After All This Time

Kate sat anxiously at table nestled in a corner of the tiny café. The light from the large glass windows in front shone through, and she watched the crowded sidewalks anxiously for his familiar sandy hair. Her foot was tapping nervously against the scuffed hardwood floor, and her mind was racing. She tried to take a sip from her brown paper coffee cup, but the caffeine only made her more jittery. She saw his flannel shirt before anything else, and the breath was knocked right out of her.

His jade eyes met her gold ones as he walked in through the door, bell chiming above him. She offered a weak smile, which he returned before walking to the counter. She could feel her heart thudding against her chest, and her hands shook. A few minutes later, he made his way over, his own coffee in hand. Kate noticed the slight brown stubble on his creamy skin, and the light violet circles beneath his emerald eyes.

“So, there should be talking involved here,” Kate started nervously, absentmindedly raking her fingers through her loose chocolate waves. Kendall nodded, his lips twitching into a half smile.

“Well, you were the one that called. I kinda thought there was a particular subject you wanted to talk about,” he said quietly, his hands around the cardboard ring of the cup, covering the brand logo. Kate pressed her lips together, a smile tugging at her own lips.

“Yeah, I suppose I did. There is something I wanted to talk about.” She paused, nibbling on her pink bottom lip. Kendall raised his eyebrows, watching her face closely.

“Generally this is where you say something,” he urged softly, and she nodded again.

“The day we, you know, we were both mad. We didn’t talk about things like we should have.”

“You can say ‘broke up,’ Kate. It’s what happened.” Both of them looked at the faux-wood laminate of the table, not able to look at each other.

“I know. But I wish it didn’t.” As the words escaped her lips, Kendall froze. Kate glanced up through her ebony eyelashes cautiously, awaiting the fallout of what she had just admitted.

“What does that mean Kate?” he asked, his raspy voice straining. He squeezed his eyelids shut, waiting for her soprano voice to drift through the silent air.

“Let’s talk about the fight first. Then we’ll talk about that,” she murmured, brushing her bangs behind her ears. A few strands slipped back into her face, but she didn’t move them.

“I know what I did was stupid. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should’ve told the studio to screw off.” Sadness seeped into his voice, and Kate pursed her lips as he gazed at her from across the table.

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have. Kendall, I still don’t understand how you justified the ‘date’ or whatever you wanna call it,” she mumbled, her hands making air quotes. Kendall hung his head ashamed, the golden locks falling into his eyes.

“I don’t know why I did. I didn’t realize it would sabotage the best thing that ever happened to me. If I had, I would never have done it.”

“We were in a relationship. We were supposed to trust each other, and tell the truth. You threw that all out the window in a matter of minutes.” Kate could feel the salty tears behind her eyes, and struggled to keep them from falling.

“You don’t trust me.” The words rolled off of Kendall’s lips, but it wasn’t a question. Kate looked up, their eyes locking. She thought about it for awhile, wondering if it were true.

“I never assumed you were lying to me before. I honestly thought you were just going out with the guys. If you could lie to me about something like that, what else could you be lying about?” Her voice wavered, and Kendall wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms. It broke his heart knowing that he couldn’t.

“It’s the only thing I’ve ever lied about. I swear. And I will never lie to you again.” Silence enveloped them, both staring at their coffee or the table, but never at each other.

“Okay,” Kate finally whispered in a small voice, wiping away the tear that trickled down her cheek.

“Are you ever going to be able to trust me again?”

“I don’t know. I think I could.”

“Kate, I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you, if that’s what it takes. I’ll do anything.” Kate’s gold eyes flickered up, meeting with his watery jade ones. They held their gazes as Kendall went on, his voice trembling. “Just tell me, yes or no, do you still love me and want to be with me.”

Neither of them moved a muscle. His words hung in the still air, and Kate’s mind spun. She chewed on the side of her cheek, her eyes boring into his. She took a deep breath, trying to grasp for the words.

“I do.” For the first time in a long time, a true smile broke across Kendall’s face. It was crooked, but it reached to his eyes, lighting them up.

“So, what does this mean?” he finally asked, watching as she ran her hand through her hair, messing up the part and sending strands every which way. He knew there was something she still wasn’t saying. The only time she did that was when she was nervous.

“I need to hear you say it’s not going to happen again. And I need you to understand, I love you, but I’m not rushing into this. You can’t move back in yet, and I don’t want to tell the guys for a few more days, to make sure this really is going to work out. Lastly, you need to be patient, because the trust issues aren’t going to go away overnight. It’s going to take time, and you need to know that.” Her golden eyes were set, and she lifted her chin slightly, awaiting his answer.

“I can do that Kate. Whatever it takes, I’m not letting you go again,” he vowed, the smile still lingering on his face. Kate smiled a bit as well, reaching to take his hand. They finished their coffee, and he drove her home.

“Remember, do not tell the guys. If this doesn’t work, I don’t wanna get their hopes up only to crush them,” Kate reminded as they stood outside her door, the dark 4J painted beside it.

“I won’t. But this is going to work out, Kate.” She smiled up at him, fidgeting with the tips of her hair.

“I want to believe it. I will, eventually. Just be patient with me.” He leaned down, his lips pressing gently to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his went to her waist. As they pulled apart, she buried her face in his shoulder, taking in his scent.

“I better get going. I’ll see you later, Kate,” he whispered, giving her one last kiss. She nodded, giving him a lopsided smile.

“See you later, Kendall.” She opened her door and walked in, then slid down against it after it was closed. She couldn’t see it, but on the other side, Kendall still stood, grinning like a fool.

“I love you, Kate,” he whispered to the door, before making his way to the staircase at the other end of the hallway. Kate’s cheeks flushed, reliving the afternoon. For the first time in awhile, her heart didn’t ache. It sang with joy, counting down the moments until she would see him again.

“I love you Kendall,” she whispered to herself, knowing he was long gone. Still, just saying his name made her heart flutter in her chest.