Confessions of a Self Harmer

Kortney is gone.
Today was her last day in the place.
She gets to leave.
Lucky her.
I’m sad to lose her.
She’s a pain.
But she’s my best friend.
I’ll miss her.
Before she left she wanted to talk.
I thought it was about cutting.
Great, here we go.
Why can’t people just mind their own business?
Leave me alone.
It’s my body.
If I want to destroy it, I will.
But no.
It’s not about that.
It’s something more.
”I love you Erica.”
”I love you too.”
”No, Erica, I love you. I always have. I want you. But I have Nathan. You have Anthony. And I’m leaving. Oh don’t look at me like that. You make me want to kiss you. Anyway, I have to go. I love you. Come visit.”
You love me?
You care for me?
You want me?
Because of you, I have nothing.
I can’t even cut myself properly.
I have to wait until I shower.
Until I pee.
I have to hide it all.
Because of you I cut in new places.
Where my bra strap covers it.
Where my underwear hide it.
I have to be ashamed all because of you.
I don’t care if you’re my friend.
I don’t care if I’ll miss you.
Because right now Kortney,
I hate you.