Right Where We Belong
Jamie
I was watching Boromir as he watched the four little men that they went between calling hobbits and halflings. They looked like kids, they really did. And yet, they weren't. Actually, if I was going to be honest, three of the four were more mature than I was. Realizing that, I actually felt guilty. How could I have lived my whole life so sheltered? Did Annie and Thea see me as such a child? How could they even put up with me as clearly inept as I was.
"Lady Jamie?"
Turning, I looked up at the the man who I had seen the first day. Looking up at him now I decided that he was still intimidating. Nothing was likely to change that fact. "Y-yes..." I trailed off for a moment. "Haldir! Right? That is your name I mean, isn't it?" I felt ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. I wanted him to not scare me. I wanted to be brave like I had to. Maybe if I was brave then Boromir could care about me. I knew that it was wishful thinking but if wishful thinking was all I had, than I was going to cling to it with everything in my being.
"I am Haldir," I wasn't sure if he was trying to assure me or just stating the fact. I honestly could not read the man. It was as if he was wearing a constant mask over his whole being. You couldn't tell if he was happy, if he was sad, anything. A part of me wondered if he even felt at all. I couldn't ask him though. Instead I stood looking down at my feet wondering what he was going to say to me. "I have been charged with teaching you knife play."
My stomach did a plummet in that moment. I didn't do well with sharp things. It was why I couldn't watch Annie's sparring lessons. I had never been able to tolerate sharp things. I knew what they could do to people. It was probably an irrational fear on some level. After all, no one had ever hurt me with a knife or even accidentally stabbed me with a sharp pencil. The only thing that had ever stabbed me had made me simply afraid of most men.
"Knives?" I managed to get the word out without a stutter. I wasn't sure how. It simply dripped from my lips filled with fear and trepidation. My eyes flicked upward by body tensed and ready to flinch at whatever Haldir would answer. I had this odd churning sensation in my stomach as if I had said something very very wrong and I was just waiting for the moment that I would be called out for it.
Instead I watched as a single eyebrow arched upward. A part of her was glad that he didn't seem like the kind of person who would yell at her if he was angry, but that left a darker kind of anger that he could show and that was the kind of anger that scared her. Yelling wasn't nearly as terrifying in the end. Yelling rarely ever led to too much pain. At least, that was what she had found in her own experience. Was he mad at her? She honestly couldn't tell. "Has no one ever taught you how to fight?"
It wasn't a question that I had expected. As I stood watching him, my mouth gaping open more than just unattractively but probably disturbingly, my brain tried to remember what the question was and how I should answer that. "I take care of my sister," Annie said from behind me. I turned around to see her with her arms crossed over her chest and her chin raised high.
"And you think that is enough?" Haldir asked. I could feel my stomach twist in anxiety. This wasn't going to end well. She knew Annie. She knew how Annie felt when it came to her sisters and her defense of her sisters. No one questioned her when it came to that. Didn't Haldir know that? Why didn't he? He should.
"It IS enough," Annie insisted. She sounded so far away but I could feel her standing just behind me, her hand touching my shoulder. "Jamie's my sister and I'll be damned if I let anyone hurt her."
The sounds around me slowed to a dull, mangled roar. Instead I watched as Haldir spoke again and Annie moved forward, her back now to me. Oh God, they were going to fight. They were going to fight and it was all my fault. What was I going to do. I had to stop this. I wished that I knew how to stop this. I could feel my panic increase as blades were drawn, the ringing demands of the swords cutting through the rushing of my blood for a moment.
My eyelids squeezed themselves shut tightly not wanting to see this. This wasn't happening, this wasn't. My body felt stiff and yet I was certain that I was shaking as I hugged myself hoping maybe that that would make things better. Arms wrapped around me and my face was pressed into a hard chest, a hand resting in my hair. I didn't have to open my eyes to know it was Boromir. Even before I could even start to hear again, I knew it was him. He would save Annie from the violence that was so close to attacking her. And he would help her keep me safe.
If only I could be so brave.
"Lady Jamie?"
Turning, I looked up at the the man who I had seen the first day. Looking up at him now I decided that he was still intimidating. Nothing was likely to change that fact. "Y-yes..." I trailed off for a moment. "Haldir! Right? That is your name I mean, isn't it?" I felt ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. I wanted him to not scare me. I wanted to be brave like I had to. Maybe if I was brave then Boromir could care about me. I knew that it was wishful thinking but if wishful thinking was all I had, than I was going to cling to it with everything in my being.
"I am Haldir," I wasn't sure if he was trying to assure me or just stating the fact. I honestly could not read the man. It was as if he was wearing a constant mask over his whole being. You couldn't tell if he was happy, if he was sad, anything. A part of me wondered if he even felt at all. I couldn't ask him though. Instead I stood looking down at my feet wondering what he was going to say to me. "I have been charged with teaching you knife play."
My stomach did a plummet in that moment. I didn't do well with sharp things. It was why I couldn't watch Annie's sparring lessons. I had never been able to tolerate sharp things. I knew what they could do to people. It was probably an irrational fear on some level. After all, no one had ever hurt me with a knife or even accidentally stabbed me with a sharp pencil. The only thing that had ever stabbed me had made me simply afraid of most men.
"Knives?" I managed to get the word out without a stutter. I wasn't sure how. It simply dripped from my lips filled with fear and trepidation. My eyes flicked upward by body tensed and ready to flinch at whatever Haldir would answer. I had this odd churning sensation in my stomach as if I had said something very very wrong and I was just waiting for the moment that I would be called out for it.
Instead I watched as a single eyebrow arched upward. A part of her was glad that he didn't seem like the kind of person who would yell at her if he was angry, but that left a darker kind of anger that he could show and that was the kind of anger that scared her. Yelling wasn't nearly as terrifying in the end. Yelling rarely ever led to too much pain. At least, that was what she had found in her own experience. Was he mad at her? She honestly couldn't tell. "Has no one ever taught you how to fight?"
It wasn't a question that I had expected. As I stood watching him, my mouth gaping open more than just unattractively but probably disturbingly, my brain tried to remember what the question was and how I should answer that. "I take care of my sister," Annie said from behind me. I turned around to see her with her arms crossed over her chest and her chin raised high.
"And you think that is enough?" Haldir asked. I could feel my stomach twist in anxiety. This wasn't going to end well. She knew Annie. She knew how Annie felt when it came to her sisters and her defense of her sisters. No one questioned her when it came to that. Didn't Haldir know that? Why didn't he? He should.
"It IS enough," Annie insisted. She sounded so far away but I could feel her standing just behind me, her hand touching my shoulder. "Jamie's my sister and I'll be damned if I let anyone hurt her."
The sounds around me slowed to a dull, mangled roar. Instead I watched as Haldir spoke again and Annie moved forward, her back now to me. Oh God, they were going to fight. They were going to fight and it was all my fault. What was I going to do. I had to stop this. I wished that I knew how to stop this. I could feel my panic increase as blades were drawn, the ringing demands of the swords cutting through the rushing of my blood for a moment.
My eyelids squeezed themselves shut tightly not wanting to see this. This wasn't happening, this wasn't. My body felt stiff and yet I was certain that I was shaking as I hugged myself hoping maybe that that would make things better. Arms wrapped around me and my face was pressed into a hard chest, a hand resting in my hair. I didn't have to open my eyes to know it was Boromir. Even before I could even start to hear again, I knew it was him. He would save Annie from the violence that was so close to attacking her. And he would help her keep me safe.
If only I could be so brave.