanted to pay for the commitment it took, or the money. So my father decided to give it a try. It was hard for him at first but because my grand dad had done most of the work and put a lot of money into it, it was easier for my dad to finish and get paid for it. But once he was finished with getting started he decided that he was going to continue doing. Making it bigger and better, changing it to be what you wanted, upgrading.

That's always what my dad did. When I was a kid my imagination was wild. But not wild enough. He'd push me to be better, and it wasn't like oh his just trying to inspire me. It was you can do better. Like I always had to be upgraded. Like it was my best, but tomorrow it wasn't. It didn't matter what it was; painting, music, writing, hell even driving.

Finally I snapped told him where to shove it, then hid in my room. I was sixteen then. I started dying my hair, listening to thing that I liked, and doing what I wanted.

For two years it seemed like my parent's didn't have a kid. I wasn't the daughter anymore I was just her shell walking around with a robot controlling me.

My father decided when I was eighteen that he'd finally let me know just how he felt. So he took me in his office and flat out told me, "If you can't get your life together I don't want anything to do with you." He then went on to tell me that I wasn't going to receive anything, no help for college, no money, and as far as will goes my name was no where on it.

I was fine with all that, until reality hit me hard. I had a car, and wasn't stupid I stuck back a lot of money into my checking account so I wasn't poor. And no my dad had no way of getting a hold of it, it was like my allowance money or money I'd earned.

I'd got a studio apartment, really small. But it wasn't that expensive, or in a bad neighborhood. So I liked it for what it was. A small one room place. The bathroom to the left of the door, kitchen across from that, and the living room and bedroom where combined. My bed was one of those pull downs that was very uncomfortable but I loved it. And the couch was a bench that would normally sit at the foot of the bed but when the bed was put up it was in the middle of the room. It looked awkward at first, but it was my home. And I loved it.

As far as college, never went. Job. Well I was a lot of things; a dog walker, daycare, and painter. That was in till I met Max, he was sweet and out going. He help me get my tattooing and piercing license. We then decide we'd open a shop together. I put down all I had, on one condition thou, I had controlling power over the store. Kinda like he had one third and I had two thirds.

Things went on good for awhile, Max and my friend ship turned into bf and gf but that was very short lived. Max was a partier; like girls, money, and drugs. I dumped him. He got pissed and quit the store, only showing ever now and then when he wanted money.

Thing for me looked better for now that is. Living in a run down studio, driving a pos but I loved my life. My job was great, my life not so much, but I had forever to get that straighten out.

No one controlling me.

No one telling me who to be.

Just being me.

Just same old Kori.