Confessions of a Self Harmer

I hate myself.
I am a terrible person.
I’m mental.
Deranged.
Crazy.
I am the worst person on the planet.
Today, Anthony kissed me.
Gosh, it was so wonderful.
So sweet.
But not meant for me.
I can’t focus.
I can’t think.
All I want to do all the time is cut.
And carve.
And maybe even burn.
When he kisses me and holds me,
I can’t think of the person with the love.
I feel so disgusting.
I think of him.
I think of my Dad.
Of his hugs.
Of his touch.
Of him.
And it ruins it.
I feel like I’m cheating.
Loving Anthony and keeping such a secret.
But what do I say?
I’m being molested by my Dad.
Am I?
He doesn’t touch me.
But he does.
He makes me feel disgusting without actually doing anything too bad.
I want out.
Of everything.
Of my house.
Of my relationship.
Of my life.
Out of me.