That Girl

"Jeannie," Jack murmured to his girlfriend as we stood side stage as an acoustic act finished up. The girl was talented, I had to admit, but all of her songs had the same, whiny message about lost love. She had to know that she was capable of more, and, oh, I was just taking my anger out on her and being overly-critical to distract myself. She was just really good and I was really bitter.

"Yeah, Jacks?" She turned from her conversation with Flyzik about how she was able to tame the Lebanese guitarist. The two of them were blushing as Jeannie finally admitted that her method was something that only worked if Flyzik and Jack were gay together. That shut up the cheeky tour manager.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

I saw the hint of uncertainty flash in her eyes and I stared down my friend until she made eye contact with me, giving her the most reassuring look I could as she excused herself from her previous conversation. I elbowed Jack in the ribs, ignoring his wince as I hissed, "You can't say it like that, Jack. She's going to take it the wrong way."

Jack swore, rubbing his ribs with a frown, "Alright, but don't be elbowing me in the ribs next time. We'll be back in a minute."

He was going to do the dedication, I was hoping that they'd do a cover; I'd been not-so-subtly uninvited from their practices this last week. It might have been because of the whole prom thing, and might've also had to do with the fact that I'd been spending more time around Ryan because I'd had to basically get down on my knees and beg to make it up to Brendon.

The singer could be merciless when it came to being able to hold guilt over your head until you basically volunteered to be in his indentured servitude for the rest of your existence.

"Hey Stella?" A voice interrupted my internal ramble.

"Yeah?" I responded, childishly crossing my arms across my chest and cocking a hip. I refused to turn and face him.

"I'm sorry about before," Ryan let out a heavy breath, "I'm just kind of on-edge."

"On-edge about what?" I asked rhetorically, eyes finally meeting his as I spun around, "Alex and I are finally getting along and have moved past being assholes to each other?"

Ryan frowned slightly, "Something like that."

"Something like that." I echoed disbelievingly, "Ryan, tell me why the hell you're being this way. Tell me why the hell you're even here, because I know that you boys are meant to have flown out two days ago, and you could've dropped the phone off at the house."

"What-."

"And cut the bullshit, Ry, I know when you're lying and when you're about to tell a lie."

Ryan hesitated for a moment, "Brendon said that Alex was into you-."

"And you're trusting Brendon's speculation?" I asked disbelievingly, "He also said that you were basically in love with me during the tour, Ryan."

"Yeah, he did," Ryan agreed with a tone I couldn't quite recognize, giving me a look.

"Well, that wasn't true," I stated, about ready to roll my eyes, "so what make you think that Brendon's right this time around?"

Ryan stared hard at me for a moment, his jaw set for a moment before he opened his mouth to respond:

"Hey, Stell," Alex shot me a smile as he walked up the steps to the stage level, appearing from the hallway that led to the green room, "Are you up for Remembering Sunday tonight?"

I nodded as his smile morphed into a scowl at the sight of Ryan.

"What's up, man? You going to stay for the show?"

I could hear the passive-aggressive tone in his voice, so I interrupted before he and Ryan started a stare down that would end up throwing Alex off for the entire set, "Ryan was just leaving, actually."

"Alright," Alex stepped toward me, hugging me despite the fact that his guitar was slung across his torso, "be here for the fifth song, Jack's doing the dedication to Jeannie."

I mumbled a sound of agreement as his cheek brushed against my temple, "I'm going to walk Ryan out."

He gave me a thumbs up before Matt shoved Jack into him, yelling at the pair to get onto the stage and start their set already.

"Come on," I nodded my head towards the exit, "let's take a walk, Ry."

He wordlessly agreed, pursing his lips as we headed for the hallway and back towards the door leading out of the building. I didn't want to miss too much of the boys' set, so I shoved the door open as quickly as possible.

"Look," I said, letting out a heavy exhale as we paused in our position beneath the lights on the side that indicated that this was a smoking zone, "I don't know what you're trying to say, and I really don't want to know, because I know that it'll just throw all of us off. I know that I'm normally that last one who wants to stay blissfully ignorant, but I'm electing for that this time around."

"That's not really your choice, Stella."

"But it is."

"But it's not. I stayed because I don't trust this Alex guy, and because Brendon's always right."

"Alex does not like me." I said flatly, glaring at Ryan and crossing my arms across my chest. He gave me one of his sassy incredulous looks. "Alright," I conceded, "maybe he does, but you never liked me."

"You want to test that theory?"

"Oh, bullshit, Ryan. You and I both know that I was just that annoying teenager that was stressing out all the time and stupidly trying to bear the weight of four careers on her ba-."

Ryan had always had this clever way of shutting people up. On the brief stint where I'd gone with them on tour, if I started ranting I'd get blankets and pillows thrown at my face (the boys had spectacular aim), and one time Ryan had almost thrown his Guitar Hero controller at me, but this was a new one.

And it was also one that was never and still isn't allowed.

Because I didn't want physical evidence that Ryan did actually use just the right amount of chap stick, especially not right on my mouth.

Ryan had kissed me, and for a moment I couldn't pull myself away because Ryan was a good kisser. And I mean really good. He should teach a class or write a book or something.

The good thing was though, that Ryan, despite being pushy about his beliefs, was not a pushy kisser. He just had me there like that, my lip between either of his, his thumb rubbing on my jawline and his palm against the side of my neck while his fingers brushed he hair at the base of my neck. It wasn't some trite moment where I suddenly melted like a puddle and my frigid heart suddenly started pumping something other than ice through my veins.

No, I was still the same frigid, insensitive bitch that I was before, but the shock of Ryan doing something like this resulted in my eyes snapping shut and my hand resting on his sleeved forearm whose hand was currently occupied with brushing the hair off of my shoulder.

To my surprise, he was the one to break it. I mean, he pressed his lips against mine again for another second and then just stepped back, and then I realized that I was frozen and really needed to open my eyes, both literally and figuratively.

I decided to go in alphabetical order, because I knew for a fact that if I took one look at Ryan, I'd probably do something completely irrational and stupid. "So Brendon was right then." I wasn't sure if that came out as a question or a statement.

"Yeah."

"But not completely right?" I knew that if I started getting my other senses involved in this situation then I was going to end up writing a song about it, which would be incredibly insensitive and rude. I was met with a pause, "I mean, you might've liked me, but you were never in love with me."

"That's debatable." He let out a heavy sigh, and shrugged as if he hadn't just dropped the biggest bomb since Hiroshima in World War II.

"It's debatable." I wasn't sure whether I was repeating him or if that were a question, yet again.

"Um, yeah." Ryan responded lamely.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, starting to try and form a response to this incredibly tense and awkward situation, "Ryan, I-."

"No, I know that you didn't and still don't like me, so spare me the fancy words and bullshit."

"Ryan-."

"No, Stella, stop."

"Stop what?"

Ryan's fist was clenched, "Stop looking at me with that pity in your eyes. I know that I never had a shot, so just stop."

And now I really didn't know how to respond. Luckily, I didn't have to.

"Stella," Matt poked his head out of the door, "The dedication is the next song in the set. You coming?"

I shot Ryan one last look, "Yeah." I noticed how uncomfortable Matt looked as though he felt in the situation, "Yeah," I said again yelling at my feet to move to Matt, who was still holding the heavy door open, "I'll come in with you."

Matt cleared his throat as I took one last look at Ryan before the door shut.

I knew for a fact, by that glint in his eyes, that I wasn't going to be seeing him again for a long time.