For What It's Worth

She woke up- dazed. This time, thank god, the sheets were as rough as she remembered. Stretching her limps out, they hit something warm. With absolute horror she shut up and saw Dare, laying on top of the blankets (thankfully) and fully clothed. (Even more for her to be thankful for.) But sadly, wide awake.

"Wakey wakey." He murmured as he looked side-long at her.
"Why are you here?"
"We were suppose to chill but you got way too fucking drunk and passed out."
"Time?"
"Only 1 in the afternoon. You set records, my friend."
She fell back on the pillow, mirroring Dare's position. On her back- staring up at the ceiling.
"I need a drink." She muttered.
"I feel like you don't."
"When'd the drug dealer become straight?"
"I'm not. I'm saying cut back."
"Not a good business view for clients."
"I don't consider you a client." His voice was a whisper.
"Then what am I?"
"A friend."
Heavy silence followed. Beck didn't know how to respond so she just picked out pictures in the grooves of the ceiling.
"What did you mean about not being able to run away fast enough?" He asked suddenly.
Beck rolled to her side to face him, Dare did the same.
"When'd I say that?"
"When you were puking in the sink."
Her face creased.
"Yea, you'll have to clean that up."
With a sigh, she let the question fall.
But Dare didn't let it go that easily.
"Well?"

"That fucking bastard-"
"Nick?"
"Yea. He...He and I had sex a month before he was jailed. And..he set me up for rape. 3 guys, right after I...gave myself to him."

He instantly stiffened. Something about Dare darkened. His eyes? His aura? The line in his lips? And even though Dare was only her drug dealer, they had known and chatted for long enough for her to think he could be a friend. And with this pounding hangover- she didn't really think, that she was thinking straight. She continued to confide in him.

"A few weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I got an abortion." Her voice cracked then, at saying that word aloud. "I always think about it- when I lie awake at night. Sober. God, I fucking hate being sober because all I can do is think about whether it would have been a boy or a girl. What I might have named it. What it would look like." Her voice shook more with each word, and she abruptly stopped. Beck hid her face in the crook of her elbow as she buried her face in her bent arm that had been propping her up. She sank. Her entire being melted with weakness.

Dare didn't know what to do. He considered her a friend. His initial reaction was to beat the shit out of that bastard, Nick. But right now, he wanted to comfort her. He didn't want to be too forward. And he knew Beck took comfort unwell. A weakness of her's really- but comfort turned into sex for her.

He just sat there. Watching her as she broke down in pieces in front of him.
Sobbing.



Weeks passed, Carter was glad he said yes. Hana treated him so kindly and like she treasured him. There was no using. There was love.
"Carter." She sang from behind him, her hands coming up to cover his eyes.
"Yes?" He sang back.
"I have a big surprise for you! You have to meet me at the pier- Northside, kay?"
And like a ghost, she fled before he could even turn around. Out the door. The quiet click of it signaled her departure so Carter didn't even both to turn around. A content smile sat on his lips.

He didn't deny the thoughts of Beck- but they didn't tear him a part like they used to. He just wondered if she had gotten better with relationships, or worse. Did she party or stop? Was she driving drunk some more? And the more darker one that he knew was very possible- had she died while making one of her endless stupid choices?

Shrugging off the thoughts that always skimmed his mind, he opened the fridge to roam the contents. Hana had gotten him to start eating organic foods, and that's all that littered the shelves of his ice box. Moving aside a block of cheese, he found his stash of processed, delicious fruit roll ups and dug in.

Some relationships needed small secrets, right?



Beck remembered the pier. She had gone there right after she had her abortion. She always roamed there when she was wasted. It had a tragic meaning that stuck with her. The waters raged as a storm rolled in. The waves were dark and tipped with white as they sloshed against the pier's wooden beams.

She loved the sound.
She wondered if it would sound better if she was under those waves.
"B-Beck?"
Why was he the one to always show up?
She turned to see Carter, his face completely paled.
"What are you doing here?"
"Meeting Hana."
"Ah." She turned again toward the ocean before her.
"Is..Is something wrong?" Carter couldn't help but worry about the troubled soul.
"Just thinking about my abortion."
Her voice was deadpan, and with a heavy motion- she pulled a flask from her jacket pocket and tipped it back, emptying it of its contents. Carter couldn't move. Did she really just say that? Was that a sick fucking joke?
"You're kidding."
She whipped around, fury burning Beck's core at his doubt.
"Who the fuck would joke about that shit?" She snapped before stuffing the flask back in her pocket. She turned on a heel and stormed off away from him. She couldn't stand being in someone's presence right then.

She felt too damn dirty.



She...was serious. She had an abortion? Something sunk to Carter's feet- he didn't know if it was his heart or stomach. He watched as she rushed off into the crowd of the pier- toward the parking lot. Surely she'd be going home to get more alcohol. How did an underage girl get so much alcohol anyhow?

He shook his head sadly, looking down at the raging waters Beck had been so entranced by.
"Cart! A storm's coming, I'm sorry but my surprise isn't going to work." Hana's voice was getting closer with each word which meant she was running.

He smiled sorrowfully, "That's fine."
"Something wrong, hun?" She asked as she hugged him.
"No." He muttered into her hair as he tightened her hold on her like his life depended on it.

She didn't abort a kid that would have been mine...had she? The thought was haunting, nightmarish. It tore at his just mended soul. And all he could think about was that one night they had had.

And dread overcame him.