Tell Me How You Live With Yourself

As I sat in the empty locker room, the scene that I painstakingly watched not even an hour ago continuously played over and over again in my head. No matter how many times I tried to look at the bright side I couldn’t, because to me there seemed to be no bright side at all. Tonight was supposed to be the highlight of my career, something I’ve always dreamed of achieving. I really thought we were going to win. Hell, all of Vancouver thought we were going to win. But as millions of people around the country witnessed, we lost one of the most important games of our life. Over the course of three twenty minute periods, we watched in horror as our dream slowly faded away into the abyss. Losing Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals is definitely a hard pill to swallow.

Watching Zdeno Chara lift the Stanley Cup over his head and pass it on to his teammates was absolutely heartbreaking. I don’t even think I can put into words the amount of pain and disappointment I have at this very moment. The loss is still so fresh that I don’t even know how to go about dealing with it. Do I dwell on the mistakes I made? Do I blame myself for the loss? Do I forget about it and move on?

For the past hour I’ve sat staring at the Canucks logo that’s embroidered into the carpet of the locker room, reflecting back on this roller coaster journey I’ve been on for the past year. It’s more than obvious that we had one hell of a season. We were Western Conference champs, got the Presidents’ Trophy, and were one game away from a Stanley Cup. This team, guys who are like my brothers, gave their all this entire season. We fought through injuries and adversity and still ended up on top…for the most part. When it really came down to these last seven games though, we couldn’t keep it together. We had a chance to end Boston’s season in their own building and we didn’t. In a Game 7 there’s absolutely no excuses. You’ve got to lay it all out there, and that’s exactly what we did. We gave everything we had and unfortunately we came up short.

The only thing I can tell myself at this point is that I gave it my all. Even with an injury I still went out there and did the best I could. I gave everything I had tonight and I’m proud of that. I’m so proud of the guys that I’ve stood next to in this locker room for the past year. The loss is disappointing, but I know that at the end of the day we all have to stick together and figure out where we went wrong as a team and move on from it.

It’s tough to sit here and think about how close we were to taking the Cup. Hell, I’m still emotional even thinking about it now. But for me, and for a lot of the guys who played out there tonight, we still have to hold our heads high. I can hold my head up high, but it hurts. It definitely hurts. This was not the outcome we wanted, nor was it what we expected. All we can really do now, as a team, is move forward.

It’s hard to swallow. It’s emotional. I can only hope now that the summer gives me a chance to really take in what happened tonight, process it, and learn from it. All I can really do is take the rest of the summer to rest and rebuild myself for next season. I have to instill the belief in myself that I have the strength to help my team make it to the finals again next season.

Tonight my opportunity to have the title of Stanley Cup Champion was cut short. Tomorrow I will sit at home with my family and try to reflect back on this crazy experience. Come October, I’ll be ready to start this adventure all over again.

I want nothing more than to hold Lord Stanley's Cup above my head while I’m surrounded by my teammates, the fans, and my family.

Next season will be my year.

Next season will be Vancouver’s year.