Status: Thanks to the lovely Louise Belcher for the beautiful layout
That Girl
My Eyes Are Damp From the Words You Left
"Are you alright, Stella?" I'd probably heard that question five times in just as many minutes. Matt had stayed silent as we made our way towards side-stage, but then two of the techs asked the same question, only to be shushed as Alex and Jack called the crowd to a quiet.
"Okay, I know we're really not big enough of a deal yet to be using a show as a way to get the girl, but Jack needs to take advantage of what we don't have, just for a second you guys, alright?" Alex smiled softly and nodded for Jack to start. His face started to go red, and I knew that if I were to call him out on it later he'd just say that the stage lights had finally gotten to him, but I smiled anyways, noticing the curiosity in Jeannie's expression from the other side of the stage. I watched her carefully as Jack cleared his throat and continued to put off announcing the dedication by taking a large down of his water bottle.
I wanted to smack him. I was about ready to pounce across the stage at him when he finally got it over with.
"This song is for a special girl who's here tonight, and I really want to do things right by her and make sure that she knows that I'm going to be there, and I'm going to pull cheesy shit like this every once and a while. So we're going to play a song, and hopefully she'll listen to the words and get that message out of it, and a little bit more."
There was a slightly uncomfortable moment where Jack avoided looking at the boys' teasing expressions and Jeannie's look of surprise. Her eyes lit up, which was a good sign, I think. I was a bit too occupied with my own thoughts to really be trusting my observation skills right now.
Then Jack started playing the intro to one of the best songs (at least in my opinion) of all time. Alex threw his guitar strap over his shoulder and handed it off to the tech before giving me a big smile. I gave him a thumbs up, mouthing 'great choice' and watching as his smile widened and he turned to grab the mic on the stand, no longer having to focus on double-tasking playing guitar and singing.
"In the car, I just can't wait,
"To take you out on our very first date."
I felt a hand grab onto my forearm, and I turned to see Vinny (who would later tell me that he had left one of the techs with the merch booth), who seemed to be asking me to dance. And by 'seemed to be asking,' I mean he twirled me around in a tight circle before starting to do this boogy that was so uncoordinated that I suspected that he had been on the tipsy side. The techs quickly joined in, and I stuck to the side of Danny, as we did awkward moves that had a vague resemblance to the ones in The Breakfast Club.
There were probably more unattractive facial expressions made between our small group than we'd like to admit.
"Do you like my stupid hair?
"Can you guess that I didn't know what to wear?"
I found myself smiling like an idiot, distracted, if only for a moment, and sneaking glances at Alex as he interacted with the crowd and made the song his own with what little space he had (especially considering the skinny jeans that came with that melody). I'm pretty sure that their song choice couldn't have been any better. The crowd loved it. The kids on the floor were dancing just like we were on either side of the stage, and I noticed in my peripheral vision that a few guys on the other side were dancing with Jeannie, who was thoroughly enjoying herself and giggling like mad as she was twirled around repeatedly.
As the song came to a close, Matt handed me the acoustic guitar that Alex would be using for Remembering Sunday as well as the microphone that would be mine for the song. I stood there for a second, giving him the look as if to question why he couldn't just walk out there himself. He pointed to the stage and gave me a glare, and I resigned from the wordless little disagreement with a huff.
But then I noticed why he'd done it. While people noticed me come onto the stage, with Alex's instrument, no less, Jeannie tugged Jack out of the view of the audience, throwing her arms around his neck and arching onto her toes as she pressed her lips to his despite the guitar that was still, probably quite uncomfortably, between them.
"Okay, we're going to give Jack a second of alone time with his lady while my friend Stella and I slow things down a bit. You good Stell?" Alex drew my attention away from staring at my ratty converse. I was still spacing out, even as Alex steadily made his way through the majority of the song.
As I took in one final deep breath, I realized that the lyrics were almost a perfect parallel to what had just happened on the patio with Ryan, and I felt my stomach churn.
"If you start to feel uneasy on stage, just sit down and sing. It sounds like a bad idea, but you're small and you don't have an instrument, so it works for you."
Thankful to God that one of Patrick's many words of wisdom had come straight to me at a time like this, I sat myself down on the amplifier, pulling my legs up to sit Indian style as I started my bit of the bridge.
