For What It's Worth

"So...who was it?" Hana knew it would jab her again, like early that morning. But curiosity got the better of her.
"Hm?" Carter had been dazed all day, constantly checking his phone.
"The girl you had over?"
"Ah...an old friend."
"Oo, sounds juicy. You a friends with bennys kinda guy?" She joked, poking his side.
He grabbed her hand abruptly, his grip tight, crushing her fingers together. The look in her eyes stopped her. Frightened her. It was stone cold and venomous.
"No. I'm not." He sighed and let go, letting his head fall into his hands. "But she is." Came a muffled follow up statement.

Hana's heart fell for a different reason now. He was hurting. She couldn't do anything. She was helpless- but she needed to help him. With no reason why- her hand came out and pulled one of his hands from his face, clutching it.
"You're a great guy, Cart. She's a stupid bitch for using you like this."
"Hana...I think I love her. She's the worst person to ever love- but I do. I fucking do."
That confession could have brought her to tears- but instead it gave her a push. He admitted to loving someone that was bad for him- so could she. Pulling his hand closer to her body, in turn bringing her closer to him, she waited for the moment for him to notice. And it came, he suddenly snapped his head up from the floor to look up at her. That was her moment. Her chance.

Tentatively, shyly- she took his lips in her's. Kissing him like she'd always wanted to. 3 weeks. That's all it took to create this feeling.

Why were humans so fickle? They could manifest feelings in an instant, and in the next-
Crush them.



What was she doing? What am I? Kissing Hana back. That's what. He had just confessed to loving Beck and now he was kissing Hana.

Beck wouldn't have cared he was doing this.

But he did. He felt guilty.

But he didn't pull away. Because he liked it. The softness of her lips against his. The comfort and warmth from her. She kissed differently from back. She was kinder, less hungry. She was kissing him for an entirely different reason than Beck had.
And he smelled lavender in the air that surrounded Hana. Not gin.
Maybe that's what pushed him to lay her down on the couch, to hover over her. To caress her. To ignore the painful tearing in his soul as she kept saying--

"I love you, Cart. I love you."
All the while, he was acting like an animal.



He woke up on the couch, Hana laying on his chest, snuggled in the nook of his neck. She was sleeping soundly, and strangely enough- so had he. It was the next day. When did days go by so fast? At any rate- his ego took a huge boost. Two different girls, two days. But the thought of two, brought him back to focus on one. And it wasn't the one in his arm. Beck.

Where was she? And would he ever see her again?
Then Hana stirred, and his attention shifted. Her eyes crinkled up as she smiled down at him.
"Hey there."
His smile wasn't as thrilled, but it wasn't fake. Not like Beck's. Hana was nothing like Beck. And maybe that's what he needed? His arms tightened around her waist.
"Hey."
"You..You don't think differently of me...do you?" Her voice was quietly, and her brown eyes darkened with that fear of rejection Carter knew too well.
"Never." He whispered.
And with that one word, Hana found all the bravery in the world to lean down and kiss his lips lightly.
"Then will you become mine?" She asked, barely audible, as her lips hovered over his.

Shit, what do I do? Imagine. Imagine what it would be like with Hana. There wouldn't be any alcohol deciding for her. She didn't even go to partys. But she never stopped him when he wanted to go. She just passed. She just stayed home. Could he be with a girl like that? Homely? Loving? Caring? That's what he needed. Need. He needed to think on that word. Need- and want. He wanted to be with Beck. This moment he shared with Hana was almost perfect- but Beck needed to be the one uttering those words. The thing he needed to accept was Beck would never, ever, do such a thing. And he needed a girl that would do this.

"Yes."
The word left his lips before he could even consider the decision.
But then again, maybe impulse decision was for the best.
Her lips greeted his again.



Beck couldn't believe it was only 8am and she was already wasted- but she needed this. She couldn't stomach anymore of the guilt. The shame was choking her and she thought the burn of the bottle would open up her airways.
Her phone rang at that moment, and without thinking or even looking- she answered it.

"Hello?" Was her heavy slur.
"Bee? You seriously drunk already?"
"Shut the fuck up."
A chuckle, "Look, I was wondering if you wanted to...chill?"
"Chill? There isn't a party?"
"It's 8am. Everyone's passed out."
"So why aren't you?"
"Because I'm the main dealer- I don't use my own merch." Another low laugh.
"Ahh, Dare. Your logic is nullified."
"So wanna?"
"Sure. You're gonna have to drive."
"How much?"
"Second bottle already half gone."
"Hard?"
"Whiskey."
There was a sad sigh and then the line went dead.

Shrugging, Beck just continued to drink away the shame. Just run away, it's what you do best. Run. Run fast. Drink it faster. The bottle was so close to being gone, she was so close to being gone. And suddenly nausea flowed up, and she was bent over a sink. Puking. Every ounce wasted.

She was wasted.

Dare got there, opened her apartment door, and was greeted by the sight of her still bent over her kitchen sink- vomiting. With a sigh, he walked over and pulled her hair up, holding it gently- keeping it out of the danger zone.
"Beck, why do you keep doing this?"
As she heaved for air, gasping for breath that she lacked- she shook her head. Her eyes watering.
"Beck?"

"I can't run away fast enough, D. I never fucking can."
And with another convulse- she continued puking.