Confessions of a Self Harmer

It’s gross.
I’m gross.
He’s gross.
Everything about it is disgusting.
I don’t want to play.
I don’t want you to touch me or look at me.
I don’t want you to love me.
Not anymore.
But my sister,
My sissy,
The one who told me all about you.
The girl who ruined my childhood image of you.
The girl who stole everything out from under me.
She’s supposed to hate you.
But now she loves you?
She calls you dad?
She wants you around her kids?
Her family?
Her everything?
She crucified me for loving you.
And now, I hate you.
I hate your touch.
Your stare.
Your words.
Your existence.
And she loves you?
She wants you around.
So much for protecting me sissy.