"I'm not coming back,
"I've done something so terrible,
"I'm terrified to speak,
'But you'd expect that from me
"I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
"Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair-." I kept my shut and my face turned slightly downwards as my bangs fell in front of my face, one of the few things I had been told not to do, but I could feel the wetness slipping from the corners of my eyes, my throat getting thick and my voice turning slightly raspy as I continued:
"And out of my mind
"Keeping an eye on the world,
"From so many thousands of feet off the ground,
"I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds
"Towering over your head." I ignored the concerned looks I was getting from the techs, from Vinny, from Matt, from Alex even as he finished off the song and I still kept my head turned even more now towards the floor.
He wasn't going to be coming back any time soon. Ryan, one of my closest friends, and I'd just dropped him like that. What right did I have to be so selfish with him? I wanted us to be best friends, yeah, but to be as outright rude as I had and still expect things to be all fine and dandy? To have him basically confess his love for me and not even give him so much as a response? I was overwhelmed with self-disgust, and I pulled my free hand over my mouth to try and keep myself from bursting out into a bunch of primal-sounding sobs.
I tried to think of good things and get a hold of myself before the audience started to really notice just how distressed I was.
I opened my eyes and sniffed slightly as he said something cheesy about me and used the crowd as his latest in means of getting me to give him a hug. His head came over my shoulder, breath warm as he asked quietly, "Hey, you doing okay, Stell? What happened with Ryan?" His name sent a pang of guilt through my gut.
"I'll talk to you after the show, okay Alex?" I responded quickly, eager to get off of the stage and back to the green room. As soon as he let me go, I walked with a purpose, handing my mic to Matt a moment later and rushing off to the green room before anyone could stop me.
"Okay, I know we're really not big enough of a deal yet to be using a show as a way to get the girl, but Jack needs to take advantage of what we don't have, just for a second you guys, alright?" Alex smiled softly and nodded for Jack to start. His face started to go red, and I knew that if I were to call him out on it later he'd just say that the stage lights had finally gotten to him, but I smiled anyways, noticing the curiosity in Jeannie's expression from the other side of the stage. I watched her carefully as Jack cleared his throat and continued to put off announcing the dedication by taking a large down of his water bottle.
I wanted to smack him. I was about ready to pounce across the stage at him when he finally got it over with.
"This song is for a special girl who's here tonight, and I really want to do things right by her and make sure that she knows that I'm going to be there, and I'm going to pull cheesy shit like this every once and a while. So we're going to play a song, and hopefully she'll listen to the words and get that message out of it, and a little bit more."
There was a slightly uncomfortable moment where Jack avoided looking at the boys' teasing expressions and Jeannie's look of surprise. Her eyes lit up, which was a good sign, I think. I was a bit too occupied with my own thoughts to really be trusting my observation skills right now.
Then Jack started playing the intro to one of the best songs (at least in my opinion) of all time. Alex threw his guitar strap over his shoulder and handed it off to the tech before giving me a big smile. I gave him a thumbs up, mouthing 'great choice' and watching as his smile widened and he turned to grab the mic on the stand, no longer having to focus on double-tasking playing guitar and singing.
"In the car, I just can't wait,
"To take you out on our very first date."
I felt a hand grab onto my forearm, and I turned to see Vinny (who would later tell me that he had left one of the techs with the merch booth), who seemed to be asking me to dance. And by 'seemed to be asking,' I mean he twirled me around in a tight circle before starting to do this boogy that was so uncoordinated that I suspected that he had been on the tipsy side. The techs quickly joined in, and I stuck to the side of Danny, as we did awkward moves that had a vague resemblance to the ones in The Breakfast Club.
There were probably more unattractive facial expressions made between our small group than we'd like to admit.
"Do you like my stupid hair?
"Can you guess that I didn't know what to wear?"
I found myself smiling like an idiot, distracted, if only for a moment, and sneaking glances at Alex as he interacted with the crowd and made the song his own with what little space he had (especially considering the skinny jeans that came with that melody). I'm pretty sure that their song choice couldn't have been any better. The crowd loved it. The kids on the floor were dancing just like we were on either side of the stage, and I noticed in my peripheral vision that a few guys on the other side were dancing with Jeannie, who was thoroughly enjoying herself and giggling like mad as she was twirled around repeatedly.
As the song came to a close, Matt handed me the acoustic guitar that Alex would be using for Remembering Sunday as well as the microphone that would be mine for the song. I stood there for a second, giving him the look as if to question why he couldn't just walk out there himself. He pointed to the stage and gave me a glare, and I resigned from the wordless little disagreement with a huff.
But then I noticed why he'd done it. While people noticed me come onto the stage, with Alex's instrument, no less, Jeannie tugged Jack out of the view of the audience, throwing her arms around his neck and arching onto her toes as she pressed her lips to his despite the guitar that was still, probably quite uncomfortably, between them.
"Okay, we're going to give Jack a second of alone time with his lady while my friend Stella and I slow things down a bit. You good Stell?" Alex drew my attention away from staring at my ratty converse. I was still spacing out, even as Alex steadily made his way through the majority of the song.
As I took in one final deep breath, I realized that the lyrics were almost a perfect parallel to what had just happened on the patio with Ryan, and I felt my stomach churn.
"If you start to feel uneasy on stage, just sit down and sing. It sounds like a bad idea, but you're small and you don't have an instrument, so it works for you."
Thankful to God that one of Patrick's many words of wisdom had come straight to me at a time like this, I sat myself down on the amplifier, pulling my legs up to sit Indian style as I started my bit of the bridge.
"I'm not coming back,
"I've done something so terrible,
"I'm terrified to speak,
'But you'd expect that from me
"I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
"Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair-." I kept my shut and my face turned slightly downwards as my bangs fell in front of my face, one of the few things I had been told not to do, but I could feel the wetness slipping from the corners of my eyes, my throat getting thick and my voice turning slightly raspy as I continued:
"And out of my mind
"Keeping an eye on the world,
"From so many thousands of feet off the ground,
"I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds
"Towering over your head." I ignored the concerned looks I was getting from the techs, from Vinny, from Matt, from Alex even as he finished off the song and I still kept my head turned even more now towards the floor.
He wasn't going to be coming back any time soon. Ryan, one of my closest friends, and I'd just dropped him like that. What right did I have to be so selfish with him? I wanted us to be best friends, yeah, but to be as outright rude as I had and still expect things to be all fine and dandy? To have him basically confess his love for me and not even give him so much as a response? I was overwhelmed with self-disgust, and I pulled my free hand over my mouth to try and keep myself from bursting out into a bunch of primal-sounding sobs.
I tried to think of good things and get a hold of myself before the audience started to really notice just how distressed I was.
I opened my eyes and sniffed slightly as he said something cheesy about me and used the crowd as his latest in means of getting me to give him a hug. His head came over my shoulder, breath warm as he asked quietly, "Hey, you doing okay, Stell? What happened with Ryan?" His name sent a pang of guilt through my gut.
"I'll talk to you after the show, okay Alex?" I responded quickly, eager to get off of the stage and back to the green room. As soon as he let me go, I walked with a purpose, handing my mic to Matt a moment later and rushing off to the green room before anyone could stop me.
♠ ♠ ♠
Alright, everyone, I realize that this is the last thing that anyone wants to be reading on a story that they like, but I'm not exactly sure how the subscribers to this story are going to be affected email-wise.I started this story when I was thirteen. I had almost no plan for it, but I thought I was prepared with the very general thought that I had a general sense of direction. Vague senses of direction have resulted in this, which is not what I intended.
No, I am not discontinuing the story. No, I am not going on hiatus, unannounced or otherwise, but I am going to be deleting chapters because there are a lot of vital parts to this story that are missing.
Not once have I mentioned any birthdays, of my original characters or actual people. Not once did I address the dynamics of the relationship between Alex and Stella shifting. I haven't really illustrated how delicate it is, either. Just, ugh.
My transitions were and are choppy and I wrinkle my nose every time I start from the beginning of this story and then realize that if I weren't the author, I wouldn't be reading this. I am a massive critic of my own writing, so I might have a bit of a warped lens, but I'm pretty sure that there's a reason behind the lack of traffic and comments on this story, and that's because of quality.
Please, bare with me as I try to salvage this, because this alternate universe with Stella and Jeannie is what leads into a Cobra Starship and Panic! at the Disco-based story, then a One Direction one (Number one on the list of things you didn't expect, but I swear I will change your opinion of the manufactured foreigners that we hear layered with bubblegum back-tracks and cringe-worthy lyrics on the radio.)
Tell me what you wanted to see from this story, what you want to see in the future, because this isn't just for me to develop as an author, this is for you do sharpen your critiquing skills, too (and hopefully get a little bit of enjoyment, too).
Dreamer xx